Can anybody else in their 30s empathise?

LegacyUser

Thanks in advance to those of you who read this post and provide some objective insight.

The back story is that I am a guy in my early 30s living in Dublin. I've always been quite a reserved person; I was somewhat of a loner in secondary school as I spent most of my free time studying for the leaving cert whilst most of my peers were out developing interests and friendships.

My situation improved when I left the regional town in which I grew up and moved to Dublin for university. I fell in with a great, albeit small group of friends and thoroughly enjoyed enjoyed the experience. The academic aspect was also fantastic as I was engaged with the material, although I knew that there was no obvious career path after graduation. In any event, I managed to get a foothold in the "boom" industry of the late '90s and have been reasonably successful despite having little interest in or aptitude for the work.

I stayed in my first job for quite a few years, primarily because it was reasonably relaxed and there was a good social buzz. The majority of my university friends were also nearby and generally I knocked out a good time throughout my 20s.

However, things have taken a significant turn for the worse in the last few years. Staring 30 down the barrel of a gun, I decided that it was time that I got serious about my career and starting pushing myself to achieve. I applied to a company generally considered to be the industry leader and to my surprise was offered a position. However, in the three years I have been here, it has been ceaseless stress and an almost unmanageable workload. It also does not have the compensatory factor of friendship with your colleagues. In fact, it is a highly competitive environment in which everyone is trying to climb the greasy pole.

Meanwhile, in my personal life, many of my friends have married and moved out of Dublin or gone abroad. I rarely see them these days although we are still in touch via e-mail and the odd text / call. I didn't really remain in contact with colleagues from my previous job and many of them have moved on to pastures new anyway. So basically, I find myself in my early 30s with just one or two friends, no significant other (that's a whole other issue :-), and in a company and job that I am slowly starting to despise. This really wasn't the life I envisaged when I was beavering away for my leaving cert and college exams!

Worst of all, I feel myself regressing to the gauche and awkward person I was as a teenager. I feel that I have lost the (probably false) confidence I developed in my 20s, primarily due to greatly reduced opportunities for meeting new people, lack of friends, and through feeling totally alienated at work. On average, I probably get out about once every 3 weeks and even then it's just getting smashed in the pub with one other friend. I just feel horribly boxed into the unsatisfactory life I am leading currently but have no idea how to extricate myself from this stressful and lonely situation.

Lately, I've been thinking I should jack in the job, sell my apartment and seek a radical alternative e.g. go teach English in one of the Gulf states. On the other hand, my more sensible side is telling me that all I need to do is find a job that doesn't make me miserable and join a few clubs to expand my social circle. I'm really at a loss in terms of what direction to take. Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

I'd really appreciate your assessment of my situation. I know this issue is trivial compared to the problems of other people but I am feeling totally lost at a time in life when I should be getting my act together.

Thanks for reading this long and meandering post.

newname

I'd say there's 1000's of people all over ireland feeling exactly the same as you now, there has been a few threads on the subject over the past while. My half pennies worth is to ditch the idea of running away from it, you'll prob just come back and have to face the same situation again a few years down the line. You sound like your just a girlfriend, a good friend or a different job away from happiness - each of which could be just around the corner.

LegacyUser

Hi there

What small consolation it might be - you're not alone in how your feeling or the situation you are in - I can vouch for that! I'm 30 and alone and facing the same uncertainties as yourself. I'm reasonably successful career wise and own a nice house in a good area. On the face of it - I'm confident and self assured - but behind it all - I feel a bit empty and kind of lost. I am blessed to have a small number of good friends, but I do feel that little by little, as they all pair off - I'm going to be left behind and alone - what is my life going to be like in 5 or 10 years time?

That's enough about my situation, but I do think its important you know that you're not alone in where you find yourself in life.

In terms of advise - if you're not happy in your job - you need to address that as soon as possible. Again - I spent a number of years in a highly stressful job - without fully realising the effect it was having on me physically and mentally. Thankfully I got out at the right time, but it was only when I looked back I realised how miserable I was. Career is important, but not at the expense of your health and happiness. I think if you move to a job that involves less stress and allows you evenings and weekends to yourself - then you'll be in a position to get involved in clubs or evening courses which will allow you to meet new people.

