Meltddown

Mixedup

I was going to go unreg for this but i dont care, i think i'm cracking up.
Sounds so dramatic, but i think I can't cope in my own life, even though theres nothing particularly unusual about it.
I have a job, which is fine, I'm holding it together for appearances and i know i'm good at what i do. No one in work suspects anything wrong.
I'm in college at night, and while lectures finished up a month or so ago i have many assignments that are nearly all late, one of them so much so that i'm sure i've failed it, and i haven't started any of them (this is not like me at all, take today for example i have been sitting on the computer for 10 hours now and tried to start so many times before giving up..i panic and close down the word document.)
I can't sleep, i'm getting headaches and dizzyness from the worry of it all.
I can't seem to face anything, i cant tell anyone how i'm feeling the words wont come out, i keep pretending its all fine but i'm so far from it..

In the last 2months ive been seeing(not the right word really) my best friend, who i've been in love with forever, but he's single recently and we've been sleeping together, spending a lot of time together etc, i know he cares about me but i'm terrified of what could happen, i suspect he's not over his ex, she's in an awful state and i know he feels v guilty about that, they are in contact.. i know i should walk away from this but i dont think i can go back to being just friends, and i dont want to lose him..
he's very together, on top of everything in his life, and he doesnt even know how helpless and desperate i feel at the moment.
I come across as a very independant, strong person i think.

I think i'm loosing it, and before i know it i'll have blown this year in college, its my final year, such a waste..I just sit around crying and panicking, or escaping from the thoughts of all of this by going out or watching stupid films..is there help for this kind of thing or have i brought it on myself?
If anyone makes it to the end of this rambling post opinions are welcome, harsh as you like i know i must sound like a basket case.

Victor

Sounds like you are stressed.

1. Talk to someone about how you feel.
2. Get some exercise and take some time for yourself.
3. Go see you GP and explain how you are feeling. Get a note from him.
4. Go to your head lecturer and show him what the doctor says and ask what can be done.
5. Avoide the booze.

girl2

Please settle your head. Thats the first thing I want to say to you.

Now, Im going to try and remember everything you said in your post, so forgive me if I forget anything.

Your job
You probably need to stay in work, so keep things going there. Is there someone you can talk to there? A manager, a close friend? Is there anyway you can take some time off on stress leave of sick leave without losing any money, just for a few days?

College
I can sympathise with you on this one. I am working full time and going to college 1 day a week in that. I had 3 exams in the last few weeks which I found really tough. What I did learn is........that if youre not going to fail, you need to settle your head and get it into those books. You NEED to do this. Its not going to go away. So you have to gather yourself and concentrate. If even for 10 minutes at a time in the beginning, then build up until you can spend some time doing serious work about this.

Your friend
You need to remove yourself from this situation. I would suspect that this is causing you a real lot of difficulty in your life and you may not even know it. Talk to your friend and tell them how you are feeling, or another alternative is to back off and tell them that its not the right time for it to be going ahead (which I suspect is the truth). Plus your only going to get hurt if they get back together. (I have a bit of experience in this as I am seeing someone who is casuing me a lot of grief and annoyance in my life in the middle of me trying to get my exams etc sorted).

I think the priorities are for you to get your work done for college as it will be a big relief. I think the only way you are going to do this is by having no distractions. Just take some time and try to stop panicking.

Contact me directly if you want to.

I hope it goes ok for you.

RedXIV

OK lass, time to put things in perspective in life.

1) you NEED your job. this is important because without a job, you have no money and this is not good.

2) college years CAN be repeated, years out can be taken, deferred, you can come back in a few years later even if you get special dispensation. A college degree isn't the most important thing in your life and when all's said and done, you use it to get a job, something you already have. if you fail, you fail, you're not the first and won't be the last, you're only human.

3) The relationship you're in now sounds like the source of alot of stress, now while relationships can actually relieve stress in alot of cases, due to the nature of yours i doubt this is the case. Now i realise you said you've loved him as long as you can remember but if try to imagine that if you leave it for a bit, for him to get his head together about his ex, he can enter a relationship with you with no issues holding him, and more importantly you, back. Talk to him and see if he's willing to do this.

