just found out b/f suffers from depression

Oflynna

have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly half a year now, we're in our early/mid-thirties, and i just found out that he's been on antidepressants for the last two years (and had been on medication twice before in his twenties). he never said anything but his medication was just lying around in his room and at first i didn't want to ask him what the pills were for (you never know, it could have been something embarrassing) and i didn't want to go and try and find out what they were for behind his back either. and he was going to regular meetings but just said he had something on that night without further explanation but i knew there was something he wasn't telling me.

anyway, after getting to know him better, i figured out that the pills were probably psychiatric medication and a few days ago i finally googled them...

when i tried to talk to him he was all 'i don't know why i didn't tell you, i'm actually quite open about it and it's no secret', laid down the major facts, said that he was feeling fine and that he was about to get off the anti-depressants and asked why i was so upset (i start to cry really easily and hardly managed to get a word out during our talk). and after ten minutes or so our conversation was over and he just went off to do something else.

he has problems sleeping, is quiet anxious and, what i struggle most with, seems to be emotionally detached and i feel i can't get through to him, he never says anything about how he feels about me or us, i don't know what's going on inside him, he is never really happy or excited or sad (but he can be really pissed off and angry). we get on great with each other and spend a lot of time together, i've met most of his friends and his family and he's been really great and i totally fell for him and i feel so sad and frustrated and helpless at the moment... how is he going to change once he's off the meds?

are there any support groups around for people who's partner suffers from depression?

anyone who's going through something similar?

i just don't know what to do and think right now... i just want to be there for him...

Nevyn

http://www.aware.ie/index.htm

They run a few different support groups and have other resources as well.

I would sugget that you are careful not to latch on to his moods or blame yourself for when he is down. Educate yourself as much as possible and well then you have to decided to ask him about it or wait for him to talk to you.

lemon_of_old

Oflynna wrote: »

he has problems sleeping, is quiet anxious and, what i struggle most with, seems to be emotionally detached and i feel i can't get through to him, he never says anything about how he feels about me or us, i don't know what's going on inside him, he is never really happy or excited or sad (but he can be really pissed off and angry).

A side-effect with some anti-depressants can be a feeling of detachment or numbness to everything that's going on around you. Don't take this personally.

It's great that you care so much about him, and are not running for the hills. But don't freak out, he's obviously dealing with this if he's on the medication in the first place. He should have been more open with you about it, but people react in different ways to this type of issue. If he's trying to come off the anti-depressants, he will need your support. Just stay calm, let him know you're there for him and are willing to listen. I know it's a lot to take in that your partner has been hiding something like this from you, and has upset you a lot. He's still the same guy you fell for, he's just got a medical condition you didn't know about and is doing his best to get well. By all means seek out a support network to help you through this, you'll find lots of people in your position. But don't give up on him, stay calm and positive, and best of luck OP!

Aurora Borealis

Try not to let his moods dictate yours if you can at all. Just leave him work through it himself. Lots of people suffer from depression at diferent points in their lives it's not a death sentence or something to be ashamed of at all.

MissThing

If he'd told you before, chances are you would treat him differently - just carry on as before. So he has an illness, he's recognised it and has sought treatement - that's commendable. He won't just stop the meds, he'll be weaned off so the withdrawl effects will be gradual.

MJOR

MissThing wrote: »

If he'd told you before, chances are you would treat him differently - just carry on as before. So he has an illness, he's recognised it and has sought treatement - that's commendable. He won't just stop the meds, he'll be weaned off so the withdrawl effects will be gradual.

All you can do is be there for him... its great that you're being so strong don't let it taint your view of him or the relationship there is no stigma attached to it.