Below average?

LegacyUser

I'm seeing this girl, who means an awful lot to me, but it was only last week when we had sex for the first time. The problem is she told me prior to us having sex that the chances are I wouldnt be able to make her come. True to form, she was right and no matter what i did i couldnt get her to do it. We've had sex twice since and the same thing. Now she says that she still enjoys it and that its great but I feel a little demoralised as I'd love to make her orgasm. During foreplay I make her come multiple times by fingering her yet when it comes to penetration I can't. And herein lies my problem, I'm wondering is my manhood too small?? Its about 4-4 and a half inches fully erect and while I've never had any complaints before its getting me down. She likes it from behind yet when i tried it it didnt really work and we had to revert to me on top. Her on top didnt seem to go too well either. Can anyone offer me any advice, suggestions or confidence boosts?

Nevyn

If she can't or is having trouble orgasming from penetrative sex then it is not you or your penis fault. A lot of women can't. Try to find a way to combine stimulating her with penetration.

But remember it's not your problem, not your issue to fix to bolster how you feel about yourself, it could be she will not want to put in the effort and time.
Talk to her before you go of on a crusade to give her such an orgasm she maybe not currently able to her self.

RedXIV

I've actually heard of this before where penetration did little to nothing for the girl yet oral will send her for several. As stated above, this is not your fault, this is just how she is. As again stated above, the solution to the this problem was finding a mix of stimulation WITH penetration. Not always easy, i'll grant you but talk through it and find postions you are both comfortable with. With added stimulation, you may yet overcome this problem.

Calibos

google, coital alignment technique. Grind into that clitty man

adam.number3

try a toy... if that does it for her, then maybe size does matter. 4-4 is pretty small, tbh.... but on the other hand, if you're able to help her out in other ways, what does it matter?

LegacyUser

Had this with an old 'aquaintance' of mine about a year ago! No position physically possible could make her come but she did love the oral and that seemed to do the trick! as yer man there said, it's all about the clit. Natures natural rubix cube. Figure that bad boy out and your on the stairway to heaven my friend.

MagicMarker

adam.number3 wrote: »

try a toy... if that does it for her, then maybe size does matter. 4-4 is pretty small, tbh.... but on the other hand, if you're able to help her out in other ways, what does it matter?

way to be helpful there man!

OP: Don't worry soo much, believe it or not a high percentage of women find it hard to cum via penetration, size is not the issue... She told you before you even had sex that she probably wouldn't cum, so this is obviously nothing new to her.

dory

adam.number3 wrote: »

try a toy... if that does it for her, then maybe size does matter. 4-4 is pretty small, tbh.... but on the other hand, if you're able to help her out in other ways, what does it matter?

That made me lol. I don't think there's many men able to use a toy on a woman to please her when he feels his man bits aren't doing the job. Pride is a terrible thing.

And yea, as said before, some women just can't. Admittedly a large chunk of those women turn out to be gay (a few exes of mine said they had fun with men, but that was a big indicator of their sexuality). But I'm sure lots of straight women are the same.

Caoimhín

I don't see where the problem is.

You were satisfied and blew your load, 3 pumps and a squirt. Wimmin aren't supposed to enjoy sex, that's just lesbian propaganda.

Wibbs

caoibhin What? Not exactly helpful now was it? Read the charter.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Never been a woman but I'd imagine seeing a guy try in desperation would be a bit of a turn off.

As she said(which she probably shouldn't have) she doesn't come from penetration. Just relax, the longer you have sex with her the better it will get & once you keep it exciting it'l probably eventually happen. I think women coming quite psycholoigal for a lot of em

MysticalSoul

Woman do need more oral and manual stimulation. eg the clitoris is the main area for stimulating. Most women do need the manual stimulation, and won't orgasm through penetrative sex. It has nothing to do with size - despite common believe size has nothing to do with it.

gogglebok

I'd relax about this one, OP. People's sexual responses are very different, and penetration isn't an equally efficacious orgasm-generator for everyone.

But sex isn't just about penetration, or just about orgasms. The worst thing here would be to put pressure on either her or yourself. Making the woman come isn't like a test that the guy has been set, and I imagine it could be very alienating for the woman to have it treated that way.

Anyway, there's obviously plenty of other things ye can do, and ye seem to be making a fine job of them. Just don't wreck it with pressure or lack of confidence.

It's certainly not a size issue.

LegacyUser

female perspective here. Penetration does very little, thats the norm!! you need to focus on the clit!!! :D

Call Me Jimmy

Maybe I've seen too much porn... Ok I've definately seen too much porn, but maybe when ye can't make her cum through penetration it is a bit to do with penis size? Surely the female anatomy isn't THAT different from person to person that something as significant as stimulation from penetration is completely absent in some girls and wholly ( :P ) present in others?

LegacyUser

For some women, you can do penetration all day, it is never going to happen I'm afraid! Doesn't matter what size you are!
Jimmy....porn may not be the most reliable point of reference here!

spurious

ah here! wrote: »

female perspective here. Penetration does very little, thats the norm!! you need to focus on the clit!!! :D

+1

Not a lot of point banging away in the wrong arena.

Wibbs

gogglebok wrote: »

I'd relax about this one, OP. People's sexual responses are very different, and penetration isn't an equally efficacious orgasm-generator for everyone.

