Every single time

LegacyUser

HI..
This morning im so angry because last night my fiance said he would meet me his sister and her boyfriend for a drink . He was already out celebrating a match thing but he picked the time and the place and then didnt bother showing up. Eventually he came home at 2am.
Last friday night he said he would be home early and i woke up at 3am and he still wasnt home, last sunday i dropped him to the pub and he said he would follow me up as we were due to meet others in another pub but he didnt turn up till 7 hours later and when he did was absolutely steaming.
Im bloody Pi**ed off at him doing this all the time , last night i was embarrassed cause he wouldnt answer any of my calls or texts ( never does when out ) i felt like i had to make excuses for his behavior to his sister. Im absolutely sick of it , if i give an inch he just takes a fu*King mile and i feel like he is just taking the pi** outta me ????????????

Colonel_McCoy

You need ot have a serious chat to him about the lack of respect he shows you. Ask him how he wud feel if you turned up at his family function bladdered.
You have a right to be angry............

biko

Is it only when he's drinking this happens?

LegacyUser

Yes its only when he is drinking ...

needhelpguy

Are you angry at the fact that when he enjoys a drink he often forgets appointments or that he goes drinking and enjoys himself with his mates while not keeping in constant contact with you?

LegacyUser

U totally have a right to be angry, A serious talk is required. U seem to like socialising with a few friends or family and have a few drinks but in a sensible manner but ur fella seems to be more interested in going out with other friends getting hammered and not spending as much time with you as he should. U dont need to make excuses for him at all. He is causing himself more damage than anything and is DEF not showing you any RESPECT. Def no no in my eyes. U need to make him aware that although u have no problems with him going out with his friends, u do have a problem with his possible excessive drinking (if its a problem) but also that if u make arrangements he needs to keep to them. See what happens with the chat.

Good luck with this.

Beruthiel

I would not put up with that type of behaviour.
I certainly would not even entertain the idea of marrying someone with such a total disregard for me. He does not respect you or his family.
Is this what you see married life as?

If it were me, I'd be telling him straight, either change your behaviour or pack your bags.

biko

It sounds to me like he has a drinking problem and knows it, as he won't meet up with anyone while drunk, and that he can't control the amount of drink he is taking.

RedXIV

I've been caught at this before, i went through a phase of making plans with everyone and as a result, disappointing many. If you want the best approach to making him realise he needs to cop on, start organising stuff and not inviting him. When he complains, say he never showed up anyway. When he promises to change his ways, make a plan and say this is his one chance, if he messes this up, thats it.

claiva

hi op,
i feel sorry for you. this guy needs to be tested. give him one warning that if he does it again its over between you. then when he does it again (which he will)....tell him its over and leave him/kick him out (if you live together).

Then sit back and wait.......if he comes back grovelling....he may be worth marrying....if not....he isn't.

Harsh....but very effective way to see someones true colors.
You don't want to marry someone who has NO respect for you, and isn't willing to change his ways for you.
A lot of guys get engaged to keep the girl happy, then they rebel against the girl to prove that they can not be changed etc etc....
I'm a dude by the way....and this method worked on me. Made me realise what was REALLY important to me.....and it wasn't drinking with the lads !!!

LegacyUser

Im mad cause he constantly picks his friends over me. thinks he is the man then not answering my calls. Is the only way to deal with this fight fire with fire ????? why do i have to ask for the respect that i deserve ???? when he isnt drinking he is so great and very good to me but he is a ****wit when he is drinking and its taking its toll on our relationship . ok its not every weekend but when it happens it just makes me doubt our whole relationship .

Beruthiel

angryandannoyed wrote: »

Im mad cause he constantly picks his friends over me. thinks he is the man then not answering my calls. Is the only way to deal with this fight fire with fire ????? why do i have to ask for the respect that i deserve ????