I would regard the nuclear option of upping sticks and heading abroad as Plan B. But if you start to make small incremental changes and change your work setting to facilitate them - then I think things will improve. Small changes are important - one of my favourite sayings is: "light a candle rather than curse the darkness".

Good luck.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Watershed wrote: »

Thanks in advance to those of you who read this post and provide some objective insight.

The back story is that I am a guy in my early 30s living in Dublin. I've always been quite a reserved person; I was somewhat of a loner in secondary school as I spent most of my free time studying for the leaving cert whilst most of my peers were out developing interests and friendships.

My situation improved when I left the regional town in which I grew up and moved to Dublin for university. I fell in with a great, albeit small group of friends and thoroughly enjoyed enjoyed the experience. The academic aspect was also fantastic as I was engaged with the material, although I knew that there was no obvious career path after graduation. In any event, I managed to get a foothold in the "boom" industry of the late '90s and have been reasonably successful despite having little interest in or aptitude for the work.

I stayed in my first job for quite a few years, primarily because it was reasonably relaxed and there was a good social buzz. The majority of my university friends were also nearby and generally I knocked out a good time throughout my 20s.

However, things have taken a significant turn for the worse in the last few years. Staring 30 down the barrel of a gun, I decided that it was time that I got serious about my career and starting pushing myself to achieve. I applied to a company generally considered to be the industry leader and to my surprise was offered a position. However, in the three years I have been here, it has been ceaseless stress and an almost unmanageable workload. It also does not have the compensatory factor of friendship with your colleagues. In fact, it is a highly competitive environment in which everyone is trying to climb the greasy pole.

Meanwhile, in my personal life, many of my friends have married and moved out of Dublin or gone abroad. I rarely see them these days although we are still in touch via e-mail and the odd text / call. I didn't really remain in contact with colleagues from my previous job and many of them have moved on to pastures new anyway. So basically, I find myself in my early 30s with just one or two friends, no significant other (that's a whole other issue :-), and in a company and job that I am slowly starting to despise. This really wasn't the life I envisaged when I was beavering away for my leaving cert and college exams!

Worst of all, I feel myself regressing to the gauche and awkward person I was as a teenager. I feel that I have lost the (probably false) confidence I developed in my 20s, primarily due to greatly reduced opportunities for meeting new people, lack of friends, and through feeling totally alienated at work. On average, I probably get out about once every 3 weeks and even then it's just getting smashed in the pub with one other friend. I just feel horribly boxed into the unsatisfactory life I am leading currently but have no idea how to extricate myself from this stressful and lonely situation.

Lately, I've been thinking I should jack in the job, sell my apartment and seek a radical alternative e.g. go teach English in one of the Gulf states. On the other hand, my more sensible side is telling me that all I need to do is find a job that doesn't make me miserable and join a few clubs to expand my social circle. I'm really at a loss in terms of what direction to take. Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

I'd really appreciate your assessment of my situation. I know this issue is trivial compared to the problems of other people but I am feeling totally lost at a time in life when I should be getting my act together.

Thanks for reading this long and meandering post.

I'd say travel. Broaded the horizons a bit. I'm not nessecarily saying "move" - just take a few months/weeks off (dending on finances). People tend to lose a few inhinbitions and come out of their shell when they travel.

There's a good site for people travelling alone to hook up with people from your target city before they get there, maybe even find a place to stay - http://www.couchsurfing.com . Certainly makes life easier when you 'know' as soon as you get there

Hope that helps.

kowloon

At least you have the academic achievements. Not sure staying in a job you hate is a very good idea. If you're not reliant on the money I would pack it in.

cjmcork

snap - am now 33, had a bad experience with an ex and completely turned me off - that was 7 years ago - in the meantime all my friends moved on and got married, which means now that I only see them in their houses, cos they have kids - don't get me wrong, i don't want kids, but a cuddle every now and again would be nice............there's loads of us out there!! welcome to the world of what Helen Fielding would call singletons..:rolleyes:

newestUser

Watershed wrote: »

Thanks in advance to those of you who read this post and provide some objective insight.