But sex isn't just about penetration, or just about orgasms. The worst thing here would be to put pressure on either her or yourself. Making the woman come isn't like a test that the guy has been set, and I imagine it could be very alienating for the woman to have it treated that way.

Anyway, there's obviously plenty of other things ye can do, and ye seem to be making a fine job of them. Just don't wreck it with pressure or lack of confidence.

It's certainly not a size issue.

Pretty much bang on advice there. Women vary a lot in their sexual response. What works for one won't work for another. Some can't orgasm from penetration, some can. Some can very easily in fact.

Now it can be true that with some they need a bigger size to do so, for obvious direct stimulation pressure reasons. So let's face it in cases like that size does matter(Length isn't really the issue anyway. Width is, for the aforementioned reasons). Even so you could be hung like a prize bull and if your technique is crap all she'll get is discomfort if not pain. Orgasms would be a long way off. A close female mate of mine has told me that she can generally only orgasm from penetration with a larger penis. She's with a guy now that isn't packing in that way and she loves him, is marrying him and has a great sex life. A successful couple and sex life may be realised in the bedroom but it is built outside it.

In any case you have what you have and that's that. You either get all caught up with your size to the exclusion of all other options, or grab the bull by the horns and brush up your other techniques. If certain positions don't work because of your size or her size then find ones that can. You could have similar issues if both partners were very overweight or not very flexible. Yet they can have very satisfying sex lives. People come(ouch) in all shapes and sizes, both in the nether regions and elsewhere, yet we all come from a long line of people who were able to get it on regardless.

Let's put it another way, if her orgasm is your aim then consider that a lesbian could give your woman more orgasms than you and she doesn't possess a penis at all, of any size. Enough said.

Caoimhín

Wibbs wrote: »

a lesbian could give your woman more orgasms than you and she doesn't possess a penis at all, of any size. Enough said.

Ahh... the auld lesbian propaganda again.

Wibbs

caoibhin. Second warning today. I don't give third ones. Take a few days off from here.

chuci

op dont stress about it thats the worst thing you can do it will put both of you under serious stress and make ex seem like its only worth it if she orgasms. just try to relax and find some positions that include penetration and where you are manually able to stimulate her clitoris. sex takes practice with every new person you meet no matter how any times you have done it before everyone enjoys something different and its just a matter of trial and error until you get it right.

LegacyUser

hi.... being a female myself but not a "wimmin" dont know what era your livin in!! i have a few things to add...

to me the reason it is harder to climax during sex for women is because its all about the g-spot... the 3 most stimulating things are the nipples,clit and g-spot.... but sometimes when the clit is focused on and then the penis is put in the clit stimulation dosnt matter any more because as soon as it goes inside- the g spot hasnt been stimulated.... a good thing to do is finger her focusing on the g-spot till she is climaxing and then stick it in at the end... that way the g-spot has been stimulated constantly and then the penis finishes it off.... try that!!!

Calibos

adam.number3 wrote: »

try a toy... if that does it for her, then maybe size does matter. 4-4 is pretty small, tbh.... but on the other hand, if you're able to help her out in other ways, what does it matter?

Truely a case of, if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all :rolleyes:

Yes it would be silly to think size had nothing to do with it and not to comment on size if the guy was packing a micro-penis (that is actually a scientific term). If that were the case, denying reality and not commenting on the size would not be doing the OP any favours.

....but, he isn't packing a micro penis. He is within the average range. Admittably, towards the lower end of average but still average and certainly not that small, and thus size is not an issue that needs commenting on in this case and certainly comments like 'pretty small' are not helpful, are hurtful and possibly just there to make YOU fell better about your 5 incher. :rolleyes:

As others have said, some girls do need a 'big one' to come but the average girl doesn't or wouldn't even come with a big one. Its all about clitoral stimulation and for that you need to work on positions that put pressure on her clitoris where your pelvic area, ie the fatty area above your penis is putting pressure and rubbing against her clitoral area. Now don't spend all night trying this if it isn't working straight off. She will get bored and frustrated and so will you. Try it for a while and if it isn't working move on to oral etc and get her off that way and then get off yourself and try again the next night. Eventually it will all come together.

daisey

caoibhin wrote: »

I don't see where the problem is.

You were satisfied and blew your load, 3 pumps and a squirt. Wimmin aren't supposed to enjoy sex, that's just lesbian propaganda.

oh yes cos a womens only purpose on this planet is for a mans pleasure :rolleyes: , id say its been long time since you got the leg over cos i cant imagine that there is a woman dumb enough to be wit you:mad:

Wibbs

daisey wrote: »

id say its been long time since you got the leg over cos i cant imagine that there is a woman dumb enough to be wit you:mad:

I wouldn't be too sure, but anyway folks back on topic.

gogglebok

sneeky wrote: »

to me the reason it is harder to climax during sex for women is because its all about the g-spot...

It's not universal, though. Some women just aren't particularly responsive in the g-spot area.

Luckily, who doesn't love a long conversation about what they like in bed?

christo82

dory wrote: »

That made me lol. I don't think there's many men able to use a toy on a woman to please her when he feels his man bits aren't doing the job. Pride is a terrible thing. :)QUOTE]

I can't oscillate at 50 times a second though.

Nevyn

ah here! wrote: »

female perspective here. Penetration does very little, thats the norm!! you need to focus on the clit!!! :D

Thats certainly a female perspective but not the female perspective as women do vary.

Op how about the both of you start doing Kegel exercises.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exercise