Ex wants to see me. (Long).

Neurotica

Okay, this might get confusing but bear with me...

My partner and I broke up two and a half weeks ago now. He said he just saw me as a friend, and that was really the only explaination I got. Fair enough really, nothing can be done about that. However I was sure he was seeing someone else, but he always denied it. We kept in contact for a bit, just keeping things friendly. I didn't contact him for a few days, I was doing okay without him. However, then I saw this girl he denied seeing going round the internet saying how great he was and how well he treated her. My temper really got hot. I tried calling him, only to find out he had changed his number. The guy cant exactly say I was giving him grief, as I hadn't spoken to him in a few days and when I did I was generally pleasant.

I didn't know what to do, so I didnt even bother trying to contact him for a few days. Decided I was gonna just move on completely and not even have him as a friend because he'd lied to me, and I didn't need that. However, I just needed answers so I emailed him on Sunday night, just poured my heart out, said everything I had to say. Basically I just said I couldnt believe he had lied to me even though I had asked him was he seeing her. Brought up about him changing his number, why he said he wanted to be friends and obviously was not making any effort.

I got an email back from him this morning. At the start of it he was pretty annoyed, but calmed down as he wrote more. He said that the reason he broke up with me was because of my trust issues. Then in the email he told me how perfect I was, not to let it control my life. He asked me to talk to someone about it because it would make me feel so much better. He finished the email with "Your great (my name here lol )i really mean that you are amazing but you need to change the way you think about things or else it will control your life!xxx"

I wrote back and explained that I had been trying my best to change myself, the way I thought, the way I felt and I wasnt going to let past experiences ruin things for me. I told him that I was blind to the fact that it was so damaging to our relationship and he should have talked to me about it. The reply I got was:

"Its hard telling someone that they have problems i dint want to hurt you by keeping saying to you that there was a problem i had told you before but its not really my place to say all the time to you about it, i know you were trying to sort yourself about the situation. Im going to ***** (home town) on monday so i can meet you then, and no im not finding it easy even though you think i am.x"

So I agreed to meet him. I asked him about the girl he was supposed to be seeing and he said that I've gotten my wires crossed and he will explain when he sees me (its something to do with him, her, a guy called Colin and her ex...this should be interesting...).

But, this is where it gets confusing. He made it pretty clear that he would still like to have sex with me. He says that he doesnt know where his head is right now and maybe we should take a few months to see how we feel. I told him that I wasnt sure about the sex thing, as much as I miss it, that might cloud our judgement and plus I would just find it difficult. The other thing is, I dont really want to wait too long because he might find someone else and I would be waiting for nothing. What do you people think? I told him more or less we will discuss things face to face because I think it's always different when you see the person. He said though maybe it would be best to just stick to friends stuff then if I dont think anything else a good idea.

Does he actually want back with him for who I am or is he just in it for the sex now? I guess the only thing I can do it wait and see what happens when I see him...its a tough situation. He doesnt know how he feels, what he wants. I think he cares about me to a degree, but misses the sex and still wants something with me without the commitment....urgh I don't know .

AARRRGH

Waiting a few months will be hell for you, whether or not you're having sex with him.

Remember Spock from Star Trek? Whenever I can't make up my mind on something, I try to imagine what he would say. I reckon Spock would recommend you cut your losses and start the healing process.

It's a tough one though!

Good luck.

Trinity

How long were you with him?

I only have one piece of advice for you if you want him back - Don't sleep with him. Why would he get back into a relationship with you when he can just shag you whenever without the commitment.

Wait and see what he has to say.

Captain Ginger

To be honest I really don't think you should cheapen yourself to a sex toy.

If the relationship is over then he can't expect you to be his obedient lapdog. By all means meet up with him and talk, but remember, he made you feel like crap, and if you continue sleeping with him and he then goes off with another girl, well just imagen how you would feel then.

This is coming from a guy as well, move on and find someone who might actually show you some respect.

Bottom line is it sounds like he's sweet talking you into a no strings attached shag.

And as ashamed as I am to admit it I did the exact same thing he is trying to do years ago and it's nothing I'm proud of.

Neurotica

I was with him for a year. If I wasn't with him that long I would tell him where to go straight away, but he means a lot to me. I actually dont think sex is a good idea at the moment at all, and I'm not really willing to wait too long to see if he wants me or not. I told him this, so he knows how things stand. Last thing he said on MSN was "Maybe we should just stick to doing friend stuff then" and signed out (but I think he had to go in a hurry anyway).

Ahh, I guess Ill see him and see what happens, talk to him face to face. Then he will be cornered and I can suss out his reaction better, lol.

davyjose

Trinity1 wrote: »

How long were you with him?

I only have one piece of advice for you if you want him back - Don't sleep with him. Why would he get back into a relationship with you when he can just shag you whenever without the commitment.

Wait and see what he has to say.

+1 - if you havsex with him you've allowed him have his cake and eat it, and yours too. While you get nothing. DO NOT have sex with him, until you are certain you's are back together.

SarahSassy

Bottom line is that you are NOT compatible.... Both of you need to grow up before having an adult relationship without the trust crap.... If ye are right or each other, communicating well and not acting the plonkers then there is no trust issue.... Bottom line - from what you have said, you are clingy, he is playing round and ye should not be together so move on.....

SS

PS he wants you to be his easy F buddy... Choose that option wisely... He has dumped you... if he loved you he would want the sex and relationship.