Help with an Arachnophobic missus

DublinWriter

It's a bit of a compound problem, so hopefully I won't cause any offense if I post this in PI as I can't really find any more appropriate forum to post this in.

The missus has always been Arachnophobic, and is becoming even more so.

I've two basic questions:

a) if you are/were arachnophobic, have any techniques you've undergone helped you overcome your fear? A few friends of ours have mentioned hypnotherapy, but I'd be more inclined to go down the NLP route.

b) Washing lines! This is causing herself a major problem right now. Is there anything I could use to treat a telescopic washing line with to prevent spiders wanting to even come near?

Again, thanks for any ideas/help you might have. This may seem like a trivial problem to some, but I guess like all phobias, they're completely subjective.

star-pants

Hi Dublin Writer -- you may also find info here in the phobias forum.

I don't like spiders, I'll freak out if there's one on me or too close. I don't know of anything that would make me less scared but if they're small / daddy long legs I can usually kill them myself out of having to.

I have a friend who will cry a lot if you come near her with spiders, so I know what it's like to have a true arachnophob around.
edit - sorry you said you didn't like hypnotherapy...
hmm, unless you try and get her to be in a room with a spider (in a case) maybe, you know, slowly get her used to seeing one and being ok (not panicking) but I'm not sure how well that would work.

I don't think you can get spiders to stay away from clothes lines - I can't stand spiders so I usually bat them off with pegs or something.

echosound

This might not work with the retractable washing line, but I find Raid (strong cockroach/wasp spray) is brilliant. We've lived in houses that had MONSTER spiders, and Raid is brilliant for keeping them at bay. We used to have a problem with hoardes of the buggers setting up their horrible webby nests under the eaves of the house, so stood on a ladder, sprayed Raid liberally all over the windowledge/eaves where they were - double whammy of killing them (OK cruel I know but until they want to contribute to the rent they can feck off) and also seems to leave a residue that deters them from coming back for a month or so.

The only other simplistic thing that I can suggest (as a former bad arachnophobe, and a current "not a fan of spiders but not quite turning into a quivering mess") is to grit your teeth and work yourself up to deal with the tiny ones first (ie getting rid of the teeny tiny ones that are but specks they are so small) and then work your way up to getting rid of the slightly bigger ones. Don't get me wrong, I'll still yelp and squirm if a big fat monster runs anywhere near me, but it's turned from abject fear and total loss of all function to a steely determination to grab the nearest implement to remove the offender.

I guess living in a house with monsters has made me face my fear and realise that I can either squeal and run away and hide or do my best to get rid of the offenders. To give you an idea of the extent of the infestation - I'd come downstairs barefoot at night for a glass of water, then when I'd get up the next day there'd be mushed spiders on the stairs or in the hall where I'd stood on them - barefoot - accidentally while half asleep. eeeeeuw! They were so big the cat - who has no problems likking mice/birds etc - would run away from them if they scuttled along the floor. Once you get over the first hurdle of removing/killing a big 'un, the littler ones don't seem as awful.

Not sure if it would be as simple as that for your wife, but TBH, if there's someone there to remove the spiders for her (ie you) she will never learn to handle them herself. I know this sounds harsh, but trust me, if she realises she has to get rid of a spider herself, the fear will lessen with each successful removal. In my case, it was having a husband that's more repulsed by spiders than I am that made me face my own fear, ie no-one there but me to remove the offenders.


Try the raid for now, see if it does anything. If it's the actual clothes the spiders are lodging in, get a stick of sorts to prod the clothes before handling them to take them off the line to shake out the little buggers. Might give your wife some sense of empowerment to know she won't suddenly have a spider tearing up her arm if she goes for the clothes.

Tupins

Hi Dublin Writer,

Your poor wife - I know exactly how she feels and it's just horrible. I was unbelievably frightened of spiders to the extent that when I saw one in my house I would have difficulty breathing, my heart would be pounding, I would break out in a cold sweat and would feel that everything was going black - ie I would faint (although I never did). Now mine was an extreme case and I know that some people may think I am exaggerating but believe me I'm not.

I had very successful hypnotherapy which included NLP. I think that most hypnotherapists nowadays widely practice NLP as part of the therapy. Hynotism in itself is merely putting a person in a relaxed and suggestible state, the therapy itself can take the form of NLP or suggestion. Any reliable hypnotherapist would be happy to explain to you exactly what's involved in the therapy so my suggestion would be to make a few phone calls to find someone you are happy with.

After my treatment I was amazed how I'd let myself go for so long without treating my phobia. The therapy was a very simple and pleasant experience. Nowadays I can remove spiders with a glass/paper or whatever as opposed to feeling like I'm going to black out!

Curing the phobia will in turn remove the need for washing line issues as she hopefully won't even be bothered by it anymore!

Above all please be supportive of her and don't try to dismiss her fears and in my own opinion, I wouldn't reccommend exposing her on purpose to spiders in the hope she will somehow get over it. I honestly don't think this is a good idea, in fact I would have found it extremely traumatic and it could also raise some trust issues between you.

Good luck :-)