Does counselling work?

LegacyUser

Hi guys

I'm hoping you can help. Basically I am feeling unhappy with my life at the moment. I have some issues that I need to deal with regarding my childhood and upbringing that I think are affecting me in a negative way. I have buried my head in the sand about them for a long time, trying to ignore them and pretend that everythings fine and I am not affected by my past.
Lately though I feel I need to do something about it and address my problems as I feel its causing problems within my relationship with my partner. And also in my general day to day life I don't feel happy anymore. I guess I've probably always felt like this but as I said, its getting to the stage where I can't ignore my feelings anymore and I think I need help.

Counselling has been suggested to me in the past but I am not great at discussing my feelings, especially with a stranger, I think I would find it awkard and embarrassing.
What way does a counselling session go? - do you just spill your guts out and they listen or what happens?
I just would like some reassurance from anybody who has went to a counsellor with similar problems.
I have heard people say that its the best thing they ever did and that it helped them so much. Any helpful advice and opinons welcome.

Thanks so much for reading my post.

ash xxx

I've been going to a psychiatrist now for the last few months. Like you, I was never good at just taking to a stranger, i think it was a trust thing and a lot to do with feeling like I was weak for needing it. But I did need it as had gotten very down and generally unhappy with how my life was going. I feel that it is working for me. A session for me is usually 45 mins to 1 hour and she asks me questions about how im feeling and what i think is causing it. She always gives me some thing to think about for the next session.
OP, you have nothing to lose by talking to someone, I ignored how I was feeling for too long and I urge you no to make the same mistake.
Best of luck xxx

Wurly

Hi unhappy girl,

As a person who went through counselling for 1.5 - 2 years, I can say that yes it definitely does. A good counsellor on your first meeting will briefly ascertain your reasons for being unhappy and work from there.

They will not try to push things that you are not ready to talk about. But they will try to delve deeper in order to work through the problems you are having. However if they sense they have dug too deep, they will stop.

And basically it goes like that. I thought I wouldnt know what to say when I went to counselling or that I wouldnt be able to articulate myself etc etc. Its hard to explain but I rarely felt like that when I went to my sessions.

Over time, you build up trust and a rapport with your counsellor and that makes it so much easier then.

Best of luck. Its really is the best thing that you can do for yourself. You deserve happiness and if you need counselling, then this is a great way to start.

Make the phonecall... First step starts there....

Please PM me if you ever need a chat.

Tri.x

WindSock

It's always good to talk to someone, but not if you get addicted to it and depend on it to live and make all your descisions by it.

Overheal

if you go to a counsellor; before you walk in the door just be ready to get over the hump; which is getting comfortable talking to this person. It'll feel awkward at first but if you just go for it, by the end of the first hour it will be over and done with.

Counsellors are good; they can really speed up the brooding/need to get things off your chest bits.

amacachi

Yes it does work.
For the first month or so I thought it was no different to usual, then i realised that whenever I felt really **** I would actually think differently and think how I was told to, and should think. Eventually, even though it doesn't feel like it's doing anything, you'll realise that you are handling all "these" thoughts differently to how you used to.

econ08

I think counselling can be helpful after a beareavement, break up of a relationship or if there are specific tramatic events in your childhood that you want to come to terms with. If there is a history of depression or manic-depression in your family, and you experience low mood without any precepitating factor then counselling is unlikely to be of benefit.

There are a lot of charlatans out there so be careful. Personally I would recommend you see a clinical psychologist as they have the most training and education. If you live in Dublin you can go here: www.clanwilliaminstitute.ie .

When you say you are unhappy do you think its just normal unhappiness or something deeper? Are you tired all the time? Is your sleep interupted? Are you able to enjoy your passtimes? Is your mind going over the same thoughts again and again? Have you any thoughts of suicide?

MysticalSoul

Counselling can be of benefit. It is challenging, yes, but as another poster has said, a counsellor, will insofar as possible, try not to push you beyond your limits. The first session is generally a just getting to know you meeting, and to discuss what your goals or expectations may be. Contact the IACP if you are looking for a reputable counsellor www.irish-counselling.ie, or the IAHIP is another reputable organisation. They will be able to give you names and numbers of therapists in your area.

