Suspicion and hatred of intellectuals

Affable

Meet a lot of them in my social circle and am increasingly uncomfortable around their confidence, suspicious of their keeness to discuss intellectual topics, manner that I see as contrived,jumped up and pretentious etc.

Is any of this justified or do I have a chip on my shoulder? As I'm living in Cambridge I can't seem to get away from it socially. Had to share as it makes me unhappy the world I'm in.

LegacyUser

you don't like hanging around with smart people? then don't!
Seriously it pisses me off. There are friends of friends that join us for pints and give me **** for using "big words" or daring to talk about smthing other than sport or tv!!! Either join in or move on!

Red Hand

I'd have to agree with the above poster. Why hang out with people you don't get along with? I mean on boards.ie, there are fora that you wouldn't have an interest in and so don't post in? Likewise, with socialising.

And, yeah, many people are out to impress, some by showing their smarts, others by their clothes/status symbols/physical appearance etc. It's the world we live in, yet you can choose who are your friends.

Affable

Know on reflection it doesn't seem too sensible, was pretty down about it tonight and needed to vent. Just been to a dinner party last night. Argh.

dolphinius

Affable wrote: »

Meet a lot of them in my social circle and am increasingly uncomfortable around their confidence, suspicious of their keeness to discuss intellectual topics, manner that I see as contrived,jumped up and pretentious etc.

Is any of this justified or do I have a chip on my shoulder? As I'm living in Cambridge I can't seem to get away from it socially. Had to share as it makes me unhappy the world I'm in.

I think that you don't have a chip on your shoulder. I too have been through college and some people just bored the pants of me. They liked showing off their education and loved literary name dropping. It is similar in IT circles, where three letter acronyms (TLR's) are the norm. It is okay if they explain what they are talking about. They get so comfortable and are unable to just hang out and chat.

The smug, condescending looks used to really piss me off too. I used to collect jokes and drop them in when the going got tough. And developed a really bored look that took me years to get rid of.

Develop a defense mechanism and a series of topics that are truly yours. My mate uses the 'Tour De France'. I've heard his spiel before, but others seem interested when he kicks off. "Did you know that in 1922...." It changes the table topic around to things that he is interested in and can talk about. Normally travel. People love to talk about where they've been, going to etc.

In that way the conversation moves from "intellectual" to general, then you just carry on with your "interesting topics". Watch as they try to return to their pet intellectual pursuits. Then, just head them off at the pass, with some quip or tangential aside. In the end they will enjoy your input. Make them think for a change, instead of running through their rehearsed monologues.

AARRRGH

Affable wrote: »

Is any of this justified or do I have a chip on my shoulder?

I've seen a lot of your posts and you seem to have a deep suspicion of people. They're either looking down on you or ridiculing you.

People might act and appear a certain way in public, but behind whatever mask they're wearing they're still human beings. You know, they want to be loved and accepted, and are just as vulnerable as you.

If you start giving people the benefit of the doubt, and take a glass half full approach to things, I think you'll find happiness and luck become much more abundant in your life.

/No offence meant by this post

oil painting

HI.... ive been in similar situations and i often find that intelligence is not only defined academically.... there is alot to be said for emotional intelligence...the society you are in think that this is the best way to conform to-to be the smartest and to prove it to the world-big deal... real life is different,one thing i know about life is that everyone has issues,and the bigger the ego the bigger the issues...knowing yourself and who you are is the best confidence booster you can have,then no matter who you are around you will never feel inferior,because you know in your core that you have just as much to offer as the next person... i never feel inferior to anyone anymore,when ever i am around someone who is academic i always know that they dont know everything because they dont know me...... i may not know everything or be highly academic... but i know myself... emotional intelligence will out way a book smart xxx

Affable

dolphinius wrote: »

I think that you don't have a chip on your shoulder. I too have been through college and some people just bored the pants of me. They liked showing off their education and loved literary name dropping. It is similar in IT circles, where three letter acronyms (TLR's) are the norm. It is okay if they explain what they are talking about. They get so comfortable and are unable to just hang out and chat.

The smug, condescending looks used to really piss me off too. I used to collect jokes and drop them in when the going got tough. And developed a really bored look that took me years to get rid of.

