Funerals

AckwelFoley

A very close fsamily friend died yesterday morning.

As a ckid between 3 and 12 i spent alot of time in their house and they were like grand parents to me. The family were close to us.

The father of the fsmily died of a heart attack after being in a nursing home following a stroke a few weeks ago at the age of 83.

His wife is understandably distraught. I called up to the house and stayed chatting with her. It really makes me sad to see a spouse die like that after all the time spent together...

Whats better.. to call into her and chat more often so shes not alone.. or leave her and let her mourn alone?

Sherifu

I'd call at least once or twice anyway. See how it goes from there.

It's different for everyone.

Caoimhín

Yep, play it by ear. Id go with calling a bit more often.

Rosita

You can't go wrong with calling a more often. She'll have many an hour alone to mourn. A bit of good company will be appreciated.

KnifeWRENCH

I would definitely call more often, especially if there's no-one else living with her.
As Rosita said, she would appreciate the company.

Ruu_Old

I'm sure she will enjoy the company, at least someone else to keep her mind on other things. Go a bit more often.

bronte

Call an few times and see how she reacts.
I'm guessing she'll enjoy having someone there , you'll know soon enough how welcome you are!

RobertFoster

Call in more often, especially after the funeral. When someone dies, the people left behind are visited upon by so many people in the few days before the funeral, and then it falls flat after that. Can be a very lonely time.

AckwelFoley

Yea, i reckon when all the hussle of the funeral all dies down, pardon the pun, its then she will need the company more..

Poor woman, she is such a lovely womann too

Sanjuro

My dad died on Tuesday and we buried him yesterday. It's nice to have visitors over the last few days, and people have been very good. They understand when we ask them only to stay a for a half hour. It's different for everyone, but people calling up during the day was fine. The evenings are better as my mam and sister need some alone time.

Caoimhín

Sanjuro wrote: »

My dad died on Tuesday and we buried him yesterday. It's nice to have visitors over the last few days, and people have been very good. They understand when we ask them only to stay a for a half hour. It's different for everyone, but people calling up during the day was fine. The evenings are better as my mam and sister need some alone time.

Im sorry for your loss Sanjuro.

Abi

snyper wrote: »

The father of the fsmily died of a heart attack after being in a nursing home following a stroke a few weeks ago at the age of 83.

If he has been in a home for some time, she is somewhat used to not having around the house. With that said, she could always get to him when she wanted to, and having been together for so long it has probably hit her like a tonne of bricks that she cant even do that anymore, hes just *gone*.

It depends entirely on the woman herself Synper. Everyone deals with grief differently. Some remain in shock for a while. During this time people are shaking your hand and offering condolences and it feels surreal to the them. Barely conscience of what is being said to them even.

You have people who nearly snap at everything you say because they arent handling it well, and then you have those who need the company, and need to talk it out.

As someone else said, visit a couple of times and get a feel for how she is doing. Ask if she minds you dropping by, and is there anything that you can do to help out.

You are a considerate guy Snyper, fair play to you.


Sanjuro: Sorry to hear about your Dad..

Dudess

Sanjuro wrote: »

My dad died on Tuesday and we buried him yesterday. It's nice to have visitors over the last few days, and people have been very good. They understand when we ask them only to stay a for a half hour. It's different for everyone, but people calling up during the day was fine. The evenings are better as my mam and sister need some alone time.

Condolences. Stay strong, you're doing great...

flanum

Condolences to sanjuro, hope you get through this hard time.

Snyper, id definitely call to her in the few days after the funeral and maybe make a rugular weekly visit to her, for cup of coffee, cake etc. she may look forward to a regular weekly natter. also offer a few chores around the place..lawn cut,put rubbish out etc. fair play to ya.

The Artist

sorry to hear about your close family friend snyper.
Yes as like everyone posted here are all good advices.
i say the same things too.
She will need all the best comfort from you and anyone else in the family.
Im sure you will cope well snyper,you doing the right thing here to ask for anybodys advice and thats what were here for.

The Artist

sorry to hear about your father sanjuro.

Sanjuro

Thanks guys. The funeral's all done and finished now, so the hardest part is over. Just gotta keep an eye on my ma and sis now. My girlfriend, extended family and friends have been fantastic so it's really helped. It'll help your friend too, Snyper, so be there for her. It's never 'interfering' in a situation like this.

AckwelFoley

Sorry for your loss sanjuro, to lose a father is very sad, and i am terrified at the thought of the day my father dies, we are very close.

