Seeing an ex

helpme

hey there all,

just a quick one to see if anyone can give me a bit of advise on this one or has anyone gone through this recently.

i had been seeing this girl for 6 months. 2 weeks ago it was all off and it has been killing me. i am doing alot better now and im getting on with things and enjoying myself again. the only thing is I know im going to see her over the weekend because i work a second job at the weekend nights. (thats where we met) i just know she is going to be there and i wont be able to help not seeing her.

any advise on how to get through this?

Captain Ginger

Chin up and don't let her get to you, there isn't much to say really, be polite if you come into contact and keep a cool head and things should go fine.

srdb20

Dont engage her whatever you do, just be cool and calm and if she does decide to enagage you in conversation maybe be a little distant (this is all based on the fact that you dont want to get back with the girl).

Also when she sees you are being distant and ignoring her this will probably make her go nuts and she will be going crazy for your attention.

edit - Are you tryign to get back with this girl or is it definitely finished?

helpme

srdb20 wrote: »

Dont engage her whatever you do, just be cool and calm and if she does decide to enagage you in conversation maybe be a little distant (this is all based on the fact that you dont want to get back with the girl).

Also when she sees you are being distant and ignoring her this will probably make her go nuts and she will be going crazy for your attention.

edit - Are you tryign to get back with this girl or is it definitely finished?

I love her and i think she knows that. i would strongly consider getting back with her if the oppertunity arose. but i would seriously seriously think twice about it thats for sure. i know she will be looking at me and trying to get attention.

what do i do if i see her with another guy (by "with" i dont mean just talking i mean actually "WITH" another guy)

i just need advise on how to cope with it all. and the likliness of what she might do from a general womans point of view.

thanks for the comments so far ppl.;)

LifeISforLivin

Keep your body language natural, when nervous we humans have a tendancy to speed up and exaggerate our actions which will obviously look unnatural and she might sense she is getting to you.

So just focus on breathing normally and concentrate on what you are doing, rather than try to watch her out of the corner of your eye or imagine that she is watching you, the truth is under these circumstances usually people look everywhere EXCEPT at the ex or whoever it is causing the anxiety.

The reason it is important to concentrate on what you are doing and really "be" in that moment, is if you just pretend you will end up getting flustered and doing things like failing to notice people speaking to you, knock things over, leave the counter without your change and stuff like that, so pay attention to what is going on in YOUR space not hers.

On the other hand DONT pointedly ignore her, keep your body language and voice soft and natural, its very embarrassing if you ignore someone at the beginning of a night/event whatever and then you run into them later in circumstances where you have to aknowledge them!!!

Another thing, IF there is nothing going on around you or people are ignoring you and you are feeling self conscious about twiddling your thumbs etc might be handy to have a paper etc folded up in your pocket at least you can then take it out and read it, or text someone on the phone.

Dont "over act" the "Im happy and Ive moved on" bit too much ie grinning like a loon, exploding with laughter or flirting outrageously, you will just look silly and it will be one up for her!!!

Dont pretend to be speaking to someone on the mobile though, onlookers will know and it will be really embarassing if it rings mid conversation!!!

anyway Good Luck !!!

helpme

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

Keep your body language natural, when nervous we humans have a tendancy to speed up and exaggerate our actions which will obviously look unnatural and she might sense she is getting to you.

So just focus on breathing normally and concentrate on what you are doing, rather than try to watch her out of the corner of your eye or imagine that she is watching you, the truth is under these circumstances usually people look everywhere EXCEPT at the ex or whoever it is causing the anxiety.

The reason it is important to concentrate on what you are doing and really "be" in that moment, is if you just pretend you will end up getting flustered and doing things like failing to notice people speaking to you, knock things over, leave the counter without your change and stuff like that, so pay attention to what is going on in YOUR space not hers.

On the other hand DONT pointedly ignore her, keep your body language and voice soft and natural, its very embarrassing if you ignore someone at the beginning of a night/event whatever and then you run into them later in circumstances where you have to aknowledge them!!!

Another thing, IF there is nothing going on around you or people are ignoring you and you are feeling self conscious about twiddling your thumbs etc might be handy to have a paper etc folded up in your pocket at least you can then take it out and read it, or text someone on the phone.

