sorry, just i need an ear

me2gud4u

right, this post is insignificant in comparison to some of the other problems here but it's nice to be able to get an unbiased opinion.

so the story goes...........

I'm a recently turned 19 girl who is studying the course of her dreams and is generally very happy. For the past two yrs I have been going out with the most amazing guy but today we both ended it. I guess the strain of our first yr in college was beginning to make us realise that a break up was inevitable as we were finding it so hard to balance our time, goings out, friends, work etc with being together. Things were also made difficult by him being in trinity and me being in ucd and with both of us studying courses which are considered heavy, seeing one another was quite difficult. Yet that said, we managed through the yr, making time for one another and when we were out together we had great fun. He had become my best friend and knew everything about me. Today, we ended it mutually due to the fact that we decided it probably better to end it now,as it was pretty inevitable, rather than wait three four yrs down the line when it would be a lot more difficult. I will still be in college in five yrs time and I still wont be finished my training entirely yet he will be done in three yrs.............i guess we both realised that our lives would eventually take different routes and that we would want different things at our different stages.
Yet doing what we did today was probably the most heart wrenching thing I have ever done. I don't think i have ever been as torn and upset because I feel like I am losing my best friend. I have never cried as much and felt so down even though we ended on good terms. We said we would remain good friends as he said he could not just shut me out of his life like that and to be honest I don't think i can either as I have really loved him so much over the past 2 yrs.

my question is will we be able to remain friends?or is it better to cut all ties and see each other just when our group is out together?

sorry for this ridiculously long post but i'm getting varied opinions from everyone i know.

jellie

poor you, i know how youre feeling things are gonna be so tough.

its probably not what you want to hear but the staying friends thing is just impossibly hard. especially at the beginning. try keep your distance for awhile at least.

try to stay busy, make sure you eat properly, and if youre not sleeping try doing lots of exercise to wear yourself out so youll sleep.
if you want to talk about it feel free to PM me, i broke up with my bf a week ago & understand exactly how youre feeling.

take care x

BJC

me2gud4u wrote: »

I'm a recently turned 19 girl

Really, was the operation difficult? Ah no, sorry I couldn't help myself.
I know what you're going through and it hurts like hell. But I promise you it will get better. Time really does heal wounds.

I advise you to cut contact. I didn't and it lead to a lot of late night visits and a lot of mistakes and set backs, you can't move on if you see eachother regularly.

Take it easy and try to enjoy you'r summer.

MagicMarker

me2gud4u wrote: »

my question is will we be able to remain friends?

Short answer, no. Do you think you could handle it when he starts seeing other people?

Tbh, it sounds like you both were kinda bored. No couple breaks up because of what might happen 3 or 4 years down the line, that's rediculous and seems like an excuse you both seem to have settled on. Does your chosen username play any significant role in this perhaps?

As for why you're soo upset? I once broke up with a girl i had been with for 4 years, the relationship was just dead for a long time. I was happy we broke up, but i still cried like a baby when it happened, because she was such a HUGE part of my life for those 4 years and then all of a sudden was a part of my life no more.

Cut all ties with this guy and live your own life, it's the only way to move on. Maybe in a year or two, if not longer, you can be friends.

Wagon

me2gud4u wrote: »

my question is will we be able to remain friends?or is it better to cut all ties and see each other just when our group is out together?

Not a hope in hell. Or certainly not in the near future. You'll never get over each other in this way. You'll have to cut all contact.

MIN2511

I think you should stay away from each other first for a few months and when you think you are ready visit the "friends" thing now... For now ye being friends isn't going to work, emotions are running amok atm

RedXIV

me2gud4u wrote: »

my question is will we be able to remain friends?or is it better to cut all ties and see each other just when our group is out together?

Sorry lass but i'd recommend cutting contact, at least for a few months. There's a very good chance you'll get over him and then you can indeed become friends but trying to stay friends after a relationship ends usually results in heartache. so don't try it

forestfruits

is unlikely that you really could be friends, dont think you can go from full on relationship to just friends. its just something ppl say, they might like to think its true but its not possible, it will just cause more hassle than good, best to just drift apart and move on

ams

Take the next few months to clear your head - you WILL get over him no matter how impossible it seems now.

Seeing him is not going to help you do this so I would recommend cutting ties.

DublinWriter

me2gud4u wrote: »

my question is will we be able to remain friends?or is it better to cut all ties and see each other just when our group is out together?

I've always been of the opinion that any half-decent relationship is based on a best-friendship first and nudie-prod second.

I'm settled down now, but three of my best mates are ex's from my 20's and they are the first people I turn to for financial and emotional advice.

As you grow older you'll find that relationships are less black and white and are more like subtle shades of gray.

Just take it day-by-day and don't maintain communications with him under any hidden-agenda of an eventual reconciliation.

MJOR

DublinWriter wrote: »

I've always been of the opinion that any half-decent relationship is based on a best-friendship first and nudie-prod second.

I'm settled down now, but three of my best mates are ex's from my 20's and they are the first people I turn to for financial and emotional advice.

As you grow older you'll find that relationships are less black and white and are more like subtle shades of gray.

Just take it day-by-day and don't maintain communications with him under any hidden-agenda of an eventual reconciliation.

totally agree here... stay away for a while and clear your head.... go out and act 19 for the summer and enjoy yourself.

you will eventually be able to be friends with him but steer clear until you can see him as more of a friend and less of a lover

me2gud4u

thanks everyone for the replies and it has made me think.
Oh and my username is something i gave off the top of my head....nothing to do with me or my life!

maybe it is best i cut all contact for a while until i feel i have moved on....and god knows how long that will be. But I guess if that is the advice im being given by people who (prob!!) are older than me and have more life experience well than I should take heed. I'll stick to my girlies for now.

thanks folks xxxxxxxxxx