First kiss...what should I do?

SpiderWebtTears

Long story short...I'm going on 20, never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, never done ****. Makes me nervous around girls, and even just people in general. Naturally shy, makes it harder. Have been asked out before, several times, but not for 3, maybe even 4 years now. Always turned them down, first out of wanting to "hold out for the one" and general shyness, and then out of nervousness as I went longer without any experience. Know this all sounds lame, so I'll expect a flaming. Should I just make out with what ever girl I can get? Should I just ask the next girl I see that I think will say yes just to get that yes? Or should I hold out?

star-pants

Hey OP,

relax... you're not the only one who's been in that boat. I didn't have my first kiss til 18, and other stuff many years later than that.
Don't just go for 'any girl you can get' ... that's not good. If someone you like asks you out, and you would like to try and date, then do. Or if you meet someone you like, ask them out for a drink or bite to eat and play by ear. Everyones nervous on the first few dates so don't worry about that bit.

Don't hold out forever but don't go for someone that you're not interested in just for the sake of it.

Best of luck x

Panthro

lean in, kiss, worst comes to worst, u end up headbutting her

Feelgood

papagormo wrote: »

lean in, kiss, worst comes to worst, u end up headbutting her

+1

Then drop the hand.

Creamy Goodness

tbh if you get instructions here, and you follow them while going for the kiss you'll end up thinking too much about it and end up making a balls of it.

just go for it, if it's ****e then it's ****e, i don't think anyone is great at something their first go. take your first steps for example you were hardly a linford christie when you took those?*

*if you are linford christie i apologise.

Miss Fluff

I wouldn't necessarily hold out for "Miss Right". You're 20 and time you got over whatever it is that has been stopping you.

A few practice runs will do you no harm at all. You don't have to be besotted with her, someone you are comfortable with and not that pushed about it probably a good place to start practising. Try to avoid hurting anyone though, so don't deliberately treat someone you know is mad about you badly when it's not reciprocated.

As someone said, a few snogs and then drop the hand I reckon....practise makes perfect after all and it will boost your confidence then to go for it with someone you really like.

Unleash the beast as it were;)

Just lean in for the kiss. Start it off simple. A good thing to do is try and feel what the other person is doing.

Probably not good to try and drop the hand, though. But funny post.

wylo

hey op, if it makes you feel better you can be safe in the knowledge that kissing doesnt really require "experience" as such, so no ones going to know the difference so long as your not slobbing all over her chin and nose:D, keep the eyes closed and enjoy it. maybe look at a few youtube kissing videos or something to get you more in the mood and more confident for now.

funk-you

First off, start talking to people(girls). If they don't like you they don't like you but f/ck it, are you going to let nervousness ruin your life?

Second, if you smoke dope...don't do it before you head out anywhere. Brainfart blows. I had a couple of mates like that.

Thirdly, just put your neck on the line. You'll never get anything unless you ask for it or take it. Nothing gets handed to you.

After that it's up to you. Bombs away for your hand. Don't let things like this bother you. Life can be good if you want it to be but the opposite is also very true.

-Funk

Overheal

SpiderWebtTears wrote: »

Have been asked out before, several times, but not for 3, maybe even 4 years now. Always turned them down, first out of wanting to "hold out for the one"

A good poster once wrote:

tbh wrote:

Once upon a time, a man sat on his porch as a flood warning was beginning. His neigbor was pulling out of the driveway following the evacuation order from the community officials. The neigbor said, "Hey. Jump in. We can ride out together to avoid the flood." The man responded, "I have faith. God will save me from the impending flood."

A little while later, the water covered the street, and an SUV cut it's way through the flood. A stranger rolled down the window and said, "Hey fellow. Jump in, this flood is going to get worse." The man responded, "I have faith. God will save me from the impending flood."

As time passed, the water became high enough that the man had to move inside and look out his second floor window. A boat came by, and the man in the boat yelled out, "Jump in. This flood is going to get worse." The man responded, "I have faith. God will save me from the impending flood."

The man was forced to climb to the roof as the flood entered his second floor. A rescue helicopter whirled overhead and a voice came from a bull-horn yelling, "Grab this rope ladder. we'll save you." The man yelled back, "I have faith. God will save me from the impending flood."

The man drowned.

When he reached the pearly gates, the man said to Saint Peter, "I had faith. Why did God let me drown?" Saint Pete responded, "We sent you a car, an SUV, and boat and a helicopter. What else were we supposed to do?"

im not saying take every chance that presents itself with a pulse but keep in mind that one you're looking for might be more than skin deep.

RedXIV

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily hold out for "Miss Right". You're 20 and time you got over whatever it is that has been stopping you.

A few practice runs will do you no harm at all. You don't have to be besotted with her, someone you are comfortable with and not that pushed about it probably a good place to start practising. Try to avoid hurting anyone though, so don't deliberately treat someone you know is mad about you badly when it's not reciprocated.

