Why is he now being distant?

Hooly22

Hope you can help me out a bit... I'm going to go crazy.

I'll give you a quick bit of history (won't drone on too long, I promise). I'm 17... And I've know this guy Chris* since I was 12. We were very very close from the beginning... apart from a 5 month period... we've talked almost every night. However... there's always been a bit of a spark between us... he's not really the emotional type and he's not a bull****ter, but at times we do say "I love you".

We started talking again (after the 5month period of not talking) about...6 months ago. And we're back to the way we used to be. We don't see each other alot though (although we live so close to each other). Hadn't actually met him in person as just us two in about 2 years...until he texted me on Thursday... and asked me to come out! So I did.... and we lay on the grass together..... After a while... it got kinda cosy and we were holding hands and cuddling and all that. "ILY" was also said..


But I was talking to him again on MSN the next day... and he was his usual self... but a bit distant.

To be honest, I'm gutted. I didn't imagine that there was something there, there was. It's not like he was just trying to get his big... because nothing happened except for alot of talking, cuddling and holding hands. And I didn't think he do something like that if he wasn't interested.


I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking; I'm just a bit pissed off. I'm not going to lie; I've always had a thing for him. I don't know whether I should just forget it, is there anything there... or what? Any advice? Why would someone change their mind so quickly?

Cokehead Mother

I'm distant on MSN all the time because I'm busy trying to beat my PB in tetris...

Maybe thinking about the possibility of ending a relationship because he's being distant (how wonderfully vague, btw) on the internet after saying he loved you the night before is just a little, teeny-weeny bit irrational?

I don't think that not bombarding you with "<3 xxx baybzzzz" every four seconds neccessarily means he's changed his mind.

Hooly22

Firstly.. i'd hate to be bombarded with stuff like that.. not me at all...he knows that. I think I've made myself look like a bit of a clingy sap, i'm really not!

I'm not talking about ending the relationship, he's one of my closest friends! Couldn't live without him!

I just don't know if maybe I'm reading too much into what happened on thursday. It jsut took me by surprise.

Tragedy

Do you know if he's shy/what other relationships he's had in the past?

Hooly22

He's not shy, but he hasn't had any serious relationships.

In saying that, it's not like he's never been with a girl!

Tragedy

Thats that theory gone so!
Maybe he just isnt physically attracted to you and the intimacy was more of a best friend kinda thing

I dont suppose theres any chance of you two meeting up sometime soon and seeing how it goes again?(I'm guessing just asking him outright would be way too awkward+painful+in risk of losing him as a friend)

Hooly22

I dunno if i'd have the guts to say something! Then again, if something bothers me I'll usually end up saying it.

I dunno.. there was just a few moments.... when it was like (sorry im absolutely useless at descriptions) where there were those sort of looks before you kiss.. and i kept breaking it. I don't know why. It just didn't seem like just friends. He's not really a touchy feely person usually. Maybe I'm just clutching onto straws.

He always says how he knows when we meet eachother out in town we'll clearly end up hooking up and things like that.

Tragedy

Ach, he could be just being romantic(as in romantic notions) rather than serious. Or he could be serious and hiding it in a joke.

Probably best to build yourself up to asking him bluntly "Look, I love being your friend but sometimes I feel like there might be more to it than that. How do you feel Chris?"

MagicMarker

If you're friends since 12 and tell each other you love the other, then i fail to see why you're asking a bunch of randomers on the interweb?

Surely you can talk to him about this? Pick up the phone ffs and call him, ask him what he wants from you. Enough of the bull****, this isn't home and away.

Hooly22

Trying to get other peoples opinion, before I go and mess up a good friendship.

It's an advice forum.... i'm asking advice... although thanks for your honesty.

Tragedy

Because even in the closest relationships, its easy to say the wrong thing, broach a topic that cant be forgotten and drive a wedge of awkwardness into it.

Long winded but true.

Hooly, I fell for my best/closest friend ever, we started dating. I wont go into it, but as sure as I was starting the relationship, I'm even more sure 13months since it ended that we should have stayed friends.