Develop a defense mechanism and a series of topics that are truly yours. My mate uses the 'Tour De France'. I've heard his spiel before, but others seem interested when he kicks off. "Did you know that in 1922...." It changes the table topic around to things that he is interested in and can talk about. Normally travel. People love to talk about where they've been, going to etc.

In that way the conversation moves from "intellectual" to general, then you just carry on with your "interesting topics". Watch as they try to return to their pet intellectual pursuits. Then, just head them off at the pass, with some quip or tangential aside. In the end they will enjoy your input. Make them think for a change, instead of running through their rehearsed monologues.

Thanks for your input. Yeah, just to make clear I never went to Cambridge but went to uni which I didnt enjoy much and am now living back in Cambridge, albiet reluctantly. I don't think they are boring but I do think full of themselves and pretentious. I do get quite uncomfortable sometimes and hate the performance aspect of it. Quite complex advice , I will try to take what I can from it, so I can feel more relaxed.

I perhaps need to find people I'm more comfortable with, I've tended to just drift into socialising with the wrong people, because they think it's good for me.

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

I've seen a lot of your posts and you seem to have a deep suspicion of people. They're either looking down on you or ridiculing you.

People might act and appear a certain way in public, but behind whatever mask they're wearing they're still human beings. You know, they want to be loved and accepted, and are just as vulnerable as you.

If you start giving people the benefit of the doubt, and take a glass half full approach to things, I think you'll find happiness and luck become much more abundant in your life.

/No offence meant by this post

Yes, fair enough, fair comment. Although I don't know whether forum squabbles should be seen as altogether representative of my life though.

dolphinius

Affable wrote: »

Thanks for your input. Yeah, just to make clear I never went to Cambridge but went to uni which I didnt enjoy much and am now living back in Cambridge, albeit reluctantly. I don't think they are boring but I do think full of themselves and pretentious. I do get quite uncomfortable sometimes and hate the performance aspect of it. Quite complex advice , I will try to take what I can from it, so I can feel more relaxed.

I perhaps need to find people I'm more comfortable with, I've tended to just drift into socialising with the wrong people, because they think it's good for me.

Cambridge is an academic town. My advice was fairly general. You will meet all types of people everywhere. When I lived in Central London, you would never know who would be the next person to sit down, or go for a smoke outside.
"Full of themselves and pretentious", as Dublindude says, is just their mask. That's just their comfort zone where they perform. You sound like a sociable guy. Keep looking and you will find people that you click with. My advice isn't that complex, it's just how to enjoy any table, and add your stories and 2c worth and feel you've contributed and enjoyed the evening.

My current topics include Amy Winehouse, price of petrol, upcoming European internationals, etc. Oh, and women. Naturally. Biggest unsolved mystery ever.

Affable

dolphinius wrote: »

"Full of themselves and pretentious", as Dublindude says, is just their mask.

I think it's a mistrust of them in personal, close relationships. Intellectually confident people sometimes set themselves up as real authorities on everything that can tell people whats wrong with them.

Dudess

What does your family think of your feelings towards intellectuals?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=56040871&postcount=42

spinandscribble

Dudess wrote: »

What does your family think of your feelings towards intellectuals?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=56040871&postcount=42

eye opening...

did you know that what we mostly dislike in others we usually dislike in ourselves?

Affable

Dudess wrote: »

What does your family think of your feelings towards intellectuals?
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=56040871&postcount=42

Dunno what that post says, I can't access it. I suspect it is supposed to be derogatory though, since I offended you before.

macshadow

oil painting wrote: »

HI.... ive been in similar situations and i often find that intelligence is not only defined academically.... there is alot to be said for emotional intelligence...the society you are in think that this is the best way to conform to-to be the smartest and to prove it to the world-big deal... real life is different,one thing i know about life is that everyone has issues,and the bigger the ego the bigger the issues...knowing yourself and who you are is the best confidence booster you can have,then no matter who you are around you will never feel inferior,because you know in your core that you have just as much to offer as the next person... i never feel inferior to anyone anymore,when ever i am around someone who is academic i always know that they dont know everything because they dont know me...... i may not know everything or be highly academic... but i know myself... emotional intelligence will out way a book smart xxx

+1
A very healthy outlook.
In reality academic or not doesn't equal better or worse:)

spinandscribble

Quote:
Originally Posted by Susannahmia
Thats hardly an accredited or scholarly article now is it? Go read Bourdieu, Durkheim, Ritzer, Dan Pence, J Fields, Linda Faye Williams. Educate yourself and then you might just be taken seriously.

