Time is running out

LegacyUser

Hi. She is 29 and im 31. We've been together a long long time. Its that time now when all our friends are getting married and having kids etc. The thing is, the thought of that makes feel really homesick, like a depressing feeling. We're not even engaged cos I feel this way. Its a real burden on me, it has been for years. I feel I've missed out on all the fun of singlehood etc.
But the thing is, we get on really good together, she's all a man could ever want. Sweet, kind, loving.

What does this mean that I freak out with the thought of commitment? Do I love her, or is love something at the beginning of a relationship. Have I strung her along all this time?
Thanks

Captain Ginger

Well only you can answer those questions, but I think it would do you good to look around this section of the forum and see all the heartbroken people and the amount of regret.

If something aint broke then you don't need to fix it.

bennyblanco

yeah man be careful,
I made the mistake of believing the grass was greener and all it got me was a broken heart type thing.
Sorry thats probably no help

LegacyUser

Hey bennyblanco,
Tell me what happened with you? How long were ye together?

Loopy

I agree with the above posters. You need to think long and hard before you do anything drastic here.

You could break up and have a great time for a while being 'free and single' and then seriously regret your decision and it could be too late.

Or get married, have kids and regret it and feel totally trapped.

Sorry, I know I am stating the obvious here but I think talk to your girlfriend and gently tell her your fears. Sometimes when things are out in the open it dosen't feel so bad. She may have similiar fears herself.

Dudess

Don't marry and have kids for another five years. You shouldn't feel obliged cuz your friends are doing it. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I know there's the biological clock aspect - I'm not denying that - but I still think late 20s/early 30s is far too young for that kind of life yet. I'm not just saying that cuz I've turned 30, I've always thought it. Mid 30s makes far more sense to me.

Captain Ginger

Well let's see, you're 31, and by the way you're going on about not having lived the single life I'm going to take a guess that you have been with this woman for about 10 years which would make you 21 when you started. If that's the case then I think it's a bit unfair of you to of dragged her on for this long if you don't plan on comiting.

However, if you have been going out for about 5 years, that would of given you the single life up to about 26, which is a pretty good run of it in my opinion.

I really hope my views don't offend you, I'm just giving you my persepctive.

Seonad

Ask yourself the question: Can you be without her?

That'll tell you all you need to know

b3t4

OP, have you spoken with your partner about this? She mightn't have marriage/kids on her mind for another couple of years.

It sounds like you're panicing and that's never a good time to do anything drastic/make big decisions. Tell your partner that you're freaking out. Stop messing around in the dark on your own when what you're deciding on will affect your partner a lot.

A

LegacyUser

hi im in the same boat,long term retelationship and the same age,i have felt up and down like this myself and i wondered did i miss out on anything beubg single.... i spoke to my BF about it and he was very understanding i never did anything outside the relationship but when i spoke to him we realized it was more about my own insecurities than it being about him,he helped me to feel more secue about what i wanted,and when i stood back i knew we were MFEO-thats made for each other! but i think its normal to feel like this but look into yourself and see that it is you feeling insecure and has nothing to do with your partner,ask yourself why you are feeling like this and work on yourself with it.... you could find you are unhappy in other areas and using the relationship as a reason may be a cover up for something deeper going on inside of you.... we are all insecure in different ways-just talk to yourself about what your fears are and try find out what your running away from xxx

RedXIV

OP, what exactly do you think your missing being single?

Being single can get pretty lonely at times and having a relationship with someone to share all your experiences with is pretty amazing. As said before, There are a surreal amount of people in this forum that are lonely and single and are desperately trying to get in a relationship, its a bit odd seeing it from the other side is all

Talk to your OH, discuss where you see the realtionship going, if it's fear of commitment you have, well, your under no obligation to go any further in your relationship, just keep it as it is.

Hope this helps

Red