The back story is that I am a guy in my early 30s living in Dublin. I've always been quite a reserved person; I was somewhat of a loner in secondary school as I spent most of my free time studying for the leaving cert whilst most of my peers were out developing interests and friendships.

My situation improved when I left the regional town in which I grew up and moved to Dublin for university. I fell in with a great, albeit small group of friends and thoroughly enjoyed enjoyed the experience. The academic aspect was also fantastic as I was engaged with the material, although I knew that there was no obvious career path after graduation. In any event, I managed to get a foothold in the "boom" industry of the late '90s and have been reasonably successful despite having little interest in or aptitude for the work.

I stayed in my first job for quite a few years, primarily because it was reasonably relaxed and there was a good social buzz. The majority of my university friends were also nearby and generally I knocked out a good time throughout my 20s.

However, things have taken a significant turn for the worse in the last few years. Staring 30 down the barrel of a gun, I decided that it was time that I got serious about my career and starting pushing myself to achieve. I applied to a company generally considered to be the industry leader and to my surprise was offered a position. However, in the three years I have been here, it has been ceaseless stress and an almost unmanageable workload. It also does not have the compensatory factor of friendship with your colleagues. In fact, it is a highly competitive environment in which everyone is trying to climb the greasy pole.

Meanwhile, in my personal life, many of my friends have married and moved out of Dublin or gone abroad. I rarely see them these days although we are still in touch via e-mail and the odd text / call. I didn't really remain in contact with colleagues from my previous job and many of them have moved on to pastures new anyway. So basically, I find myself in my early 30s with just one or two friends, no significant other (that's a whole other issue :-), and in a company and job that I am slowly starting to despise. This really wasn't the life I envisaged when I was beavering away for my leaving cert and college exams!

Worst of all, I feel myself regressing to the gauche and awkward person I was as a teenager. I feel that I have lost the (probably false) confidence I developed in my 20s, primarily due to greatly reduced opportunities for meeting new people, lack of friends, and through feeling totally alienated at work. On average, I probably get out about once every 3 weeks and even then it's just getting smashed in the pub with one other friend. I just feel horribly boxed into the unsatisfactory life I am leading currently but have no idea how to extricate myself from this stressful and lonely situation.

Lately, I've been thinking I should jack in the job, sell my apartment and seek a radical alternative e.g. go teach English in one of the Gulf states. On the other hand, my more sensible side is telling me that all I need to do is find a job that doesn't make me miserable and join a few clubs to expand my social circle. I'm really at a loss in terms of what direction to take. Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

I'd really appreciate your assessment of my situation. I know this issue is trivial compared to the problems of other people but I am feeling totally lost at a time in life when I should be getting my act together.

Thanks for reading this long and meandering post.

I think that the person you were during the Leaving Cert is ancient history. The fact that you mention it at all (and what you say subsequently) makes you sound as though you consider yourself a bit of a tragic victim, doomed to wander unhappily through life. Even when you are happy and confident it's 'false' or 'fake' as you put it, because at your core you are an unhappy person. I suggest working on this. Do you wallow in self-pity to an unhelpful degree? Are you an overly negative, pessimistic person? If you consider yourself to be a victim somehow, who's to blame for that? You? Your family? I'm not criticising here, I just think there's a faint whiff of 'victim-hood' from your post, and I'd like to know if I'm totally misinterpreting your post.

If you're not happy in your job, and there's nothing holding you there, leave. Some people say that outside of a bad marriage, there's nothing in life that'll make you more unhappy than the wrong job. I've never been married, so I can't comment on that, but I sure as hell know that the wrong job, with the wrong crowd will make you miserable. Without knowing more about why you dislike your job, it's hard to say authoritatively whether or not you would be better off gone (you could have a sh!tty attitude to work which needs to be changed, instead of your workplace, for all we know), but assuming that's not the case, it's hard to argue the case for staying. The right job could have you mixing with people you click with, open up a whole new social vista for you, and kill several birds with the one stone.

