Moral hangover or just reality?

LegacyUser

Id just like some outside opinions on this.

I had a holiday romance earlier in the year with someone I got to know over the net who lives in a different country. It was great and felt very emotionally imtimate at the time and I decided to make a visit later on in the year (in a couple of weeks from now) but no promises were made due to the distance involved and the short nature of the romance. Weve kept up a very regular correspondence but have steered clear of making direct references to what happened except the odd "I miss you". It always felt like the kind of thing that could have developed if the circumstances had been different.
Recently Ive met someone and because of place it does have a better chance of going somewhere. I will still go for my visit in a few weeks but obviously If Im with someone wont allow anything to happen while Im there.
I know its not a major issue, Im just wondering is it fair to anyone for me to choose to have a relationship with someone here when I am wondering "what if" about someone else, regardless of the impossibility of anything real developing there?

RedXIV

Lets be realistic, you have no relationship with anyone at the moment, your still testing the waters. IF you develop a relationship at home i would STRONGLY advise you do not go ahead with your holiday, even if you think that you'll just go for the experience, because all it will take is one person to say why you went there and you can say goodbye to the relationship at home.

If i were you OP, i'd either make no promises or serious moves at home, and suss out the situtation AFTER your visit, or go for the one at home and forget about the visit. And i'd be strongly leaning towards the second option

m83

Forget the visit OP... if you want to give things a chance with the other person. Otherwise you'll end up with no one and that is a fact.

Put yourself in the shoes of the new lady, it wouldn't be very nice to experience now would it?

do you love it?

but do you really want to end up in a relationship where youre always thinking about the what if???
i say cool the jets with the relationship here and just go for it on the long distance thing, then if it doesnt work out, explore your options at home.
i just think you should never spend your life wondering what if and you should just go for it!

tbh

well, there is a third alternative, of course - you could always tell the new girl that you are seeing the old girl, and that you don't intend to commit to one relationship yet.



now, that was a test. If you don't want to do that, you prefer new girl to old girl and you should break it off with old girl - and don't visit her either. If you are ok with saying that, you don't really care about new girl, so don't commit.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I think we all wonder "what if" every now and again. That's normal. But it passes and should be allowed to pass.

It's difficult to give advice without knowing at what stage you and the other girl are at, but, if it does develop, you have to be honest. With both girls. Tell the oversees girl that you've met someone and devote all your time and effort to the relationship.

davyjose

It's also not really fair to go over there, raising expectations for someone who MAY have invested more into this than you have, only to show them zero intimacy (which presumably would be the case if you were being loyal to new girl). If that is the case you could hurt them, and leave things pretty awkward for yourself on holiday.

Of course, you could get your cake and eat it, but i don't think your that way morally inclined, else you wouldn't have posted here.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback, its been helpful