Why cant i trust ?

LegacyUser

Hi
I have been going out with a great guy for 3 years i love him dearly, maybe too much ! He has never cheated on me or given me any reason not to trust him but my insecurities are ruining our relationship. I cant stand any girl talking to him ( not girls i no obviously ) and im terrified he will cheat on me , its like im waiting for something bad to happen.
I hate feeling like this , but for the record i only feel like this when he is drinking cause sometimes he gets messy drunk. the rest of the time we have a fantastic relationship but maybe on some level i feel like this because my father left us years ago and cheated on my mom numerous times.......
I cant to be able to trust him 100% but i just cant ...any advice on how i can get past my insecurities ?

RedXIV

I'm not 100% on how you can actually get rid of these securities but hopefully i can simply scare them out of you because they WILL be the end of your relationship. I saw a FANTASTIC relationship go to hell because the girl kept accusing the guy of flirting and cheating. He was at a loss because he never did either. (odd flirt when he was drunk but usually followed up by "ah you're nowhere NEAR as good as my missus")

Use self control lass, unless you've got evidence, you're being paranoid

Wibbs

I suppose by first realising that they are your insecurities and are not based on reality. Let's imagine he did cheat on you, would you worrying about it have increased that chance or "made" him do that? Not really, or at least would be around the same effect as if yu didn't worry about it.

The second bit is of course your fathers actions have informed how you may view men and how they act. Realise that he is just one example of one man. Other men are different. Also realise that it's pretty likely that nothing your mum could have done would have stopped him cheating and there's equally nothing you can do to stop someone cheating either. That's the decision they make.

Sometimes when people have a view of how men(or women) may act based on their own experiences they may actually seek out such a type that will confirm that, or indeed hope they can "stop" now what they feel they failed to stop when they were kids.

That can happen, but it seems your boyfriend has shown no sign of cheating so you need to try to move on from it, by realising that the only person you can control is yourself.

jellie

Has anyone ever cheated on you before?

What are you insecure about? You? Your relationship? Do you think/know he loves you?

LegacyUser

Im 100% positive he loves me , we're even engaged ... Believe me i know how rediculous this sounds being engaged and feeling the way i do but i cant help it. I no he has done nothing wrong i no its all down to me...what am i insecure about ... i guess that he will stop loving me or leave me ..... i love him with all my heart and theres nothing i wouldnt do for him but every single time he is out without me and with the lads i cant help thinking that he will get really drunk and do something stupid.. it eats me up inside... he tells me im the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he loves me with everything in him so please say there is some way of getting rid of all these negative insane thoughts ?

wylo

You seem to be able to fully acknowledge that its your own problem and nothing to do with him. You also seem to be genuinely open to advice and help, I would really recommend you see a councillor. I know this sounds extreme considering all this is is jealousy,but Im getting from your post that this is really really bothering you and your father seems to be the root cause of this. If you continue like this, you'll not only destroy your relationship with your fiance,but you destroy any relationship to come after that one has finished.

MJOR

I understand your fears but your insecurities are rotting away at what sounds to me like a good relationship...... Read a book like self matters.... the problem isn't your man its your insecurity.... so heal yourself the relationship is fine