Things you need to start doing:
Get exercise, this is so important and no one acknowledges it. 30 mins a day is perfect, even if it's just a walk. do it. you will feel better.

Eat properly, try and make sure you're getting a proper diet. a menu of pizza and chocolate for example is bad

Talk to someone, Talk is cheap, and surely you have enough friends that someone will spare you an hour or two? don't try to deal with this sort of thing on your own, you'll end up melting your head.

Best of luck OP

Red

Mixedup

Thanks for the replies, they really help.

If i'm honest then the root of all this has to be the way things are going with your man..funny isnt it how something that shouldn't be even be bothering me compared with everything else i have to do is all i can think about and scares me the most.

I'm going to go to the doctor i think, try and get a day or two to catch up on assignments and see if college will accept the cert from me..i just have to concentrate now and try and put everything else out of my mind if i can..

again, thanks a million for taking the time to write back!

AngryBadger

First off you need to change your perspective on a few things jsut to ease off the stress.

IF you've failed some assignments in your course, so what? Accept that you've failed them, and think about what you can do about that. Maybe it's worth talking to your year head/supervisor/lecturer/whoever to see if you can get some extensions? or, worst case scenario, you could repeat next year. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow, but if you think about it, what's the big deal? You may not even need to attend lectures, jsut do the assignments/exams. You'll already have covered a lot of the material so it'll automatically be easier for you.

And most importantly, you can stop stressing about it now.

In terms of the best friend. I think you should talk to him about the relationship. But first, be clear in your own head as to what you want. It sounds like the relationship may be a bit one-sided right now. Like maybe it's more casual for him than for you? If that's the case, you definitely need to say it to him, maybe suggest you go back to jsut being friends until you can both sort your heads out.
Would you consider a holiday?

From what you're saying, there is clearly SOMETHING which is really stressing you out. There are several "big" issues oon your plate, and your head is so scrambled right now you just don't know how to begin addressing anything.

I would STRONGLY suggesting taking a holiday, maybe just a week. Maybe go away somewhere relaxing, or maybe just go home to the family, or wherever/whatever you think would let you relax. Get some rest, get some good grub into you, be nice to yourself.

At the very least that'll help you get some perspective on things and hopefully start to tease out what's bothering you so much.

One last thing OP, it sounds like you're actually doing pretty good, you have a good job, you're doing a course at night, you're just in a really rough patch at the minute.

Take a break, you're entitled to, be nice to yourself ro a few days, and maybe after that think about talking to someone you trust, or a professional if you'd feel more comfortable with that.

Best of luck!

MizzLolly

I'm really sorry to read that you've been having such a tough time.

Sounds like you're after getting stuck in a nasty cycle. You let one assignment slip by and next thing you know you have four more that are late too. I know when you're worried it seems like doing anything at all is pointless but take everything slowly and one step at a time.

Pick out one assignment, research it and roughly finish it. Even if it isn't as good as you wished, at least get it done. Then you can mark that off your list.

Work through them all one by one rather than looking at them as one big mess. I know this is really hard to do when everything is getting on top of you but once you make one small effort things will start falling into place.

I don't know how to advise you about your friend. I would say however, that if you don't think it'll turn into a relationship and you feel that you are falling in love with him, you need to stop sleeping with him. It'll do you no favours and you'll only become more attached. Friends with benefits works fine for some people as long as both parties are aware that it is merely a physical relationship. You admit to having feelings for him so unless he gets over his ex pronto, you're gona get the short straw. Please try to protect yourself from any further heartache.

Focus on making yourself happy and better able to cope before getting into a relationship. I know how hard it is to juggle college with a job, I've often thought I was cracking up. Don't worry, it's normal but you need to start fixing it right now. Don't let it build up anymore because that's where it starts to get hard.

So - start one assignment today, get it done, dusted and handed in.
Then do it one by one. Don't even think about the others until you have the first one complete.

After all of that, take a break. Get yourself all dressed up, get your friends together and go out and have some fun.

You'll look back in a couple of weeks and realise that nothing was as bad as it seemed. These things have a funny way of sorting themselves out. You just have to give it a little nudge!

Good Luck