Low Libido

LegacyUser

looking for some advice.

With my partner for several years. brilliant relationship. both in our 30's,no kids.

he has no lidido and i could count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex in the last year. he doesn't have any problems like staying hard, rather he just has zero interest in it.

i've brought it up several times.The first few times, we didn't get anywherre as he felt i was rubbing his face in it etc so i pulled back and said nothing, hoping that by putting no pressure on him that he'd come around. but after a few months it still hadn't changed. then tried again and he said it had happened previously with other girls but never lasted this long.

i've tried everything. i've tried talking about it, not talking about it, dressing sexy, making lots of time for us togther, encouraging to go out with his mates more etc but nothing makes a differance. we've tried other stuff or should i say i do stuff for him which is fine. but he doesn't reciprocate. i am now extremely frustrated about the whole thing.

he says he loves me and fancies the ass off me but just isn't interested in sex right now and that he's very sorry but that there's nothing he can do.

the last time he initiated things, i actually felt wierd as it had been so long.
he has been stressed but says this is not the issue really.

so i'm really looking for some advice on how to handle this from other girls who have been through the same thing.

Nevyn

Has he spoken to his dr about it ?

LegacyUser

no, and he won't go either. have already asked him and he says it'll work itself out in time as it always does.

melon_collie

Do you mind me asking if you have been together long? When you first started having sex together was it the same deal?

LegacyUser

been together 3 years and engaged 1. no wasn't like this up until about a year ago.

Nevyn

So you got enguaged a year ago.
Over the last year his labido has gone and he does not feel the need to have sex with you.

So a year ago you made the commitment to marry and not have sex with anyone else but each other and he seems to have gone of sex ?

MJOR

whattodo2008 wrote: »

been together 3 years and engaged 1. no wasn't like this up until about a year ago.

sometimes libido is like that, have you tried toys? maybe him watching you will put him in the mood? (God i sound like a rep for Ann Summers)

:eek::eek::eek:

try it though... maybe a bit of porn or something? he might just be stresses out and may need to see his doc?

MJOR

MJOR wrote: »

sometimes libido is like that, have you tried toys? maybe him watching you will put him in the mood? (God i sound like a rep for Ann Summers)

:eek::eek::eek:

try it though... maybe a bit of porn or something? he might just be stresses out and may need to see his doc?

sorry to be the devils adocate but is it possible he is playing away??

allabouteve

When you say you do stuff for him, do you mean that he'll willingly play along if your 'working' as it were on him, but won't reciprocate?

AckwelFoley

Is he on any medication like anti depressants..

some can cause that.. they did for me.. wouldnt look at halle berry sideways if she was naked beside me..

I changed meds (thank god).. alls good in the wood

BraziliaNZ

It happens to a lot of men. Happened with my last girlfriend, I mean I loved her and she was really gorgeous but just kind of lost interest in regular sex with her after a while. You can just lose the attraction sometimes, when it's on a plate in front of you every day it just doesn't seem so appealing. And you know you'll be with this woman for a long time so for me that was almost a turn off, as if you're thinking "this is the only woman i'll ever ever have sex with and it's not even fun anymore, it's a chore". She got frustrated obviously. I suppose we never really spoke about the subject and I'm kind of shy when it comes to talking about sex with partners, maybe that's the problem. I don't have a solution, we ended up breaking up in the end anyway, but I'll follow this thread to see what others say. I don't think "toys" are the answer, it's more complex than that.

LegacyUser

ok to respond to some questions.
1.) he's extremely affectionate otherwise. constantly hugging and kissing and telling me how much he loves me.
2.) 100% not playing away.
3.) medication yes for the first 6 months but not antidepressants or anything.
4.) toys and porn were regular part of sex life.

he says it's nothing to do with me at all, that it sometimes happens to guys.

Wibbs

It maybe just his natural background level of libido, (though the level is low by your description).

What I mean is that at first or for the first few years even the sexual energy is high, but drops as the couple settles in together. That's natural enough and fine if they both end up at near enough the same level. If not then you may have problems(Funny enough, I've heard this complaint more from women about the men in their lives than I heard from men). I've known guys to confide that they would be happy with once a month or even less, but would never admit that in public.

If it's not that then is he under stress at work or anywhere else? That could be a reason. Some get hornier as an escape from stress, others have the opposite reaction.

It could also be a hormonal, physical problem possibly? I've read that some men even as early as their 30's suffer a drop in testosterone so it's a possibliity.

The worry I wuld have is not the lack of sex per se, it's the lack of willingness on his part to discuss it and pawn you off with, it just happens to some men. Now I can understand his reluctance, but you both need to tease this out as it's unlikely to get better on it's own.

LegacyUser

i think stress is a large part of it, but he doesn't think so.
he doesn't pawn me off per se. It's more that he takes it personally against his manhood when i broach the subject if you know what i mean.

it could be his natural libido I guess... but he has recognised it as an issue so perhaps not...