As someone said, a few snogs and then drop the hand I reckon....practise makes perfect after all and it will boost your confidence then to go for it with someone you really like.

Unleash the beast as it were;)

I agree with the above, any kind of intimacy has become a huge deal for you when it's actually not and the best way to get over it is to bite the bullet.

My first kiss was horrible, as were many of my other "firsts" but thats just how lucky i was. The main thing is you keep coming back for more.

If you drink, go out and flirt your ass off on a night out with a bit of dutch courage. There is no trick to kissing, just don't slobber and don't try to touch her stomach with your tongue.

Best thing about night out girls is they don't judge, they won't start hounding you (unless you give them a number) and you get practice.

Best of luck OP

Sugar Drunk

1. Watch 'the 40 year old virgin' and 'never been kissed'
2. Stop obsessing about 'the one' or you are going to end up 50 yrs old and in the same situation you are in now!
3. Go out and practice talking to girls. If someone asks you out go for it. yes she may not turn out to be the love of your life but its all experience.

and whatever you do dont tell the girls that you have never kissed anyone

biko

www.videojug.com/film/how-to-kiss-someone-passionately

Rob_l

RedXIV wrote: »

If you drink, go out and flirt your ass off on a night out with a bit of dutch courage. There is no trick to kissing, just don't slobber and don't try to touch her stomach with your tongue.

OK OP a bit of Dutch courage can be fine, however the problem is to over do that and get rat arsed and then that will get rid of all that anxiety right?
Wrong!

First off OP stop dwelling on it dont worry about so you have never kissed a girl and your 20 let me tell you that, that boat your in is not a single seat canoe but a cruise ship full of people both male and female, I know you will read that and the logic part of your brain might kick in and say no no no thats people trying to be nice to me, wrong this is fact.

Dont hold out for the "One" OP she doesn't exist any girl could be the one and you really wont know until you can relax in yourself to such a point where you can relax around people and be yourself, not the socially retarded self that comes out when you get all nervous thats not really you, the real you is that guy who comes out when you feel good about something, when your talking about something you know and like, thats the real you. Right?

Sadly OP I cant offer you any advise thats a magic pill anyone here offering to do that is lying there is no magic fix, first step is done you know you have an issue with this.

Can I now say, I wouldn't even worry too much about the getting a kiss girlfriend thing yet, what I would do is seek to just be more socially interactive get yourself more confident around strangers, go out to town and ask strangers for directions ask people in a music store for advise on buying a film for a friend talk to random strangers until your anxiety, fear of such situations is gone in general just strive to relax and become confident in who your are.

Everything else will come as a result of your growing confidence if your not happy with who ar,e what your doing, you wont find anyone else who can be you have to begin a phase of learning to like yourself and develop those bits of you that you like.

FibbersON

I reckon go find a girl you like have a few drinks, don't get stinking drunk, leave the pub to walk her home/ or to a nightclub. Hold her hand on the way, just chatting and after a while just turn her to face you and go for the kiss.

Drift

Hey OP, I was 23 when I first kissed a girl so I know exactly how you feel. It's amazing how big a deal it is in your own head when it hasn't happened. Although it's both fun and enjoyable you'll find that it's not exactly a life-altering experience. You'll be the same person after kissing a girl as you were before it.

Kissing someone isn't that big a deal, like everyone else says the first time may be good or it may be bad so don't expect fireworks (in your pants or anywhere else ). It's not particularly difficult go get a random kiss if thats what you're looking for to get the ball rolling. Just go out and have fun, talk ****e to everyone. Key point is don't be trying to please every girl you meet and make her like you - this will backfire. Be yourself and chat with them like one of the lads (who cares if she gets insulted!). You'll be beating them off with a stick in no time.

Don't be too worried even if you are shy - there's plenty of girls out there who will move in for the kiss on you so you don't necessarily have to be the first one leaning your head in. But when she does make sure you spot it and go for it. Then just follow her lead.

Edit: I fail to see how anyone can think 40 year old virgin has a bearing on real life. It's a mildly amusing film but like most other television shows and films it portrays sex as more important part of life than it actually is for most people.

SpiderWebtTears

Thanks everyone!
It's nice to know I'm not outright thought of as a total freak!
Still undecided whether I just try to get it over with, or wait for someone who I really like and who really likes me, but I think that before I make that decision I need to get over the shyness and nervousness...easier said than done of course!!!

LegacyUser

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

If someone asks you out go for it. yes she may not turn out to be the love of your life but its all experience.

Agree. I'm a girl in my 20s, in similar situation to the OP in that I've always been holding out for "the one". Was recently sheltering from the rain somewhere and this guy started chatting to me....he asked me out that night and we've been seeing each other now for a month. I doubt very much he is the love of the life, and am pretty sure he feels similarly about me, but I'm enjoying myself, so.....I'm just going with the flow.

LegacyUser

Find any girl that's 'up 4 it' !!! Then, just get 'stuck in' there !!!