An Ode To Fair City

hackwhore69

This lame duck soap wins TV Now Best Soap Award? Didn't make sense to me either. So, after years of ignoring it, I sat down to watch one episode of the damn thing, quick flicking remote control in one hand and a bucket of ridicule in the other, then something odd happened; the usual sickening boredom did not set in and before I could exclaim, What the **** is happening to me?' the end credits were rolling. I have to say folks, against my better judgment, the bastard thing drew me in, and now I'm hooked, so perhaps it's time for a little hats off ode to the insidiously seductive power of Fair City:

THE UGLY ****LING

There once was an ugly
****ling
With stories all stubby and
brown
But the other soaps said in
much better words
Get out of town,
Get ****, get ****, get out of
town
So it went with a smack
and more twaddle from the crack
In a hurry to Cidertown
That poor little ugly
****ling
Tried **** sad fat
mares
But on every channel they spat
in its face
Now get ****, get ****, get
out of here
And it took another whack
so advanced to the crack
With the thousand yard stare
All through the new primetime
it shat itself away
Ashamed to show disgrace
afraid of what critics might say
All through the spinsters, with its
lonely stump of meat
Till a flock of ‘wans eyed
it there and very soon
agreed
You’re a fine soap indeed
A soap? Me a soap? Ah, go on!
And they said, yes you’re a
soap
Take a gander at yourself on
the box and you’ll see
And it looked, and it saw,
And it said
I am a soap! Wheeeeeeee!
I’m not such an ugly
****ling
No stories all stubby and brown
For in fact those birds in so
many words said
The best in town, the best,
the best,
The best in town
Not a smack from the crack,
Not twaddle from the crack
But as sharp as a thistle
With a showy pride back
Giving head so noble and
fly
Say who’s an ugly
****ling?
Not I!
Not I!