Zzippy

Snyper, your friend's wife will be really lonely now, she's spent her whole life with this man and now he's gone. It might not seem like she appreciates it, but I guarantee you, being there for her will be great for her, and it will be the best thing you could do. Fair play for thinking that way, and encourage other family friends to call around too.
All of a sudden I have a newfound respect for the OP.

sneezymonica

Sorry for your loss Snyper, and Sanjuro also. It's a rough time. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a partner, after so long together it must be devastating.

Likewise, I haven't experienced a close family bereavement in a long time (thank god, or whoever's out there) and I dread the thought of it happening.

Snyper, like everyone has said, I'd go with the company, she will have many a long hour on her own to grieve, and if she wants to be alone at a particular time she will probably tell you.

randylonghorn

sneezymonica wrote: »

Snyper, like everyone has said, I'd go with the company, she will have many a long hour on her own to grieve, and if she wants to be alone at a particular time she will probably tell you.

+1

Zzippy wrote: »

All of a sudden I have a newfound respect for the OP.

Ah, when Snyper is actually being serious he comes across as a decent guy.

It's just that he's usually taking the pish ...

I for one can't afford to throw any stones on that score

AckwelFoley

i.ve often seen people that are of similar age, when they lose a husband or wife like that, they themselves are soon to pass.

I dont know if its just a coincidence or simply a broken heart


If you think about it.. i know how cut up i was. am after breaking up with my gf after 7 yrs together.. but imagine spending 50 years together and having kids and all that..

Most of us are not even 50 years old let alone spending all that time with a person as a partner, only to lose them..

*sigh*

Loopy

Sanjuro wrote: »

My dad died on Tuesday and we buried him yesterday. It's nice to have visitors over the last few days, and people have been very good. They understand when we ask them only to stay a for a half hour. It's different for everyone, but people calling up during the day was fine. The evenings are better as my mam and sister need some alone time.

So sorry to hear that Sanjuro. Its a very difficult time for you and my advice is go with your emotions, don't be afraid to talk/cry to whoever will listen. I know guys are different to us wimmins but you do need to offload..

My thoughts are with you and you family..

Snyper: I think visit her and you can suss out how she is feeling on the day. You will know if she dosen't need your company..

When my mum died, sometimes I loved having people around me and there were also times I was like 'Jesus what the hell are these people doing here, I wish they would all fuck off.

You will sense when you get there and if you don't, just ask her would she rather be alone..

allabouteve

So sorry to hear of your loss Sanjuro, and of yours Snyper. I've lost both my parents now, and found the hardest part was after the funeral when the visitors stop coming and the world keeps turning no matter how you feel. Call by as often as you can Snyper, it will be appreciated. And cliched as it is, the loss is easier to bear with the passage of time Sanjuro...although I know it doesn't help to hear that.

MissHoneyBun

Sorry to hear about your dad Sanjuro. Hope you and your family are doing ok.
Snyper I know when a member of my family died there were days when I wanted to talk about it and days I wanted to pretend it wasnt happening. Your family's friend might need space one day and all the company she can get the next.. But good intentions are always welcome

Also sorry to hear about your breakup, mustn't be easy..

Overheal

snyper wrote: »

A very close fsamily friend died yesterday morning.

As a ckid between 3 and 12 i spent alot of time in their house and they were like grand parents to me. The family were close to us.

The father of the fsmily died of a heart attack after being in a nursing home following a stroke a few weeks ago at the age of 83.

His wife is understandably distraught. I called up to the house and stayed chatting with her. It really makes me sad to see a spouse die like that after all the time spent together...

Whats better.. to call into her and chat more often so shes not alone.. or leave her and let her mourn alone?

sympathies mate.

When my stepmom went, the neighbours gave us plenty of space but had doors open; and looked after us for food and stuff; had us over for dinner, etc. it was a really nice gesture. Just so we didnt have to bother ourselves with the cooking and all of that menial ccrap at the time.

Nevyn

snyper wrote: »

Yea, i reckon when all the hussle of the funeral all dies down, pardon the pun, its then she will need the company more..

Poor woman, she is such a lovely womann too

Widow sex FTW.

Overheal

thoughtful as always Thaed

AckwelFoley

Thaedydal wrote: »

Widow sex FTW.

Shes 82 :eek:

Cool_CM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Widow sex FTW.

No Snyper is clearly into the young 'uns.
Condolences to both of you

Overheal

snyper wrote: »

Shes 82 :eek:

GILF?

scruff321

defintily call its not good for people to be left alone to dwell on their misery

scruff321

Overheal wrote: »

GILF?

have a bit of cop on you eejit what are you 12 :rolleyes:

Overheal

scruff321 wrote: »

have a bit of cop on you eejit what are you 12 :rolleyes:

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=56111941&postcount=26

save room for comic relief. Funeral proceedings are morose enough without it.

Steve

Overheal wrote: »

GILF?

/facepalm