Changing jobs is a good idea to meet up with new folks. It's where you'll spend most of your waking hours, it's where most other people spend most of their waking hours, if you want to meet new people, I'd recommend it. I know some will say that changing jobs to broaden your social circle is a bit extreme, but honestly I can't think of a better way to change the faces you see and the people you hang around with on a daily basis to a significant extent. There are other ways to do it (clubs, hobbies, etc) but the best way to quickly start moving in different social circles is to work somewhere new. And your job affects your demeanour outside the office. You probably will end up giving off negative, unhappy vibes to people that you meet (been there, worn the t-shirt) outside of your job, which isn't attractive. Working in a job with people you don't like screws up your social life in that there's the opportunity cost of working somewhere you don't make friends, and you're constantly pissed off and moany and that kinda repels people outside of work.

I don't think you're regressing, I think you're going through a bad patch. Social skills have to be practiced, they get rusty, maybe your job and life in general means that your social skills aren't as sharp as they could be.

Travelling is a short-term solution, and you could end up walking straight back into the same problems you have now upon returning.

For what it's worth, I'm thirty next month, and a lot of what you describe could be applied to me too, yet I wouldn't paint it anywhere near as negatively as you do. As an earlier poster said, a few things clicking together and going right for you work and relationship wise could make a big difference to how you feel. Just be willing to make changes, keep the chin up, if things don't work out try a different tack, etc.

Sorry, I've answered your meandering post with another meandering post. In short: if I were in your shoes, I'd go for the drastic change option instead of the small, incremental changes, but I'd change your job instead of going to a different country.

LegacyUser

so some people may think travelling is a short term solution but sometimes it takes something radical to change things...im stuck at the mo cause of a commitment (temporarily) but in 2 years, im outta this place for sure to teach english abroad. im not gona worry about settling down etc cause i believe that everything happens in its own good time- and i dont want to live for regrets. sides plenty of people meet people travelling.

but then thats just me- its not for everyone...i guess i could just never understand how some people focus on career and family etc and never experience travelling or something not so structured- you can do the whole career, travelling etc...if you wanted- if your not sure, you could try taking a career break for 6 months- some places are open to it, some are not. Maybe a taste of travel is for you/maybe its not..? I can only speak for myself.

MIN2511

Right; am suffering from a hangover so excuse my grammar/sloppiness e.t.c.

While travelling might be a short term plan there is nothing stopping you from doing it now and when you get back(that is if you come back) decide on the bigger picture. No one knows what tomorrow is going to bring. You can plan your life for all you want but then something that happens in a split second would completely change everything.

LegacyUser

I'm not in my thirties just yet, but people on here have already given you good advise.

Just wanted to say, since you have been dabbling in the thought of leaving your life here altogether, just to remember that when it comes to settling down, you might well want to return,to (even though it isnt what it used to be) your old friends, old surroundings. And that if you were to return, you could well have to start again from scratch, or find yourself in an even more difficult scenario.

Just keep that in your considerations if you're still thinking of going, it might help when you're figuring out what to do down the line.

I would say maybe just to start looking around for a new job, give it some time and see how it goes, give yourself some time to unwind, join some clubs etc.

Other countries aren't going anywhere at a fast rate, so that will always be an option for you, but try and tire out all your other options first to be on the safe side.

Hope things work out for you!

JCB

watershed wrote:

I just feel horribly boxed into the unsatisfactory life I am leading currently but have no idea how to extricate myself from this stressful and lonely situation.

watershed wrote:

So basically, I find myself in my early 30s with just one or two friends, no significant other (that's a whole other issue :-), and in a company and job that I am slowly starting to despise. This really wasn't the life I envisaged when I was beavering away for my leaving cert and college exams!