Bear in mind, that things won't improve immediately. It does take time and commitment, but I know from my own experience of counselling, it was a life saver for me.

shoegirl

Counselling may be useful for you, just make sure you go to an accredited counsellor who is registered with the IACP or similar professional organisation before you part with any cash.

Loopy

I think it works.

I have had it, along with my partner and it has benefited us both a great deal. I loved the luxury of sitting talking to someone (who dosen't interrupt) and just offloading about whatever you want.

You basically, introduce yourself and she will gently ask why you are there etc.

You can talk about whatever you want and gradually lead up to the real issues - there is no pressure to spill the beans as soon as you walk in the door.

I don't know of anyone who has come away from a Counsellor and regretted going.

Good luck..

Dimitri

Personally i've had a very positive experience of counselling, i was having difficulty dealing with being bullied throughout school and had never really spoken about it in a frank and honest manner as a result i was going through moods of depression and i was very quick to respond in anger to fairly innocous situations. Also i found it very difficult to achieve my potential as i felt i didn't deserve it. As pressure in college and from other things increased i found that my moods were getting worse and worse. It took a while for me to get comfortable talking to my counsellor but after a while it became quite rewarding to do so. It is extremely hard and can be very daunting to take that first step, but once you do you'll already have taken a definatite step forward. It is important to find a reputable counsellor, if your in third level most universities and colleges offer a counselling srvice. The one in ucc is free to use and they are in tune with the added pressure of college, from my own experience i've found that any extra pressure made my moods considerably worse having the option of going to counselling really helped me. Best of luck with the future i really hope things work out for you.

oil painting

i found it great... i went to a few free councellors though at first-the ones that are government funded and i didnt think they were that good... i eventually paid to see a professional- a psychotherapist has a really good aproach and i really felt comfortable with her style-i had seen 5 previous-including college councellors,etc and didnt find them half as good....

also i found it was good to ask the therapist if she had experience with childhood trauma,because that was my main reason for going too- someone who has anorixia would go to bodywise because they are trained in that area so it makes sense to find one with experience in your own area...

the place i went to was http://www.arduna.ie/ its in clontarf... and cost me 65 per week....

what i found great about it was that when i was an emotional wreak i would be crying on everyones shoulder,in the pub or the like... doing the therapy once a week helped me release alot so i didnt need to offload on my friends....but i did have the support of my boyfriend and that was really helpful because you can feel quite raw some days... its good to really rest after it as it can be draining sometimes....and the next day you feel tires aswel... so try take it really easy....

this is the biggest gift you will ever give yourself... going will instantly help you to feel like you are not repressing your past anymore and that is an achievement in itself...the more you get out the more you will feel free,and you go at your own pace......

also ask the therapist for any books she can recommend or go into easons self help section and pick one you are drawn to,its really good to have the support along the way... my therapist suggested a book called 'toxic parents'-it was really good and relevant to me with family examples i could really relate to-i looked a bit funny on the train reading it though!

Wurly

Toxic parents is a brilliant book. I still have it to hand when im made feel like a fruit loop by o'l ma and pa!:D

Yeah, I pretty much read it from inside my bag on public transport. ha ha

oil painting

aw so glad others have found it good... it really helps you see your reality and believe in yourself.... the 'toxic parents' is written quite big on the front of the book... but i used to be bet into it on the train....ha ha

the examples of others peoples abuse helped me get in touch with my anger for them and subsequently for me.....


here it is if anyone wants to see what it looks like and have a read of it...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0553284347/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

LegacyUser

Thanks so much to everybody for their input and kind words.

My problems I feel, come down to one specific instant in my childhood that was ongoing throughout my teenage years. I don't want to give too much detail but basically the roles were reversed between my parents and me, I became the carer. Although I have a good relationship with one of them now,its still not a traditional or normail parent/daughter relationship but its not too bad.

I do feel there is a lot of underlying anger in me towards them both for not allowing me to have a childhood among other things. Also their relationship with each other wasn't a good one and I bear the scars now because of things I witnessed that as a child I never should have seen - violence, shouting and arguing etc. Put it this way, I went through a hell of alot in my childhood and teenage years that I wish I could just forget.