Be careful but dont be afraid, he could be the one!

MagicMarker

Well do you want to be friends or do you want more?

No amount of advice given here is going to change the answer to that question.

If you want friendship, then continue as you are. However, if you just wanted friendship i don't think you'd be posting here. So, inevitably, you're going to have to say something and make things clear. You can either do that now, or waste another few months/years of your life wondering what if.

ian_m

MSN is extremely impersonal and there is nothing engaging about it. Get on with your day to day business and just wait. It can be amazing how far patience can carry you. It can be frustrating waiting but sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do. Give him a call or text in a few days. You miss him now allow him to miss you.

LegacyUser

tell us a bit more about your relationship with this guy,how long have you liked him? and could you see yourself having a long term relationship with him?

i got with my BF when i was 18,and we grew up with each other across the road,we are living together years now(11) and we share all the same old memories,and sense of humour... i think it makes for a great relationship to share those things....

i was always crazy about him,and used to watch out for him out my bedroom window.... he had hung around with the big lads gang on the road so i never thought i would get with him,because there was no girls in their gang...but he turned up at my 18th birthday party and as soon as he walked in i was like OMG!... ha ha sounds funny now thinking about it but i think it was faith....i was never a girl to mooch a guy but i knew he was shy too and it could be my only chance...we got together that night and have never separated since,im stil crazy about him and think he rocks my world....

RedXIV

If you say you had "that look" before a kiss (yup i'm bad at descriptions too), He could just be really nervous?

Takes alot for a guy to actually change things from friends to more. especially with the history between the two if ye.

Take the bull by the horns and try it. You say you've been friends for years, one hiccup shouldn't change things that much if he doesn't want a relationship

Hooly22

Really appreciate all the replies, thanks.:)

Blonde, bit about the relationship: as i said, know him since I was 12... been close ever since. I know him from a big group of friends who live on my street. used to hang out alot. group has sort of broken up. He's a year older than me, so that has created problems, as we're always going to different places etc. I've always had a bit of a thing for him. Neither of us have had any serious relationships, but the one thing we don't disucss is relationships. We'd usually be eachothers first person to call if something went wrong, but he'd sorta be the stronger person (personality wise) out of the two of us. Not really an extremely emotional type, but he's not cold. He's stubborn though.. drives me up the wall and he knows it!:D

Ian M, you're right. Maybe I should just back off for a bit. Let him miss me;)

RedXIV, yeah i understand that. We've just sort of had the same relationship for a while now. Was extremely shocked when I got that message from him. (happy though)

I think I'll leave it for a few days, and maybe bring it if he's still being a bit distant. He was never one to mess with someones head.

The one thing that just got to me was..I kept thinking to myself, does he already regret it, and does he just want me to forget about it now?

Sugar Drunk

Ok, Im lost!.
so, this guy tells you he loves you, you talk everyday yet you have never even kissed???!!
obsess much? seriously this sounds like a 12 year olds diary.

Do you want to go out with this guy or not? If so, sod the friendship lark and tell him how you feel. He may feel the same or it may turn out he meant 'i love you' in a friend way. 'i love my playstation', ' I love my parents', 'I love you'. Eother way there is no point in letting this wander on as a friendship as you will never be satisfied and will hate every future girlfriend he ever has (trust me, seen it happen with two mates).

At the end of the day he is messing with your head saying this type of thing and you have no idea where you stand so ask him and at least then you will know. If he turns out to just want to be friends then you can go and find a real boyfriend

Hooly22

We have kissed before, it didn't happen on thursday, that's what I was talking about.

Sugar Drunk

thank god for that. anyway, either way sit him down and ask him what he is thinking and what he sees for the two of you going forwards. You cant stay sitting in limbo!

Hooly22

I know, limbo SUCKS.:mad:


Aaaargh, wish me luck. Thanks for your help.

srdb20

Best o Luck!!!

You'll be grand!:)

Hooly22

I hope so:(

To be honest, it'll probably me sitting there going "well, eh, em, ehhhhhhhhh, like... eeeeeh... what i'm trying to say is.... ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"