Hi Watershed,
I'd think you'd be surprised about how many people are in exactly the same situation. Combination of stressful work and essentially lack of fun which faces many people in their 30's is certainly not what people envisage when leaving college.

I think you know that a job that you despise is not going to make you a happy person. I would seriously advocate looking for an alternative but of course that all depends on what you can afford.

Watershed wrote: »

I was somewhat of a loner in secondary school as I spent most of my free time studying for the leaving cert whilst most of my peers were out developing interests and friendships.
The academic aspect was also fantastic as I was engaged with the material, although I knew that there was no obvious career path after graduation

I don't think it's a coincidence that you've mentioned your secondary school days in this post. Studying and learning was your interest then and was in college too, going on the above.
You come across as very well read and I am just wondering have you considered continuing with your education? If you enjoy learning as an interest why not keep it up?

As I'd say you have already observed, college is the time when people are most open to meeting new people so a move back in that direction could help both your academic and personal life.

Does doing a research course in your academic area appeal to you? Or maybe a postgrad taught course in an unrelated field of interest to you.

Since you are based in Dublin, you do have a choice and some colleges have a large number of post grads of varying ages not just 23 year olds!

As for career, researching leads to academia and well chosen taught courses could update your skills for a new workarea in a few years time. Your financial situation of course will have a large influence on whether you could return full or part time.

watershed wrote:

Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

This of course is up to you and I am confident you will make the right decision. A move towards your natural interests and a change of job are steps in the right direction.

LegacyUser

Hi, I would like to reiterate someone elses point that you NEVER know what is around the next corner, your life can be changed forever just by one moment!

I personally am a risk taker. If I was in your position, I'd do a tefl course, rent out my flat, not sell it and do some travelling to broaden my horizons and meet some new people and get a new perspective on what life has to offer.

You say that you can't do that for a while. So my next suggestion is to change your job to a lower stress job. Life is too short and precious wasting it in a job with low satisfaction and appreciation. Maybe you could change your job and possibly take an evening course? This could add some more strings to your bow for work and give you an opportunity to meet new people?

Or maybe take up some type of exercise class that is interactive like a martial art where you learn some new outlooks on life, get fit and feel better about yourself and also get the chance to meet new people?

I am a firm believer that we are all in control of our own lives and really the only one who can change it, is ourselves, so get out there and change it! Think about self-fulfilling destiny. You can do what ever you believe you can do. Just think positively!

Hope this helps you somewhat:) Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Hi All,

It's the OP returning to this thread. I just want to thank you for reviewing what I posted and providing plenty of food for thought.

@Sameboat: it is a consolation to know that other people are having similar experiences and I like your reference to lighting a candle rather than cursing the darkness.

@Newest User: I think that your assessment is pretty fair. It's a very incisive reading of the original post. Perhaps I have been wallowing self-pity for the last while instead of getting off my backside to try to resolve the situation. Fundamentally, I have a tendency towards pessimism; this is something that I really need to knock on the head. However, I don't think my attitude to work stinks; I've actually been performing reasonably well - it's just my lack of interest and the lack of camaraderie that get to me. As you mentioned, the cure is in my own hands.

@JCB: I think you hit the nail on the head. I've always been more interested in research and learning rather than working in industry. I feel like a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole in this results- and profit-driven environment.

Anyway, thanks all for your help. You've really helped me realise that running away for a few years will not resolve this problem. I'm going to start looking for new, less stressful job immediately and my goal is to have moved on before Christmas. I'm also going to put myself out there a lot more and hopefully things will start to click for me again.

All the best.

Daisygirl

Hi Watershed,
I know I'm a few days late in seeing this thread, but I just wanted to let you know, I was in the same boat at you. I spent 7 years in a stressful job, finding that I spent most of my waking minutes thinking about work, dreading going in on the Monday, hated the idea of taking holidays as it meant twice the amount of work before I went and when I came back, my social life non existent (due to my own fault).