Dont "over act" the "Im happy and Ive moved on" bit too much ie grinning like a loon, exploding with laughter or flirting outrageously, you will just look silly and it will be one up for her!!!

Dont pretend to be speaking to someone on the mobile though, onlookers will know and it will be really embarassing if it rings mid conversation!!!

anyway Good Luck !!!

Ill be working there anyway (djing) that is so i will be twidling my thumbs inbetween mixes and songs. i wont have a choice but to look out from where i am. ill be isolated haha

LifeISforLivin

helpme wrote: »

Ill be working there anyway (djing) that is so i will be twidling my thumbs inbetween mixes and songs. i wont have a choice but to look out from where i am. ill be isolated haha

Ok.....thats not too bad actually because you will have something to do with your hands at least!! As for looking out, will there be any of your mates there to come and chat to you or anything?

helpme

nah none of my mates go there and im not gonna drag one along just to stand in the box with me. yeah the hand will be busy for a gud part of it.
also it leaves her to come up to me not the other way around. because i cant really leave the box to go chat to people.

LifeISforLivin

Yea true, you were saying what do I do if I see her with another guy, you dont think she would do that do ya....

helpme

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

Yea true, you were saying what do I do if I see her with another guy, you dont think she would do that do ya....

i actually do. its the kind of girl she is. even though she did the dumping and knows i was hurting she would go out of her way to make a point. she even kissed another guy when we were seeing each other right infront of me. she claims she didnt want him to and he just did it. but now i think back i doint believe it

Aurora Borealis

helpme wrote: »

i actually do. its the kind of girl she is. even though she did the dumping and knows i was hurting she would go out of her way to make a point. she even kissed another guy when we were seeing each other right infront of me. she claims she didnt want him to and he just did it. but now i think back i doint believe it

If you really think she'd do that delibarately it doesn't say much for her at all and maybe concentrate on that in your mind when you do bump into her.

LifeISforLivin

helpme wrote: »

i actually do. its the kind of girl she is. even though she did the dumping and knows i was hurting she would go out of her way to make a point. she even kissed another guy when we were seeing each other right infront of me. she claims she didnt want him to and he just did it. but now i think back i doint believe it

I dont believe it either, alarm bells are ringing here, she sounds like an attention seeker, why does she have to go there when she knows you will be there.

If the kind of girl she is is to snog someone or whatever in front of you, you really, really are better off without her, try your best if she does this to look bored out of your brains......it will be tough but worth it!!!

What type of point would she be trying to make.....like shes moved on type of b0llox?

daisy123

helpme wrote: »

i actually do. its the kind of girl she is. even though she did the dumping and knows i was hurting she would go out of her way to make a point. she even kissed another guy when we were seeing each other right infront of me. she claims she didnt want him to and he just did it. but now i think back i doint believe it

Its so hard to see an ex kiss someone else for the first time. I vomitted once when that happened i was so shocked. Chances are she will do it, by the sounds of her, so be prepared. Maybe she won't have the gall to show up at your club.

If you feel like it may affect your work, could you possibly text her or something and ask her maybe not to go to that particular club that night, telling her you don't think you could concentrate on your job. It may sound a little pathetic to her, but if she has any heart at all, she won't show up.

helpme

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

If the kind of girl she is is to snog someone or whatever in front of you, you really, really are better off without her, try your best if she does this to look bored out of your brains......it will be tough but worth it!!!

What type of point would she be trying to make.....like shes moved on type of b0llox?

yeah thats a good plan. look bored and un interested.. sound advise.

yeah i think she will try and make that point that she has moved on. and to be honest so have i to some extent. she hadent creeped into my head until to this morning when i realised i had to work the weekend and i walways assoiciate her with the place i dj cause thats where i met her.

got butterflies already. can u imagine what it will be like over the weekend!!! haha

helpme

daisy123 wrote: »

If you feel like it may affect your work, could you possibly text her or something and ask her maybe not to go to that particular club that night, telling her you don't think you could concentrate on your job. It may sound a little pathetic to her, but if she has any heart at all, she won't show up.

Oh trust me daisy, i did ask her polilty when we finished if she would refrain from going there for a while so i could get my head together. guess what she said????

