Fight with mom

LegacyUser

Last weekend I was away with all my family. It's been a while since I've been away with them all. We're a very close family and i've never had any major falling out with either of my parents. Obviously the odd spat here and there but nothing serious. So we were all having a great time about 14 or 15 of us. We were all drinking away and generally being merry. I had too much to drink (for the first time ever in front of my folks) and once I hit the fresh air the drink went completely to my head. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having a roaring fight with my mom. I have a very vague recollection of it. I'm not even sure what it was about. But I went completely off on one. I know I was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, mean to her which is totally unlike me. I don't know exactly what I said but I know it was bad. I think I literally called her every name under the sun.
We're fine now. We both acknowledged that it was drink related etc etc but I can't get it out of my head. I feel like breaking into tears since we got back. I don't mind getting drunk but I can't believe I said those things to her. She didn't deserve it at all.
Anyway, I don't really know why i'm posting it's just eating me up inside all week. I can't concentrate on work or study or anything.

craichoe

Unreg56498794 wrote: »

Last weekend I was away with all my family. It's been a while since I've been away with them all. We're a very close family and i've never had any major falling out with either of my parents. Obviously the odd spat here and there but nothing serious. So we were all having a great time about 14 or 15 of us. We were all drinking away and generally being merry. I had too much to drink (for the first time ever in front of my folks) and once I hit the fresh air the drink went completely to my head. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having a roaring fight with my mom. I have a very vague recollection of it. I'm not even sure what it was about. But I went completely off on one. I know I was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, mean to her which is totally unlike me. I don't know exactly what I said but I know it was bad. I think I literally called her every name under the sun.
We're fine now. We both acknowledged that it was drink related etc etc but I can't get it out of my head. I feel like breaking into tears since we got back. I don't mind getting drunk but I can't believe I said those things to her. She didn't deserve it at all.
Anyway, I don't really know why i'm posting it's just eating me up inside all week. I can't concentrate on work or study or anything.

Call her, apologise, job done. She'll forgive you, shes your mam after all

RedXIV

Treat her to something nice. I remember reading somewhere that people believed that forgiveness was to be earned never handed out. You obviously feel like you haven't earned or deserved it yet so go out of your way to do something nice for her

Beruthiel

Unreg56498794 wrote: »

I can't get it out of my head. I feel like breaking into tears since we got back. I don't mind getting drunk but I can't believe I said those things to her. She didn't deserve it at all.
Anyway, I don't really know why i'm posting it's just eating me up inside all week. I can't concentrate on work or study or anything.

Speaking as a mother, go round and see her. Tell her exactly what you've said in the quote above, give her a big hug and she will forgive you.
Perhaps bring a bunch of flowers. Seriously, that will do it.

MIN2511

RedXIV wrote: »

Treat her to something nice. I remember reading somewhere that people believed that forgiveness was to be earned never handed out. You obviously feel like you haven't earned or deserved it yet so go out of your way to do something nice for her

+1 to that

Take her to lunch or buy her a nice pressie

LegacyUser

RedXIV wrote: »

Treat her to something nice. I remember reading somewhere that people believed that forgiveness was to be earned never handed out. You obviously feel like you haven't earned or deserved it yet so go out of your way to do something nice for her

That's exactly it! She has forgiven me (and me her, as there were two of us fighting) but I don't feel like I deserve it. I was way out of line. I was going to buy her something to say sorry but i'm afraid to incase it seems like i'm trying to buy her off.

LouOB

That is such a horrible feeling
But your mother loves you and once you apologise all forgiven
Make sure she knows that she is a good mother and you love her also. As she probably feeling same as you at the moment

The Bollox

Beruthiel wrote: »

Speaking as a mother, go round and see her. Tell her exactly what you've said in the quote above, give her a big hug and she will forgive you.
Perhaps bring a bunch of flowers. Seriously, that will do it.

+1

this sounds like the best idea. the guilt will still remain but it will be diluted and she will forgive you

RedXIV

Unreg56498794 wrote: »

That's exactly it! She has forgiven me (and me her, as there were two of us fighting) but I don't feel like I deserve it. I was way out of line. I was going to buy her something to say sorry but i'm afraid to incase it seems like i'm trying to buy her off.

Then don't buy her something, do something a bit more imaginative. make her something. bring her somewhere. do something that YOU know will mean alot to her that not many others would know. you know her best so get the thinking hat on

Boom_Bap

As everyone has said, go apologise and explain to her how you are feeling following the incident....she's your mother, she'll understand. She probably is thinking about it like you are.

Normally outbursts like this are realted to something that has been knotted up inside you for quite some time and drink has been the trigger. The strange thing, and by the sounds of it, you dont know what this thing is.
Or has there been anything else in your life recently that has caused stress or been on your mind alot, we find it easy to take this out on the people we love the most and use them as emotional punching bags.

luckat

Hmm. Maybe you should ask yourself if you're drinking too much...

Anti

craichoe wrote: »

Call her, apologise, job done. She'll forgive you, shes your mam after all

Great advice !

Nevyn

So you are stuggling with your guilt due to what you did.
That is your problem that you have to live with the fact you are the type of person who once said those things to thier mother.

You can resolve not to do it again, but I don't see how or why you should burden your mother with your guilty due to your behaviour.

You have been forgiven and you do not feel worthy of that forgiveness but you will have to accpet it and that your mother's love for you which fueled that forgiveness.

You know you have let her down and yourself down, best thing you can do is strive to do better as you move forward.

Take time to look at what made you so angry and learn from this so you dont' do it again.

Best way either of my children can show me they have learned from a mistake is not to repeat it.

LegacyUser

luckat wrote: »

Hmm. Maybe you should ask yourself if you're drinking too much...

It's been asked, and answered. I don't drink too much on a regular basis. But I do tend to not know when I've had enough. Normally when I'm out i'm with my boyfriend and I pace myself off him. He's excellent for knowing when he's had enough and I know then that I've had enough. When he's not around is when I tend to drink too much. I'm not "going on the piss" anymore when i'm not out with him. It's not worth the agro.

To everyone else, thanks. And to Boom_Bap, i've been wrecking my head since the weekend trying to think of what set me off and I honestly can't put my finger on it. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with any issues with my mom, that's the worst part. I know it probably has to be something but I can't figure out what it is!

chuci

she has already forgiven you just give her something small to reiterate it and let it be.