Help

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This will probably be a long post. Basically yesterday I looked in my boyfriends emails, I don't really know why I did, maybe subconsciously I thought he had been acting strange. In his emails he had been mailing someone off a dating website. It was a gay couple he was mailing (two guys) and in the emails there was a load of graphic stuff about his fantasies and what he was going to do when he met up with them. I knew he was bisexual when we met.
I'm in bits, been crying all night, can't go to work I'm in such a state. When he got home yesterday and I confronted him he said he wouldn't have gone through with it, and would not have met them. Although now I just can't believe a word he says. We're together five years and have never had any issues with one of us being unfaithful. He begged me not to break up with him but I don't think we can move on from here tbh.
I'm devestated, I love him so much, we own a house together and have been through a lot. He's always been there for me and has treated me really well. I guess I'm in shock that he could betray me like this. I don't know what to do my heads a mess. We used to have threesomes at one stage, maybe the lines have all been blurred now.
Any advice appreciated, I can't talk to anyone about this obviously......

LegacyUser

First of all, you need to find out why he has been doing this. Is he looking for attention? Is he bored? If he loves you as much as you think he does then he will be totally honest with you. IMO you shouldn't have been having threesomes in the first place. That hasn't helped matters and as a result has maybe made him think that it's ok to do this kind of thing. Bi-sexual or not he needs to commit to you solely, and if he thinks for one moment that he is unable to do this then I'm afraid you may both have to go your separate ways. I hope this helps

RedXIV

Ok lass,

Reading through this post was very much like listening to two people arguing, which is odd considering i'm assuming there's only one of you. On one hand, you say you had 5 years of history, you love him so much, and you've been through alot together, and on the other you say your in shock at his betrayal, you don't think you can move forward and similar. Your obviously still hugely confused and due to the intial shock, your emotions are still everywhere. you need to calm down and think about this logically and that may require a bit of time on your own. Once you can do that it's a simple case of a judgement call, do you think you can survive a relationship where your trust has been broken? that doesn't mean it's going to happen again but the fact it happened once will probably haunt you for a while

Best of luck lass

Red

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the replies, I am still in shock. I'm just devestated that he could have been emailing these people then talking to me as if everything was ok. What was he going to do, go meet them for sex then get back into my bed? Feel absolutely sick at the thoughts of it.
Just don't think I can recover from this, it's so hard cos we had a life planned together and everything has been great with us up until now. Now I have to start thinking about selling our house and telling our families etc that we've broken up, what a mess. I don't feel like i have the strength for this.