I have a relatively good life now - cos I have worked hard for it. I was determined to make something of myself. I have a good job and education - but everything I had is against the odds that were stacked against me. I'm not throwing praise at myself here but it is the one thing I am proud of myself for. Like many people I did not have an easy start in life and I had so many obstacles in my way to get where I am today.

My own relationship is a very loving one - I am very lucky in that sense and I could not ask for a better partner but as I said before I feel my past is having negative effect on that too. I don't want to ruin things for us too. I can't even fully discuss what happenend in my childhood with him - even though we have a great relationship and he is a person I would trust with my life. So you would see why I have problems going to a counsellor!.
As silly as it sounds, My whole problem is that I don't want anyone seeing me as a "victim" or pitying me I suppose. I am too proud and I guess I feel I am a strong person.

Sorry I know the above is a bit of a rambling, apologies. I am basically thinking as I type and I don't know if its coming across so well.

Anyway I just wanted to thank you all for your posts, i am grateful for your input and also to know that I am not alone in what I am feeling. I will think about making that appointment very soon!

Loopy

Thanks Oil Painting, it looks great - I just bought it..

oil painting

hi again... OP well done for letting it all up and to be even thinking about going,i think there comes a time in life where people are ready to go to therapy and it looks like you are ready...you could try getting the toxic parents book and reading it so you dont havre to talk to anyone but start taking the world of therapy in.... im very similar to you-had an awful child hood-was left on my own at 18 had failed my leaving and got myself educated with a degree....and i also have a really good boyfriend-he had issues too so we both went to therapy,and healed together......initially he was soooo shy about it but i brought him into my therapy for 6 sessions and then he went on his own,he stayed on for 2 years and then after years of not getting on with his dad,my BF encouraged him to go to therapy with him and they both sorted loads of stuff out and they have a good relationship now....it was really great because they hadnt spoken in years and his dad had had a life threatening operation and wasnt given a huge amount of years left....so the work you do in therapy will have huge life changing effects later on,another big reason for me wanting to do it in my 20s was that i didnt want to pass on any toxic behaviour to my kids-i dont have any as yet but i was really worried i would be abusive to my kids and lash out with anger and be emotionally needy toward them,ther is a saying that...what you dont hand back you pass on,alot of people fear turning into their parents-eek... xxxx

MJOR

Unhappygirl wrote: »

Thanks so much to everybody for their input and kind words.

My problems I feel, come down to one specific instant in my childhood that was ongoing throughout my teenage years. I don't want to give too much detail but basically the roles were reversed between my parents and me, I became the carer. Although I have a good relationship with one of them now,its still not a traditional or normail parent/daughter relationship but its not too bad.

I do feel there is a lot of underlying anger in me towards them both for not allowing me to have a childhood among other things. Also their relationship with each other wasn't a good one and I bear the scars now because of things I witnessed that as a child I never should have seen - violence, shouting and arguing etc. Put it this way, I went through a hell of alot in my childhood and teenage years that I wish I could just forget.

I have a relatively good life now - cos I have worked hard for it. I was determined to make something of myself. I have a good job and education - but everything I had is against the odds that were stacked against me. I'm not throwing praise at myself here but it is the one thing I am proud of myself for. Like many people I did not have an easy start in life and I had so many obstacles in my way to get where I am today.

My own relationship is a very loving one - I am very lucky in that sense and I could not ask for a better partner but as I said before I feel my past is having negative effect on that too. I don't want to ruin things for us too. I can't even fully discuss what happenend in my childhood with him - even though we have a great relationship and he is a person I would trust with my life. So you would see why I have problems going to a counsellor!.
As silly as it sounds, My whole problem is that I don't want anyone seeing me as a "victim" or pitying me I suppose. I am too proud and I guess I feel I am a strong person.

Sorry I know the above is a bit of a rambling, apologies. I am basically thinking as I type and I don't know if its coming across so well.

Anyway I just wanted to thank you all for your posts, i am grateful for your input and also to know that I am not alone in what I am feeling. I will think about making that appointment very soon!

Right.... Counselling i believe is a very positive experierce i understand totally where you're coming from i had the same type of exp and felt my siblings just watched on (am youngest by 11 yrs of 6 kids) while i took it all on board.

I won't tell you my life story but i think you might find our situations are similar.