I woke one day decided enough was enough and I wanted something else - what I didn't know but I didn't want this. So I went into my boss handed in my notice (which wasn't accepted so a leave of absence was a comprise), booked a flight and spend 9 months

travelling and having the best time of my life, the only regret I have is coming home early for work and back to the same old routine I left behind. 3 years later, I've moved cities, in a job I enjoy, bought a house, social life is great, made great friends and most importantly enjoying myself. Lots of my friends are married with families and I still have single friends, I'm 31 and single and I'm happy.

You're not this earth for a short time make sure it's a good time

All I can say is, I think you need to make a decision for you. You are the most important thing in this equation - do what makes you feel happy. Jobs cannot be what you live your life around, I know I made a drastic decision to hit for the hills and go travelling but I would highly recommend it. It helps you find out what sort of person you are maybe not a year but a short trip on your own just so you access what you really want.

Best of luck and I'm sorry for rattling on xx

AARRRGH

Watershed wrote: »

Lately, I've been thinking I should jack in the job, sell my apartment and seek a radical alternative e.g. go teach English in one of the Gulf states. On the other hand, my more sensible side is telling me that all I need to do is find a job that doesn't make me miserable and join a few clubs to expand my social circle. I'm really at a loss in terms of what direction to take. Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

You sound a bit lost. You need to spend some time rediscovering yourself.

It would make sense to try the hobbies and clubs route. What did you love doing as a teenager/young man? You could start there for ideas.

If the idea of teaching English in China or whereever still appeals in a few months, there's no harm giving that a serious look. Could you rent out your apartment while you're away?

The most important thing to remember is that you have loads of options. You're not trapped. As you said yourself, worst case scenario you could sell everything and start a new exciting life somewhere abroad.

manic56

Watershed wrote: »

Thanks in advance to those of you who read this post and provide some objective insight.

The back story is that I am a guy in my early 30s living in Dublin. I've always been quite a reserved person; I was somewhat of a loner in secondary school as I spent most of my free time studying for the leaving cert whilst most of my peers were out developing interests and friendships.

My situation improved when I left the regional town in which I grew up and moved to Dublin for university. I fell in with a great, albeit small group of friends and thoroughly enjoyed enjoyed the experience. The academic aspect was also fantastic as I was engaged with the material, although I knew that there was no obvious career path after graduation. In any event, I managed to get a foothold in the "boom" industry of the late '90s and have been reasonably successful despite having little interest in or aptitude for the work.

I stayed in my first job for quite a few years, primarily because it was reasonably relaxed and there was a good social buzz. The majority of my university friends were also nearby and generally I knocked out a good time throughout my 20s.

However, things have taken a significant turn for the worse in the last few years. Staring 30 down the barrel of a gun, I decided that it was time that I got serious about my career and starting pushing myself to achieve. I applied to a company generally considered to be the industry leader and to my surprise was offered a position. However, in the three years I have been here, it has been ceaseless stress and an almost unmanageable workload. It also does not have the compensatory factor of friendship with your colleagues. In fact, it is a highly competitive environment in which everyone is trying to climb the greasy pole.

Meanwhile, in my personal life, many of my friends have married and moved out of Dublin or gone abroad. I rarely see them these days although we are still in touch via e-mail and the odd text / call. I didn't really remain in contact with colleagues from my previous job and many of them have moved on to pastures new anyway. So basically, I find myself in my early 30s with just one or two friends, no significant other (that's a whole other issue :-), and in a company and job that I am slowly starting to despise. This really wasn't the life I envisaged when I was beavering away for my leaving cert and college exams!

Worst of all, I feel myself regressing to the gauche and awkward person I was as a teenager. I feel that I have lost the (probably false) confidence I developed in my 20s, primarily due to greatly reduced opportunities for meeting new people, lack of friends, and through feeling totally alienated at work. On average, I probably get out about once every 3 weeks and even then it's just getting smashed in the pub with one other friend. I just feel horribly boxed into the unsatisfactory life I am leading currently but have no idea how to extricate myself from this stressful and lonely situation.