Not everyone has the cop on to know when they are treating someone like a door mat. Some people need it pointed out to them in neon lights. Right now, you're a walk over as far as he's concerned. He needs to be shown that you are not.

when he isnt drinking he is so great and very good to me but he is a ****wit when he is drinking and its taking its toll on our relationship . ok its not every weekend but when it happens it just makes me doubt our whole relationship .

He can be the nicest guy in the world 80% of the time, but that last 20% will eventually kill any feelings you have for him. As time goes by, your tolerance for this behaviour will hit rock bottom, until one day you snap and it will be over.
Nip it in the bud before that happens.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

Not everyone has the cop on to know when they are treating someone like a door mat. Some people need it pointed out to them in neon lights. Right now, you're a walk over as far as he's concerned. He needs to be shown that you are not.

He can be the nicest guy in the world 80% of the time, but that last 20% will eventually kill any feelings you have for him. As time goes by, your tolerance for this behaviour will hit rock bottom, until one day you snap and it will be over.
Nip it in the bud before that happens.

I agree , that 20% is making resent him and its also making me not trust him. I do think the only way is to leave for a bit but i dont really have anywhere to go . I just got off the phone to him and i really dont think he has a clue of how bad is he treating me , he says that im not like other girfriends and that i just want everything perfect and when i dont get it i kick off . All i said in response is " is it too much to ask for you to return the respect i show you " i said i dont go off and not bother ringing or texing you and i never would but you seem to think its ok for you to do it to me.
Then he rang again and said he was really sorry and i said your only sorry till it happens again and then he hung up on me ..........

LegacyUser

the real issue behind it is comitment,if he is entering into a marraige then he needs to realise the foundations of a succesful relationship start with the comitment of each other-

maybe he feels he is not ready and is acting out by going out more and living as a single bloke with his mates because he thinks it will all change when he is married... i think he needs to get some perspective over what he wants,its usually just hard to change from boy to man as responsibility means change but he needs to realise it is good change-i am with my partner for 13yrs and we operate as a unit-and we respect each other,and treat 'us' like we are our own family... we didnt in the beginning but it makes for a much happier relationship if both people feel respected,my partner just needed time to jump into the relationship with both feet and eventually he realised it was the best thing to do...

BankMan

OP - a blatant lack of respect is going to be hard to stomach. If you can't cope with it now, imagine a lifetime of it. Serious thinking to be done methinks

DD

angryandannoyed wrote: »

Then he rang again and said he was really sorry and i said your only sorry till it happens again and then he hung up on me ..........

The guys has a serious problem with the drinking and hanging with his lads in pubs or whatever till morning all the time...if happened to me I would leave the guy.

claireorea

Hi angryandannoyed,
PM me when you get a chance, ur not alone here!! when i read your post, i realised that i'm in the exact same boat. EXACT same boat as you! anyway if u need to get it out or discuss it, drop me a few lines.
Claire

scoot on

I hate fella's that act like that. A few of my boyfriends friends are like that. They think they're cool by not answering their phone to their gf's while out with the lads. Why would you ever think it's cool to treat someone like that?? OP you really need to sort this out. I think you will have to lay down the law and tell him this can't go on. You are going to end up resenting him more and more if this continues.

LegacyUser

Hmm so had a pretty shi**y weekend , i didnt speak to OH friday and he worked all day sat and sat night he didnt get home till early sun morning, he got in to bed beside and we fell asleep till noon , i got up, he got up shortly afterwards and went to his parents house came back at around 5 yesterday evening.

He has a course to do over the next few weeks up the country so i asked if he wanted to could he stay up there next week , give us a bit of space , he said grand.

Sunday evening then he said that he was sorry and that he doesnt know why he acts like that when he is drinking , i wrote him a long letter of how i felt and things that he had done and he didnt deny any of them just apologized, i decided against him staying away for the week as i feel we still have a lot to talk about and didnt want to do it over text for the week, plus i hate being without him ... on some level i feel like i caved in and should have sent him away for the week but on another whats the point and isnt life too short ??? What'd ya think?