You won't impress me with fancy names. I come from a distinguished academic family and know not to take these people as divine authorities..
Anyway science (and politics) are not completely objective, they can be influenced by not wanting to come up with conclusions that offend.


Are people seriously trying to tell me that the stats I produced contain no element of truth?

---

Last edited by Affable : 25-05-2008 at 18:23.


that bit was you boasting about your family incase you forgot...

Affable

spinandscribble wrote: »

that bit was you boasting about your family incase you forgot...

It wasn't boasting, more making a point that you shouldn't take these people with too higher regard.

spinandscribble

but we should, you? and your family? Because you're more learned in your opinion?

anyway this is going off topic..
bottomline, you don't have to be friends and talk with anyone who push their academic history under your nose. it's just in you're case you seem fairly able to fit in.

Affable

spinandscribble wrote: »

but we should, you? and your family? Because you're more learned in your opinion?

No, not my family-that was my point, I've seen it first hand so just meant that academic names are just people not to be bestowed with too much authority. I shouldn't really have phrased it in way that sounded a bit arsey.
I never said I was more learned in my opinion.
I just had a disagreement with Dudess because she thought my views were offensive whereas I saw them as true.

spinandscribble

right so, i misunderstood and thought you were saying because of your family and what you've learnt from them, you know that Bourdieu and those mentioned are not 'divine authorities'.

ebbnflow

very much in agreement with oil painting's post- it's rarely anyone else's problem but you're own. you choose your own company, just live and let live and have a little more confidence in yourself.. knowing that there is more to intelligence than the kind of speak and quotations so called 'intellectuals' throw about is something quite 'smart' in itself..

MagicMarker

Affable wrote: »

Meet a lot of them in my social circle and am increasingly uncomfortable around their confidence, suspicious of their keeness to discuss intellectual topics, manner that I see as contrived,jumped up and pretentious etc.

Is any of this justified or do I have a chip on my shoulder? As I'm living in Cambridge I can't seem to get away from it socially. Had to share as it makes me unhappy the world I'm in.

Could be worse, they could be black*

OP, really, if you're hanging around with people you find to be pretentious **** then i have one word for you.... STOP!


* refering to another thread started by the OP, i am not a racist:)

gogglebok

dolphinius wrote: »

I think that you don't have a chip on your shoulder. I too have been through college and some people just bored the pants of me. They liked showing off their education and loved literary name dropping. It is similar in IT circles, where three letter acronyms (TLR's) are the norm. It is okay if they explain what they are talking about. They get so comfortable and are unable to just hang out and chat.

But they are just hanging out and chatting. If they're being insensitive to a newcomer or an outsider, that's different, but a gentle request for help goes a long way with most people.

A lot of us are assuming that OP's crowd are (either pretentiously or anxiously) making a big display of their knowledge. They are very likely not. They're talking about what interests them in the way they like to talk. That's what we all do, surely? I seriously doubt that any of them are motivated by the desire to oppress or impress OP.

OP, you do sound a touch unreasonable. If you were were working at the South Pole you would expect some of the conversation to revolve around penguins. You would either adjust to it or move on. Resenting it would be just spooky.

The idea of changing the subject is a flawed one, I think. I know you're probably not going to go clanking into a debate on Ode To A Grecian Urn with "Speaking of crockery, did anyone Two Girls One Cup?" But there is an element of tyranny in wanting the conversation to revolve around your style and interests.

Anyway, intellectuals will talk intellectually about any subject. You need to find a circle of friends who have the kind of conversations you like. For the conversations you can't avoid, remember that everybody there is busy having their own life. It's not a contest.

Beruthiel

Affable

One thread in PI is quite enough. Anything you have to say, can be said in your first thread.
I'm starting to suspect that you might be trolling this forum. If I decide you are, I'll be banning you.
B