Row with cousin

LegacyUser

Hey, It's a long one. I have to give some background...

So my cousin and I were living with my Gran to mind her for past couple of years. We got on grand most of the time, good friends like.

My Gran was getting really difficult to mind, like having to make all her food, help her walk, lift her when she falls, clean up etc. She gave me a really hard time for past year, telling me to leave etc. and all the other relations were doing little to help. Expecting us to basically live our lives in shifts to mind her and give prior notice if we were going out. Well my aunt was a wagon to me and it was last straw so I said "feck yas I'm going. Do it yourself" That was 3 weeks ago, and I've since moved into an apartment near enough so I can still help my cousin and Gran.

My cousin said it was cool, and that she'd help me move in and drive into town to collect stuff. She hasn't even bothered to call down to me, or wish me well. My parents, friend and boyf all brought me stuff, helped me make furniture and move things around and collect things. I'm here alone most nights and my cousin is only 5 min away on bus. I called up and got silent treatment from her, I tried to make some chat and asked how she was getting on with Gran but she was been a cow.

Now, she can be a moody, selfish bitch most of the time but I don't know what her deal is. She's too chicken to stand up to her parents and move out, (she's getting a free apartment when my Gran dies/ goes in a home so she's prob trying to make like she earned it, I don't know...) My boyf reckons she's jealous that I got out....

So anyways, her Mam said she'd give me plates but didn't drop them down. My cousin went home for family dinner and put the plates in her boyfs car boot, and easily could have dropped them down as its on her way home. Meanwhile, I was eating off paper plates. A week later, last night, she says at 6.30, her n boyf are bringing the plates. I straightened up the house and all, looking forward to showing them around. Hour later, she texts saying she'd be another hour. Hour goes by, no sign. I had headache and needed a nap, also wanted a shower but couldn't do either in case they call to house and I missed the knock. I text and she says she'd be another 20 min. It was then 9.20! I told her it was really rude not to let me know she'd be late.

Another 30 min passes. I'm seriously annoyed. I had decided I wasn't going to let them in considering I'd been expecting them 3 hours ago and she had 2 weeks to call down... She arrives at door and just hands me my stuff. I gave her back some stuff I borrowed. It's really tense and silent. I thanked her boyf for coming up said I appreciated it, she was outside walking off in a huff and called "You're welcome. Don't bother thanking me!".

I text her saying "Oh, I'm not thanking you". She replied "Don't expect anything from me again, I think you're so rude, I did you a favour and you're acting like a spoilt brat".

This was last straw for me and I blew up, sent her a text in response basically saying that it was her mam and boyf that did a favour for me, she kept me waiting around all evening and has done fcuk all to help or even visit and has basically been a moody, selfish, ignorant flake to me for past few weeks.

So no response from her. I'm absolutely fuming, but kinda upset cos we have been friends all our lives basically. I don't know what to do. I just think she was so out of line and her behaviour has been nothing but nasty. Any views or advice?

Trinity

p1ssed-off wrote: »

Hey, It's a long one. I have to give some background...

So my cousin and I were living with my Gran to mind her for past couple of years. We got on grand most of the time, good friends like.

My Gran was getting really difficult to mind, like having to make all her food, help her walk, lift her when she falls, clean up etc. She gave me a really hard time for past year, telling me to leave etc. and all the other relations were doing little to help. Expecting us to basically live our lives in shifts to mind her and give prior notice if we were going out. Well my aunt was a wagon to me and it was last straw so I said "feck yas I'm going. Do it yourself" That was 3 weeks ago, and I've since moved into an apartment near enough so I can still help my cousin and Gran.

My cousin said it was cool, and that she'd help me move in and drive into town to collect stuff. She hasn't even bothered to call down to me, or wish me well. My parents, friend and boyf all brought me stuff, helped me make furniture and move things around and collect things. I'm here alone most nights and my cousin is only 5 min away on bus. I called up and got silent treatment from her, I tried to make some chat and asked how she was getting on with Gran but she was been a cow.

Now, she can be a moody, selfish bitch most of the time but I don't know what her deal is. She's too chicken to stand up to her parents and move out, (she's getting a free apartment when my Gran dies/ goes in a home so she's prob trying to make like she earned it, I don't know...) My boyf reckons she's jealous that I got out....

So anyways, her Mam said she'd give me plates but didn't drop them down. My cousin went home for family dinner and put the plates in her boyfs car boot, and easily could have dropped them down as its on her way home. Meanwhile, I was eating off paper plates. A week later, last night, she says at 6.30, her n boyf are bringing the plates. I straightened up the house and all, looking forward to showing them around. Hour later, she texts saying she'd be another hour. Hour goes by, no sign. I had headache and needed a nap, also wanted a shower but couldn't do either in case they call to house and I missed the knock. I text and she says she'd be another 20 min. It was then 9.20! I told her it was really rude not to let me know she'd be late.