Lately, I've been thinking I should jack in the job, sell my apartment and seek a radical alternative e.g. go teach English in one of the Gulf states. On the other hand, my more sensible side is telling me that all I need to do is find a job that doesn't make me miserable and join a few clubs to expand my social circle. I'm really at a loss in terms of what direction to take. Do I take the big step and totally shake up the life I am leading or try to make smaller, incremental changes to my life in Dublin?

I'd really appreciate your assessment of my situation. I know this issue is trivial compared to the problems of other people but I am feeling totally lost at a time in life when I should be getting my act together.

Thanks for reading this long and meandering post.

Have you tried joining a club?

DenMan

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I'd say travel. Broaded the horizons a bit. I'm not nessecarily saying "move" - just take a few months/weeks off (dending on finances). People tend to lose a few inhinbitions and come out of their shell when they travel.

There's a good site for people travelling alone to hook up with people from your target city before they get there, maybe even find a place to stay - http://www.couchsurfing.com . Certainly makes life easier when you 'know' as soon as you get there

Hope that helps.

Hi OP

That's a great idea from Ikky Poo2. Traveling really does expand the mind and allows it to really flourish. From my own experience I can say that it has worked for me personally. I was quite a introverted person before, although I was confident with myself and could interact very well with people. However I did like to have my own time. I was comfortable with myself and never allowed it to affect me.

Then I went to University in the UK and after that went to work in Malta for a while. It definitely helped to mould me as a person. Makes you more open minded. Now I am back in Ireland I am returning to full time education in Sept 08. I do see myself working abroad once I graduate, in Spain or Dubai definitely. Maybe a career change is what you need. It will make you feel better about yourself. The time is now. Live in it. Make the change for yourself. Good luck.

LegacyUser

hi for my 10 cents this is how i see your situation and i recently turned 3o myself...i hear alot of shoulds and have to's in your voice which is like criticism in your head.... if you have a critical voice in your head telling you -you are not good enough or you have to do it this way,or that...then you are not truely listening to your real inner voice.....

you actually have alot going for you -good work ethetic,ability to get the head down,commitment to your job and studies,intelligent guy,has good interests-reading...have your own apartment,like to socialise.....

great start there -i think you just need to give yourself permission to be you and to really do what you want to do-NOT what you think you should do,or parents feel you should do or whatever.... society gives us a rough guide of college-job-money-house-it defines success as money,image,good job,car clothers etc.... i have really learned this year that success to me is how content i am in myself-...really nothing else matters...

this year i took a year out of work and i tried to wind down from years of studying and working-to just relax and do nothing for a while was really hard -i had all these critical voices in my head saying -how dare you not work -you have to get a job-look at you chillin out at home-i know it sounds stupid but i had to work through months of this critical voice and re train my thinking so i could give myself permission to relax...

well... eventually i did and it was the best thing i ever did... when you do sit with yourself for a long period of time every all those feeling come up and i was able to process them and let that way of thinking go-a year later and i feel on top of the world,i revived myself and my energy levels,my mind thinks at a much slower pace,i have energy now to go back to work,and i have been able to get alot of work done at home because i did it off my own back,relaxed with no pressure..and i can use it now this year...so sometimes you dont have to go away to find yourself.....

look around you and see what you have and grow those feelings of appreciation for yourself and your talents,learn to love you and everyone else will-i know thats really cheesy to say but its true!

also i recently read a book called the 'a new earth'-eckhart tolle.... its amazing,teaches you to forget about the way we are supposed to be and just feel what its like to be... we are all thinking too much in our heads rather than feeling our existance,if you look at how a dog is-you can see that it just gets on with everything,and doesnt think too much about life... humans are the only creatures to think and use fear before they do something,dogs just go about and do it,they live in the present moment...

there are very small things you can start to change straight away,and you could get a nice notebook and start to write out all the things you would really like to do and just play around with the ideas -just for fun... eventually one will stick out more than others and you will know what you truely want....

..................................desire,ask,believe,recieve