Toilet Training

AccessQuery

Hi,
My 3 yr old boy is performing very well in the creche, so to speak! At home it's a totally different story. Refuses to go at home for my wife or me. We've bought potties, a little toilet seat and a stepper and no joy. On a few occasions he has gone by himself, but the vast majority of time he'll have an accident and he may or may not tell us.

When accidents do happen we both tell him "that's no problem mum/dad will change you. You'll tell us the next time won't you?".

Very regularly (probably every 15/20 mins) we ask him does he want to go? His answer is always a very empathic No. Only a matter of minutes later there could be an accident. I've spoken to the creche staff about this and they were all very surprised as he's great for them toilet wise.

He's generally very responsive, and when asked to do small/general tasks is well able too, such as putting his cup and plate in the sink or putting items in the bin. He even helps us load the dishwasher and gets his own juice and milk from the fridge and fills his own cup (both under supervision).

I suspect it's probably a simple case of some more patience by mum and dad, but does anyone out there have any suggestions that we could also try?

Any other suggestions much appreciated.

gubby

Sorry but it sound to me that you are smuthering the poor little kid. give him a bit of space. Dont keep asking him every 20 min if he want to go. The fact that he has no problem at the creche means that he knows fine well when he want to go. next time he has an accident dont say one word about it just quietly change him and talk cheerfully about anything else you can think of. "He's generally very responsive, and when asked to do small/general tasks is well able too, such as putting his cup and plate in the sink or putting items in the bin. He even helps us load the dishwasher and gets his own juice and milk from the fridge and fills his own cup (both under supervision)."
it sounds like a pet puppy you are talking about. This is a child. For gods sake stop crowding him. He will be fine.

deisemum

I think ye're putting too much pressure on him and agree with gubby.

As a mother of 2 and childminder with lots of experience toilet training lots of children I think ye should stop reminding him about going to the toilet. The only time I'd ever remind a child about going to the toilet is when going out and then I remind all children including the bigger ones.

A lot of parents confuse toilet training with toilet timing. A child needs to learn to recognise when he or she needs to go to the toilet. Constantly reminding a child to go is not enabling the child to recognise the physical signs that the bladder or bowel needs emptying. If a child is reminded to go to the toilet on a frequent basis then on the law of averages he or she is going to "perform" on one of these occasions. That's toilet timing and the child generally hasn't recognised the need to go.

My advice is to say nothing, do not remind him about going to the toilet. He may have an initial accident as he's used to being reminded even though he wont go for ye and then has an accident.

I don't recommend pull-ups when toilet training as they're too like a nappy and very absorbant that the child might not be too aware of any physical discomfort. Underpants when wet or worse are a very physical reminder. Maybe get character underpants such as Bob the Builder, hopefully he wont want to wet Bob Just quietly change him if he has an accident.

The last thing you want your child to develop is issues around toilet training and become anal retentive in later life, Hitler being one of the more famous anal retentives and look how he turned out

run_Forrest_run

great post deisemum. yep, our little girl (2yr 4mths) has been using a potty at home for weeks now and she has even started using her step to actually get up and use the main toilet!
We are all stocked up with Peppa Pig underwear and going to devote the next bank holiday weekend to removing the pull-ups for good..I hope the weather is good for clothes drying:D

But to contribute to the point, I feel kids will let you know when they are ready for training, no point in putting pressure on them, it will only create tension. Our little one told us very clearly that she was ready.
Best of luck.

deisemum

I meant to also say that if you think your little one is ready to start toilet training but if after a few days it doesn't seem to be working or is getting a bit stressful then just put if off for a few weeks. It's much easier all round for everyone than prolonging a stressful situation.

Also from my experience boys tend to be older than girls when they are toilet trained and I'd ignore their age (some people are hung up on toilet training once a child is 2) but go by their development stage instead. Most boys seem to be older, usually just over 3 years of age, there will always be some that are younger.

My older boy was 3 before he got over his fear of pooping in the toilet yet his younger brother was just gone 2 and self-trained in a day. He only ever had 2 wetting accidents when he fell asleep. Now that was a pleasant shock as I thought it would be more drawn out like the older lad. Having an older brother had it's advantages, he was used to seeing it and wanted to be a big boy.

If a boy is tall enough to stand and aim into the toilet then I'd encourage that. Some potty's can put boys off performing ie their warm testicles touching a cold surface can be off putting. Appeal to their love of target practise, maybe worth putting a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet bowl and get them to aim at them.

AccessQuery

Thanks very much for all your helpful replies we'll certainly take your inputs on.

You've all confirmed my initial thoughts though that it's simply time the little man needs and not constant reminding.

Thanks again.

angeldaisy

I have to agree with everyone here, it is definately down to the child, my son was just over 2 and half when he told us he wanted to wear pants, he loves his thomas the tank engine pants! he refused to use a potty or a training seat and went straight onto the big toilet. It did take him a while to do poos on the toilet and he would wait until he got his nappy on at night before going! we started offering him a gold star sticker if he went poos on the toilet, it took him a few days but even now 7months later he still looks for his gold star! we also tried thomas stickers but he prefers his gold stars and sticks them to the back of his hands and proudly shows everyone. We were also advised that once we had had a couple of dry nights using a nappy or pull up, to take them off him and go without. It worked for us and he usually wakes me up if he needs to go.

Jaden

deisemum wrote: »

Appeal to their love of target practise, maybe worth putting a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet bowl and get them to aim at them.

Use a plastic wine cork. It floats and moves, is easily cleaned (the actual cork ones can absorb leading to an odd smell), and provides a constant target. Plus, you get to drink a bottle of wine. Everybody wins.

deisemum

lol. A real win win situation