It's raining.

Nevyn

Gentle large wet drops of rain, the temperature has finally dropped down for the first time this month.
the clean cool breeze filled my room and the scent of the rain was first to hit my senses.

I opened the windows of my room further letting the chill wash into the room and then could not resist it any longer went down and out to stand in the front garden to stand barefoot, face raised, eyes closed, skin a quiver. I sighed and raised my arms slightly reveling in the feel of it.

Next I hear a voice saying " Are you ok ?" one of my neighbors had pulled into the adjacent drive before I came out of the house and had been on the phone in her car. "Yep" I replied and went back to just being in the rain.
She shuts the door with a puzzled look on her face gathers her belongings and gets out of the car.

I loosen my hair from it's restraints, shake it out and it swishes around my shoulders I laugh enjoying the sensation. I hear the car door open as I breath in the smell of the wet grass and feel it between my toes.
"You came down just to stand in the rain" she realises out loud, I look at her and grin, she grins back and for a moment raises her face to feel the rain and I watch the stress of her day slide from her face.

Then she collects her self, gathers up what she must do before bed unto her self in much the same way as she took things from the car, she collects her worries and responsibilities from the universe after letting them go for a few moments. " Fair play to ye" she says in parting and goes into the brightness of her house leaving me smiling in the dark and the rain.

Call Me Jimmy

Hmmm I find it firstly hard to compare it to anything because of it's format. I think had it been memorably well-written it could be good but the idea itself isn't strong enough or particularly interesting imo.

EDIT: You're best line is "I watch the stress of her day slide from her face". But even while reading that, I'm picturing the two of them standing in the rain like idiots and I don't like them hah. Maybe that's just me though.

I sometimes feel bad when criticising someone like this. I'm afraid I judge all writing on a definate scale. I compare your writing to the best that I've read so please accept my criticism with that in mind.

I'm not gonna say keep scribblng either because I think I would find it condescending

ntlbell

all i see is one idiot....and another one looking up to the heavens thinking "some mothers do av em"

Wantobe

Completely different reaction from me- I loved it! I really got the feeling, the sense of that 'letting go'. Yea, loved it. What more can I say?