I too see myself as a strong positive woman and i talked it through with my friend.(she recommended counselling but i couldn't bring myself to do it) I read a book recently called the secret by rhonda byrne it was great....


i feel totally great without it but maybe it might be worth a session or two... beware of the "internet degree type" get ur doc to recommend one.

LegacyUser

oil painting wrote: »

hi again... OP well done for letting it all up and to be even thinking about going,i think there comes a time in life where people are ready to go to therapy and it looks like you are ready...you could try getting the toxic parents book and reading it so you dont havre to talk to anyone but start taking the world of therapy in.... im very similar to you-had an awful child hood-was left on my own at 18 had failed my leaving and got myself educated with a degree....and i also have a really good boyfriend-he had issues too so we both went to therapy,and healed together......initially he was soooo shy about it but i brought him into my therapy for 6 sessions and then he went on his own,he stayed on for 2 years and then after years of not getting on with his dad,my BF encouraged him to go to therapy with him and they both sorted loads of stuff out and they have a good relationship now....it was really great because they hadnt spoken in years and his dad had had a life threatening operation and wasnt given a huge amount of years left....so the work you do in therapy will have huge life changing effects later on,another big reason for me wanting to do it in my 20s was that i didnt want to pass on any toxic behaviour to my kids-i dont have any as yet but i was really worried i would be abusive to my kids and lash out with anger and be emotionally needy toward them,ther is a saying that...what you dont hand back you pass on,alot of people fear turning into their parents-eek... xxxx

Thats a lovely heartwarming story oilpainting, I'm so happy that things worked out for you and also your boyfriend and his father. Thats just the sort of story I was hoping to hear to reassure me that it does actually work.
And its so true what you said about having children, I have had those thoughts before. I even remember asking god when I was a child not to let me have children if I ever made them feel how I was made to feel - I kind of smile when I think about it now but its true. Funny thing is that i think I would be the opposite as to how I treat my children, think I would be so protective of them because of what I went through. But I am nowhere near ready to be responsible for someone elses life until I have sorted my own!.
I will get that book you mentioned. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my post, I really appreciate it.
MJOR, thanks a mill for the advice also. I will check that book out. I don't know if it would be for me to be honest but I will have a look, many thanks

Talliesin

Unhappygirl wrote: »

I have heard people say that its the best thing they ever did and that it helped them so much.

Sounds like the answer to your question there.

I would say that a tricky thing is finding a balance between making sure you have a counsellor that's right for you, but not telling yourself someone isn't right for you as part of resistance to realising something you're running away from.

oil painting

Unhappygirl wrote: »

Thats a lovely heartwarming story oilpainting, I'm so happy that things worked out for you and also your boyfriend and his father. Thats just the sort of story I was hoping to hear to reassure me that it does actually work.
And its so true what you said about having children, I have had those thoughts before. I even remember asking god when I was a child not to let me have children if I ever made them feel how I was made to feel - I kind of smile when I think about it now but its true. Funny thing is that i think I would be the opposite as to how I treat my children, think I would be so protective of them because of what I went through. But I am nowhere near ready to be responsible for someone elses life until I have sorted my own!.
I will get that book you mentioned. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my post, I really appreciate it.
MJOR, thanks a mill for the advice also. I will check that book out. I don't know if it would be for me to be honest but I will have a look, many thanks

thanks unhappy girl... it has been a journey alright,im just seeing that when one person went to get help that had an impact on others to follow-me,then my boyfriend,then his dad (and his dad was in his 60s)and after that my BFs brother was in a very bad sucidal depression,no one around him knew what to do about it,and got very frustrated with him,he would lock himself in his room and not eat.... But my Bf was able to get him some help because he had been through the therapy... he was givein some great advice by a councellor where they had a local support centre for depression,my Bf went down to his brother and told him you have to get in to the car or im going to carry you in... they took him to the centre and had him assessed,his brother then began a road to healing and because the doctor had told him he wasnt skitzo the brother started to come back to earth -he had really feared he had gone mad -so was actually starting to... a year later and he attended the centre every day and is now talking again and laughing and really back in the land of the living....if my Bf hadnt have taken action his bro would have gone to an even darker place....and My BF would never had known what to if he had never done some work on himself and been in therapy....

sometimes when one person has the courage to step up,others will follow..... xxx