I'm an idiot but...help me fix it!

LegacyUser

So I've been friends with this guy since October. Yeah not that long but I mean wow...very close instant friends which is unusual for both of us and we've both commented on it. We email daily about 5 times a day, we see each other at least 3 times a week purely on a friendship basis even though there have been flirts and sparks between us. I'm just out of an 8 year relationship and he's not too long out of a three or four year one so neither of us are interested in anything.

However...last week after a session, a few mutual friends came back to my place and we called him to come and join us. He was working and wasn't able to be out from the get go. He joined, serious amount of alcohol was consumed...okay this is where it all gets a bit fuzzy for me.

It ended up just the both of us on my couch chatting. Thats not so unusual but I'm afraid I went in for the kiss... *FACE PLANT MOMENT!* I really don't know what came over me as I don't really want to get involved as his friendship is too precious. But fact is in a drunken moment of idiocy I did...and now its weird! But immediately after it I just laughed! I swear it surprised me as much as him but I thought it was hilarious. We stayed chatting for a few more hours then he went home. But now its definitely weird.

His emails are fewer and they are curt. his text's are all but non existent when before they were plentiful. He's all of a sudden REALLY busy and doesn't think we'll get to see each other for a few weeks even though its my birthday this weekend and we had pre-planned some stuff!

So...what do I do? let him have his space? settle to the fact that I did ruin a beautiful friendship and just move on? Or confront him about the weirdness?
I really do like him and I think if the timing was better there could be something between us but I do adore his friendship. Also without sounding over confident...I know he likes me too. I'm leaving the country in 7 months for a year and in a moment of drunken weakness (for him) he asked if I really wanted to go and what he could do to make me stay...so...what do I do? Maybe the rejection was because I was drunk (man I was drunk) because I know he wants to kiss me. But regardless kiss or not I just need to fix our friendship! HELP ME!

2Scoops

You're not the idiot in this equation! Go for the 7 months; he'll be there when you get back. Alternatively, if he's that lost without you, why not turn it around on him and say why doesn't he leave for 7 months with you?

Bottle_of_Smoke

You could email him about it. Perhaps just copy & paste what you just typed

Thee fact that he's suddenly busy & emails less isn't a typical sign he's as interested as you say he is/

takola

I agree. Email him and say exactly what you've said in the post. Then give him time to read and think it through and reply. You'll have cleared the air too, no more wondering if there's anything behind the friendship or if anything could happen with you's two.

Goodluck with it!

c - 13

Maybe he is interested in you, the attraction is growing but he knows your going away for a year so is trying not to let anything spark off ? Just a thought.

Rev Hellfire

If you have something to say either meet him or phone him. Personally I wouldn't give much credence to someone who emailed me.

takola

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

If you have something to say either meet him or phone him. Personally I wouldn't give much credence to someone who emailed me.

Which is fair enough but if he's making himself busy at every turn she may have no other choice.

But yeah op, if you can meet him and say it to him all the better!

How Strange

In my experience, if a man suddenly makes himself 'unavailable' then he just isn't into you. For whatever reason, he isn't ready to develop your friendship into a relationship and he's being a total coward about it. Most probably, he was seeing if he would like to be in a relationship with you from the safe distance of a friendship. Now he's decided no so that's the end of the friendship too.

Concentrate on your trip abroad and give him a wide berth. He may or may not come back to you but I don't see why you have to explain anything in email or in person especially if he won't even pay you the simple courtesy of meeting up with you.

IMO, and speaking as a woman, that is a typical woman's reaction to this situation. You're thinking that it must be your fault because you've analysed it to death and decided you must've done something wrong so you should fix it.

kmick

Unless he is a real gentleman then I would wonder why he didnt take the opportunity when you kissed him if he likes you. Plus I would not take anything he said when drunk as a basis for anything. Tread carefully. I would not lay it all out. If I was going to send an email I would say something like ..."I think I like you. However I also really like you as a friend..if there is some attraction there on your side lets go on a date...if not lets be friends and at least the air is clear and I can move on romantically" - keep the tone rational as if you get emotional as a man he will run a mile.

molloyjh

You seem to be fairly sure he likes you and there have been a lot of "Maybe he doesn't" comments and "Maybe he's just afraid because you're going away for a year" comments. Everybody seems to have missed the most important part of your post. Maybe as a guy I can see the glaringly obvious problem. You laughed it off after it happened.

First, did he kiss back? If he did (and is interested) and you had a good 'oul laugh about it then he's probably a bit frustrated by the whole thing. The last thing anyone (especially a guy) needs is someone laughing at them after kissing them. Its very possible he really likes you and is just upset that when you did hook up you didn't take it seriously????

LegacyUser

So last night I was all but ready to call it a night when he calls me and asks if I wanna watch a movie. Says he can be round in 20 mins. Naturally I said yes thinking this will get us back on track. Forget the drunken attempt and ill timed kiss and just get back to being friends. He came round, we watched a couple of movies, talked till dawn (all alcohol free) and I dropped him home on my way to work today...

So all in all a good nights work. no awkwardness, no weirdness, just friends. Maybe he just needed his space for a few days, of course I over analyzed it. Maybe over reacted to his busy-ness! In fact he told me about this project he's working on in detail last night and he's so excited about it that I'm not surprised he wants to be submerged in it for a while.

Thanks for all the advice guys (specifically the ego stroke C-13) but it looks like this sorted itself out! Why do I panic huh!