I need it!!!

LegacyUser

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly 3years and or relationship is great except 1 thing, or sex life is terrible! We are both young and i have very high sex levels (naturally enough) but i am lucky to get it once a week. its become less and less frequent and no matter how much i talk about it nothing changes, even tho she promises it will.
When we have sex it is brilliant, we both satisfy each other and its great chemistry but if i try for seconds she shuns away. She tells me she loves me forever and wants to marry me but this is driving me crazy. I find myself looking at girls more and more and am considering other options now. Oh and before ye ask, i have tried to spice it up in every way with breaks away, toys etc but nothing is working

dudara

How have you raised the subject with her? You might be raising it in a manner she finds uncomfortable.

However, having said that, you both need to be on the same page in your relationship.

LegacyUser

have talked to her as nicely as possible, tho others i have got very angry. How can i change it? im running into dead ends

MagicMarker

What does she have to say for herself on the matter?

Unfortunately, it is possible she just doesn't have a high sex drive.

Miss Fluff

dudara wrote: »

How have you raised the subject with her? You might be raising it in a manner she finds uncomfortable.

Agreed. You say you are lucky if you get it once a week. You may have different sex drives and if that's the case you need to come to some kind of comprimise and discussing it is the only way to establish how often you both want it.

By the same token be careful how you are approaching it too OP. You don't want her feeling under pressure to have sex with you, all passion goes out the window if that's the case. By the same token the more you get the more you crave. Perhaps she is stressed with work or overly tired etc? Can you maybe think about booking a week away? A week of going at it like rabbits should get you back on an even keel;)

LegacyUser

as i said i have tried talking to her and try not 2 pressure her but doesn't seem to get thru to her. Have booked weekends away but twice in the 3days is hardly rabbits!
She has just fin col and has 2 holidays booked (1 paid by me, other by her family), she not working 4 the summer so no stress or tiredness there

Kazobel

It always amazes me how many guys assume that they have a "high sex drive", maybe once a session is enough for her? if you really loved her should it not be based on more than sex? sex twice in 3 days is pretty average (or in some cases above average) for a 3 year relationship. Is it sex because you want it or sex because you want to be able to brag about it and say you're hitting that bootie every day? have you even considered asking her what's wrong? if she doesn't want sex there must be a reason, have you considered something about you might be it?

Overheal

try seducing her a bit no? instead of hey get in here i need a shag, maybe a little more tact could be implemented

LegacyUser

HighLevels wrote: »

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly 3years and or relationship is great except 1 thing, or sex life is terrible! We are both young and i have very high sex levels (naturally enough) but i am lucky to get it once a week. its become less and less frequent and no matter how much i talk about it nothing changes, even tho she promises it will.
When we have sex it is brilliant, we both satisfy each other and its great chemistry but if i try for seconds she shuns away. She tells me she loves me forever and wants to marry me but this is driving me crazy. I find myself looking at girls more and more and am considering other options now. Oh and before ye ask, i have tried to spice it up in every way with breaks away, toys etc but nothing is working

I think that she's not feeling the sexual chemistry. She likes you, loves you as a friend, but basically at the heart of it she doesn't really want to have sex with you.
- She avoids sex
- When she does have sex with you she avoids seconds
- She tells you she wants more, but her actions say she doesn't.

If you fancy the arse off someone, you want to have sex with them all the time, if you don't then you avoid it, like she's doing.

Girls hormones mean that at certain times of the month it's easier to block out the fact that you're not 100% into the person you're having sex with and let go. That's probably the times you're having great sex.

She has a high sex drive, just not with you.

Wibbs

random name wrote: »

She has a high sex drive, just not with you.

The psychics are out and about today. :rolleyes: How do you know that? Answer? You don't.

Yes a woman going off sex can be a big warning sign that she's just not that into the guy and the chemistry is waning. One of the biggest indeed. If the relationship is good in other ways and you're not fighting and when you do those fights are resolved and I mean resolved. Bloke FYI; resolved doesn't just mean she's stopped freaking about what ails her.

If the relationship is otherwise ok, then t could simply be that she may be under stress, she's not getting the romance she wants or she may simply have a default lower sex drive than you. At the start of any relationship, the so called honeymoon period, people tend to go at it like rabbits. When that moves to the next level of the relationship, frequency of sex usually goes down. That's when peoples default sex drive kicks in and imbalances may come out.

You're with each other 3 years. I would say anywhere between a year and 3 is the honeymoon period. The transition to the next phase is where 90% of rlationships go south IMHO. It's the precarious phase. You're in that now. She may be re evaluatin you as a longer term thing, or she could be just going back to her default sex drive level.

This is where random name's theory looks like it makes sense. If the op's girlfriend met someone tomorrow they would be at it like rabbits. Fast forward a couple of years and that relationship might have the same issue if their libido's were imbalanced.

OP only you and her know what's what. You both need to talk and I mean talk about where this is going and not just the sex.

craichoe

If you fancy the arse off someone, you want to have sex with them all the time, if you don't then you avoid it, like she's doing.

What age are you....

Girls hormones mean that at certain times of the month it's easier to block out the fact that you're not 100% into the person you're having sex with and let go. That's probably the times you're having great sex.

Hormones my hole....

If you just fancy the arse off someone then you fancy the arse off them, if your relationship is built purely off the physical and you stop.. fancying the arse off them, then you have a problem. If you love them for the complete individual then its a bit more complicated, you can go through peaks and troughs ... other stresses in life, family, friends, work can affect your sex life.

i.e. you could be very 'up for it' being male, but not be able to reciprocate properly once you reach the finish line.

Anyways OP, putting too much enphasis on the sex is only going to cause more problems. I don't have enough information to assume anything. I would say though, try simple things... rather than go for the rampant rabbit, how about cooking her dinner, bottle of champagne, a massage with some nice oils . Make her feel special .. and the rest will come

LegacyUser

I'm 25 and female.

I was going out with someone and we got on wonderfully, lots in common all happy out, except for at the heart of the matter was the fact that I simply didn't fancy him.

So I'd avoid sex, I even avoided kissing him alot of the time. Cuddling, holding hands etc. were all fine but anything more boyfriend girlfriend than that and I'd try to dodge it most of the time. When my hormones would get to me and I'd be able to let go enough and ignore the fact that I didn't fancy him, and just have sex, and it would be good sex too, but afterwards I'd feel horrible. It wasn't his fault, I just did not fancy the guy, there was zero sexual chemistry.

All the rampant rabbits, nice oils, massages etc. in the world wouldn't have solved that problem and from my ex's point of view, it would have looked exactly like what the OP described.

LegacyUser

It might sound crude, but whats wrong with pleasing yourself in between sex with your girlfriend? presumably you wouldnt want to be doing it with her knowing shes only giving in to keep you quiet and not for mutual enjoyment.