Another 30 min passes. I'm seriously annoyed. I had decided I wasn't going to let them in considering I'd been expecting them 3 hours ago and she had 2 weeks to call down... She arrives at door and just hands me my stuff. I gave her back some stuff I borrowed. It's really tense and silent. I thanked her boyf for coming up said I appreciated it, she was outside walking off in a huff and called "You're welcome. Don't bother thanking me!".

I text her saying "Oh, I'm not thanking you". She replied "Don't expect anything from me again, I think you're so rude, I did you a favour and you're acting like a spoilt brat".

This was last straw for me and I blew up, sent her a text in response basically saying that it was her mam and boyf that did a favour for me, she kept me waiting around all evening and has done fcuk all to help or even visit and has basically been a moody, selfish, ignorant flake to me for past few weeks.

So no response from her. I'm absolutely fuming, but kinda upset cos we have been friends all our lives basically. I don't know what to do. I just think she was so out of line and her behaviour has been nothing but nasty. Any views or advice?

You will get past it. Maybe she thinks you are being selfish. Jealous is not a word i'd use but then I dont know you's. You said it was hard work between 2 of you looking after your gran, now she has to do it all alone.

You also said your aunt was being a wagon to you, was that your cousins mum or a different aunt. Families can be good or bad, and you can take the rows with a pinch of salt.

Your cousin might have been delayed, sure she could have text but maybe if you were not so sensitive over whats been going on you might not have minded so much.

Did you ever wonder how your cousin feels about it? Maybe she is not as brave as you to say **** you's and do it yourself but maybe she feels she would like to.

Ask her.

LegacyUser

It was a different aunt, she lives around the corner and I told her i was going out,s he got all pissy over who'd mind Gran and hung up the phone...

My Gran should have a carer or be in a home. We're not equipped mentally or experienced enough to do the job. My cousin and i should have shown a united front, but she was ready to let me leave. She'll moan and be impatient with my Gran and snappy with everyone but in reality, she's treated a lot better up there than I ever was. She has her freedom, saves all her money, is away from her huge family and has even started sneaking her boyf over to spend the night (which I really disagreed with). I was truly miserable up there.

I told her I'd stay for as long as she needed and she said she was giving it until Xmas max as she has her thesis to do. I even offered her the spare room in my apartment for free whenever she needed a break. She told her mum and she said "If Gran goes in a home she'll die". I can't believe they would guilt trip her like that! As long as my cousin is there, my Grans family don't have to deal with it.

Even if I did leave spur of moment w/o consulting her, it's my business to. I can't keep putting my life on hold to suit everyone else. It's her coldness, flaking and moods that are the worst. I always thought she was a nice person, but I'm seeing her for what she really is.

MagicMarker

OPl: You sound like a child to be honest. You weren't going to let them in because they were late? How immature are you? From what you say in your post, SHE DID let you know she'd be late.

This girl has no obligation to help you move out by bringing your stuff to you, why can't you get your own plates if you're sick of using paper ones? Why does your cousin have to come and help you make furniture?

If you're feeling lonely then maybe you shouldn't have moved into an apartment... alone!!

I feel some growing up is needed tbh.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

OPl: You sound like a child to be honest. You weren't going to let them in because they were late? How immature are you? From what you say in your post, SHE DID let you know she'd be late.

This girl has no obligation to help you move out by bringing your stuff to you, why can't you get your own plates if you're sick of using paper ones? Why does your cousin have to come and help you make furniture?

If you're feeling lonely then maybe you shouldn't have moved into an apartment... alone!!

I feel some growing up is needed tbh.

It's not immature at all. Showing up over 3 hours late with one text to say she'd be an hour late is immature and inconsiderate. I'm not going to let them in at 10pm when at that stage all I wanted to do was have a shower and go to bed.

I would have gotten my own plates but her mother said she had some old unused ones up in her house that she'd give me. No point in buying my own when I was already offered some. If someone says they'll do something they should do it. And giving me some old plates isn't much considering the crap I had to put up with minding her Mother so she didn't have to....

For all I've done for my cousin over the years, helping me out is the least she could do. It's not an obligation, it's just not being a selfish bitch. I bet you've never done a favour for anyone in your life. She said she would help, she went back on her word.

I also offered her a room in the apartment but she didn't want it. My boyf stays over some nights but he's not moving in for a few months.

I think you're missing the point completely.