"Im not gonna stop going there just for you. if you dont want to see me there go find another job!!! "


i pleaded with her but she still refused not to go!!!!

LifeISforLivin

helpme wrote: »

Oh trust me daisy, i did ask her polilty when we finished if she would refrain from going there for a while so i could get my head together. guess what she said????

"Im not gonna stop going there just for you. if you dont want to see me there go find another job!!! "


i pleaded with her but she still refused not to go!!!!

She sounds very self centred, dont plead with her any more, its just feeding her ego!

As I said look as bored with her predictable antics as you possibly can, hopefully she will eventually realise she is not getting the reaction she wants as in "oh you should have seen his face, he was sick as a pig, jealous cnut" type of thing to her mates.

Wibbs

LifeISforLivin wrote: »

She sounds very self centred, dont plead with her any more, its just feeding her ego!

As I said look as bored with her predictable antics as you possibly can, hopefully she will eventually realise she is not getting the reaction she wants as in "oh you should have seen his face, he was sick as a pig, jealous cnut" type of thing to her mates.

Bingo. OP if this is what she acts like then you are well rid of a head wreck like that. You will thank your lucky stars in years to come that she left you. Trust me on that. It may take a while but you wil see you dodged a major bullet there.

speaktofrank

Wibbs wrote: »

It may take a while but you wil see you dodged a major bullet there.

+1, maybe you liked this girl but from what you have wrote she sounds like a selfish self centered cow, do yourself a favour, be polite at all times, but distant (as in I don't really care what you do anymore) also delete her phone number and cut all contact.

Aurora Borealis

Wibbs wrote: »

Bingo. OP if this is what she acts like then you are well rid of a head wreck like that. You will thank your lucky stars in years to come that she left you. Trust me on that. It may take a while but you wil see you dodged a major bullet there.

+10

helpme

speaktofrank wrote: »

+1, maybe you liked this girl but from what you have wrote she sounds like a selfish self centered cow, do yourself a favour, be polite at all times, but distant (as in I don't really care what you do anymore) also delete her phone number and cut all contact.

Cheers everyone for your comments and opinions. i still have her number but i havent even thought of texting or ringing her for nearly 2 weeks now. so keeping the number wont be an issue i dont think. i did ask her to delete mine though as she kept ringing me everyday after we stopped seeing each other. she kept asking if i was ok and if i wasnt in a talkative mood she would ask whats wrong. that got on my nerves to say the least.

and you are all right on the money..... ive come to realise that she is a selfish, attention seeking cow.

and tonight will tell all. i will keep you up to date on the matter. meanwhile if anybody else has any views please dont hesitate

helpme

Wibbs wrote: »

Bingo. OP if this is what she acts like then you are well rid of a head wreck like that. You will thank your lucky stars in years to come that she left you. Trust me on that. It may take a while but you wil see you dodged a major bullet there.

thanks Wibbs. this thread no matter how small, has opened my eyes. cant talk to friends about it so this is the best thing

helpme

im getting very very nervous now ppl. butterflies in the stomach into airplanes.

lets hope it goes well

RedXIV

Don't worry about it so much OP, instead go out and keep your mind focused on what your doing. if she comes up to you, tell her your busy. if she tries to catch your attention by snogging a guy, laugh. trust me. it'll drive her demented. look happy as hell and even though she may try and put you through your paces, i guarantee laughter will win

daisy123

helpme wrote: »

im getting very very nervous now ppl. butterflies in the stomach into airplanes.

lets hope it goes well

Good luck!!!!! Try not to think too much about it, she really isn't worth it, although you probably don't think so! Enjoy your set, and just remember as a DJ, your job is making other people happy and helping them have a great night, so you deserve the same!!

(You could always play loads of songs she hates, might make her move on!!)

helpme

daisy123 wrote: »

Good luck!!!!! Try not to think too much about it, she really isn't worth it, although you probably don't think so! Enjoy your set, and just remember as a DJ, your job is making other people happy and helping them have a great night, so you deserve the same!!

(You could always play loads of songs she hates, might make her move on!!)

LOL.:D

the one thing i defo wont be playing is a slow set tonight. just incase haha.

i gonna have myself a nice close shave and try look my best. who knows maybe she will see me and regret what she did. i can only hope haha