End of the Road

TheForeSkins

5 years ago I did the Leaving Certificate Examination and managed to fail one exam, passing in the rest, before the test billed to me as the biggest in my life seemed to do nothing for me. Realising that I wasnt the most academically gifted I decided that I would persue an artistic dream and entered into the world of Film and Television, with specifics to Journalism and Scriptwriting, and did a course. I got good grades, fantastic grades even, and made top of my class. Then, I decided to transfer to another college, where I was able (as of last week) to complete the course I had wanted to do on that CAO form in 2003. Essentially, academically, I applied myself and my dream came true. This week I completed my course.

You may think theres no problem, and to me, as I write this I see that as being a great thing. I did what I wanted and despite the setback of the LC I got the course and qualifications I wanted. Im now moving from the country and going on to do a masters in scriptwriting. One day I may even accomplish my dream of scriptwriting with the BBC and writing episodes of Dr Who and Life On Mars

But the thing is, tonight, I celebrate the end of the year with my classmates. And its not that Im ungrateful or unapprichative but I feel really arkward about this awards ceremony. I feel that Ive never really met with the majority of these people on the same wavelength, as truly nice and the majority of them are. I feel college has been a very impersonal experience and while I achknowledge I was never as forthcoming as I could have been there have been people who made it very difficult to get involved with their group. I have always felt like an outsider and I dont want that to be the case. I want to be totally confident in tonights proceedings as a joint celebration of everyones achievements but I do feel that, for some reason, I havent the right to celebrate with them and Ive missed the chance to accomplish more than an academic grade

Does anyone know what I mean?

partyguinness

I kinda know what you mean..i graduated in 2000 but the ceremony afterwards was just meaningless and i left early..while I made lots of friends in college i knew that I prob wld never see most of them again so I didnt see the point..college is impersonal and it is tough..I went back to my friends from childhood as I knew they were the only ones i could count on and trust..everyone in university is watching out for number 1 including myself (okay I know that is a sweeping generalisation)...but I would never go back plus I am not a "people person" lol

You should now plan the future and move forward..college is over and in the past..dont dwell on it..a new chapter in your life is beginning..good luck

RedXIV

hmmmm if anything, i could be a candidate for the opposite, i went to college trailing a list of various academic achievments in school, an alright leaving cert and hit college with the full intention of enjoying myself regardless of the academic aspect. Kinda regreting some of it now. While i undoubtably am happy in my life, i became extremely comfortable in myself and really confident, i skimped on alot of my coursework and if i pass, it'll be pretty much down to luck. on the same token, the guy who is excelling in my course is a nice guy, been out with us a few times and would probably be one of those guys you only think of half way through the night. but i'd still call him my friend. i'd still like to think that he think's i'm a friend.

Point being, you may actually mean more to people there than you realise. Go, it's only a night and you may actually enjoy yourself

Seraphina

know exactly what you mean. i ended up going to the ceremony but not even going on the night out. i had never really fitted in my most of my class, i'm shy in groups and found it awkward to try making friends with people who already had loads.

i feel like i missed out on so much of the university experience cause i lived at home and didn't really do any crazy wild nights out or anything (apart from with my normal, non uni friends) and halfway through second year i wanted to drop out as i felt so lonely and depressed. i stuck with it and finished up with honours which i was pleased with, but somehow its all seemed so meaningless to me because it was so impersonal. this big busy place that i was always totally alone in.

however, i've moved to england to do a masters, and while this time, the academic aspect is not as good, i'm really enjoying meeting new people. i found people over here surprisingly more friendly and approachable then when i was at uni in dublin, its great.

moving to do your masters might get you out of your shell and be the best thing you've ever done!

TelePaul

I understand where you're coming from. I finished college two weeks ago I consider my peers some of the most unempathic (and in many cases, purely unlikeable) people in existence. I made the mistake of approaching college with a set of predetermined assumptions as to the kinds of people I'd meet, how the classes would be conducted, the social opportunities etc. And I was wrong in virtually all of my assumptions. My fault perhaps. But I soldiered through and my achievements have instilled a deep sense of personal pride. It's a greater achievement knowing you've made it on your own.

Pisses me off when people forget my name though. Bastards.