Sister always complaining over her weight

LegacyUser

My sister is in her mid/late teens but over the past 2 years has constantly critisised her appearance. To me she has a lovely figure, when i was her age was in the catagory of overweight but i dont remember constantly saying "Im really fat". My sister is between a size 6 or 8 depending where she shops for her clothes. She is very athletic and well toned unlike me but constantly complains that she is fat. If u poke her, you hit muscle NOT flab. She can eat what she wants when she wants and there is not a pick on her at all. Her diet is not a healthy one at all which she admits too but she cannot seem to change her habits. She hates vegetables and potatoes (except chips or roast spuds). I once drew the parents attention to her behavour as i was gen concerned that she was going down the wrong path as she started to eat less and less. They watched her for a while then eased off. She only says it to me which i am really confused about. Is it a "silent" cry or attention seeking? I moved out over a year ago so i dont know what she eats at home. But if she stays with me she hardly eats at all except junk food. I try cook healthy meals but i've only really started getting more healthier in the past few months.

Does anyone have any suggestions if she complains again what i can say to her?

Captain Ginger

A lot of people (girls mostly) do say things like that to look for attention, however if you have noticed her eating habbits are unhealthy then that could be a problem.
I think maybe you aught to sit down with her and tell her your concerns and ask her why she thinks she's fat and give her a good feel good talk but at the same time try to pick up on any icebergs.

RedXIV

Being a hundred per cent serious now, but if you put up that description of a girl on the net, watch how many guys start trying to talk to her. If you want to feel confident about your body, the internet is a gold mine because people always list their good points and ignore the bad points (unless your like me and have none )

i may sound shallow in saying the above but i promise ya it works. the first thing i thought of reading that post was "is she single?"

Captain Ginger

RedXIV wrote: »

Being a hundred per cent serious now, but if you put up that description of a girl on the net, watch how many guys start trying to talk to her. If you want to feel confident about your body, the internet is a gold mine because people always list their good points and ignore the bad points (unless your like me and have none )

i may sound shallow in saying the above but i promise ya it works. the first thing i thought of reading that post was "is she single?"

Actually that is a very good point.

When I was younger I joined a forum for teenagers, (coolteens I think?) and it had a great place for teens to talk about issues and a forum to post you photo where everyone would always find something to compliment you on, really helped me when I was younger.

Vegeta

Next time she talks about it just completely blank her.

Give her zero attention, literally say nothing in return. Then after a short silence just change the topic to something else.

c - 13

You're her older sister and from reading your post I reckon that your somewhat of a role model for her. She's probably only looking for your verification (and possibly help to change her diet ?).

It is however possible that she has self esteem issues if she's toned and see's herself as fat. Size 6 to me is quite small.

Maybe theres something else going on in her life and she's usign that as a way of "punishing" herself ?

You and her should head somewhere quiet for coffee or something and have a good sibling chat about everything from school to whatever. YOu may get some insight.

LegacyUser

Captain Ginger wrote: »

I think maybe you aught to sit down with her and tell her your concerns and ask her why she thinks she's fat and give her a good feel good talk but at the same time try to pick up on any icebergs.

Thanks for ur reply Captain Ginger, Ive tried that and she pointed to one area and complained that it was pudgy. She sometimes gets really upset about her eating habits yet the parents dont have a 100% good healthy balanced diet, who would except for Gillian McKeith, so she wouldnt either but she knows that she needs to change her habits for the better and i make lots of suggestions on how to have the food cooked differently but once she is at home its kinda of a lack of motivation and if she attempts to ask for something other than whats in the kitchen - the response may not be so positive. This is because she tried this in the past and the parents bought a load of food that she didnt like afterall and ended up throwing most of it out.

Any other suggestions?

LegacyUser

Vegeta wrote: »

Next time she talks about it just completely blank her.

Give her zero attention, literally say nothing in return. Then after a short silence just change the topic to something else.

I tried this option too and it caused an argument between us (quite a few months ago btw). She complained i was ignoring her and i said that we spoke about this topic before and that my opinions and suggestions havent changed. Needless to say if she brings it up i usually hand her a bit of fruit and say fruit is better than sweets, Thnkfully she is eating some fruit but not much.

lorna100

im in my teens and like your sister, im a size 6 - 8 but not happy with the way i look. i have a slight bit of an EDNOS which doesnt help.

dont ignore it, deal with it - your her sister, trust me even if youre not that close, she wouldnt say it to you if she didnt actually believe it.

arrage a night where she comes over to your place, get a good dvd and have a night on the sofa - talk to her about it in a casual way and see how the land lies. Personally, i find a huge amount of pressure on me to be thin, from peers in general.

my guess is she knows shes not 'fat' but thinks she could have a much better body. thats how i feel anyway - and yes, she probably has gone though stages of not eating very much. its a common thing these days with people my age - right now she needs your reassurance. just be there for her, thats all you can do - and if you see it developing into something more, please please get help for her.

Lorna x

LifeISforLivin

unluckylady wrote: »

I tried this option too and it caused an argument between us (quite a few months ago btw). She complained i was ignoring her and i said that we spoke about this topic before and that my opinions and suggestions havent changed. Needless to say if she brings it up i usually hand her a bit of fruit and say fruit is better than sweets, Thnkfully she is eating some fruit but not much.

Listen, I will tell you from experience this is attention seeking behavour and you are enabling her. These types are bottomless pits of neediness and nothing you say or do is going to "help her" because she does not want "help"

She is enjoying the glory of being size 6 while stuffing herself with whatever she wants while simultaneously whinging for attention about it.
Shes in no mortal danger believe me.

Thats where you come in, you are her "audience" and as you saw when you ignored her she kicked off.

Next time she starts just make a snoring noise =ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!
Let her know shes BORING -she needs to know, because she is. Otherwise, be prepared for a life of utter utter purgatory listening to "Im soooooooooo fat bla bla bla etc etc" ad nauseum

I have lost and gained weight over my lifetime and its hard work getting it off and keeping it off but ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves.

One time when I lost about 2 or 3 stone, I got so sick of the same individuals in work (types like your sister) asking me how I did it REPEATEDLY (in other words fishing for compliments -these ones didnt need to diet) I would just reply saying I will send you an email with the diet plan in it.

That soon shut them up, I did send them the email but they never read it and always asked again and again. The point is, these people are just time wasters. Dont give in to them!

Canis Lupus

God I'd almost chance a bulimic comment here....

Possibly also just attention seeking.