Views on my Poem? "Reflection of my Soul"

rebeldiamond

Hey Everyone,
I am a young poet & hoping to get some of my work published someday & I would love to know what you all think of this? Do you like it? What do you think of it?
I hope to post many more & would greatly appreciate your opinions on my writing!
Thanking you all!


Reflection Of My Soul

Floating through life, blind to see.
Scared of that haunting reflection of me.
Thoughts so far above the clouds and sky.
Are wonders & dreams able to fly?

Unable to see past the pain.
Clouds burst into amazing rain.
Taking away the fears one by one.
And for a while it’s all gone.

But in the dark black night,
When I'm frozen & unable to fight,
I sense a shadow and it turns me cold.
When I see the reflection of my soul.

SuperSean11

its alright but a few lines dont rhyme

Call Me Jimmy

I am far from an expert but there are two things I think that one should use for gauging the quality of their own poetry.

The most important question imo is "do the words roll out like a red carpet?" By that I mean, basically is it well-written. If I read it out loud does it sound (for lack of a better word) poetic. The words should sound as good as a good painting should look.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself if you have conveyed your thoughts fully - "From reading this poem, can the people see the picture I was looking at in my mind when I wrote it?".

Unfortunately, I don't think this poem meets this criteria because reading it is difficult in the sense that I have to keep asking myself "does this even make sense?" and also because it seems a bit cliche and aimless.

As I said previously though, I'm no expert am no poetry buff but it's 6:20 in the morning and I haven't gone to bed yet and I felt like replying.

And also, it feels like rhyming was one of the objectives of the poem from reading it again. It feels like it was a priority above the meaning, the message or the words.

dylan1969

Hi I can almost totally agree with the reply above and I'm no poetry exepert either!! Thanks for replying to my poem - I wrote it in a text message one night a long time ago 2 a girl I was going out with to sound a bit romantic:)

But if you like poetry, keep writing!! you will get better and better as time goes on

i-digress

The rhythm is a little off, and I agree with the above posts. That said, everybody who writes in any capacity has pieces that were a little misguided. The poem doesn't seem real, perhaps write something based a little more on your own experience and emotions. Keep writing anyway!

Clubman998

I agree with Jimmy. Would be no much of a poet myself but if you organise firstly your thoughts and feelings then it may be easier to get them on paper. When I write something I only really care whether or not I like it and that there is some honesty in it for me.

Good effort, keep scribbling.

rebeldiamond

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I am far from an expert but there are two things I think that one should use for gauging the quality of their own poetry.

The most important question imo is "do the words roll out like a red carpet?" By that I mean, basically is it well-written. If I read it out loud does it sound (for lack of a better word) poetic. The words should sound as good as a good painting should look.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself if you have conveyed your thoughts fully - "From reading this poem, can the people see the picture I was looking at in my mind when I wrote it?".

Unfortunately, I don't think this poem meets this criteria because reading it is difficult in the sense that I have to keep asking myself "does this even make sense?" and also because it seems a bit cliche and aimless.

As I said previously though, I'm no expert am no poetry buff but it's 6:20 in the morning and I haven't gone to bed yet and I felt like replying.

And also, it feels like rhyming was one of the objectives of the poem from reading it again. It feels like it was a priority above the meaning, the message or the words.

Hi "Call Me Jimmy",
Firstly, I do want to say thanks for at least having a read of my poem, I do appreciate it.
But I did want to as k you about the comment where you said that " the words should roll out like a red carpet"?? Surely a poetic license allows me to vary on the stereo-typical rhyming process and basically just put down the words that I feel best convey how I am feeling? Do you know what I mean? Poetry means so many different things to different people.
I also dont know what you mean by saying "does this even make sense?" as thats fair enough if you dont "get it" or understand it as its very personal to me, but I want to know how you can therefore say it is a "cliche"??
I also wanted to let you know that "rhyming" was NOt one of the main objectives of the poem, especially not more than making the poem meaningful. Like "Clubman998" said most poems are wrote mainly for the writer with the hope that others may get some joy or a sense of understanding from them.
I just wanted you to know that I was really writing from my heart ad not just "trying" to write a poem badly as I think you may suspect?
But anyway, I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to it as I am going to post some more and hopefully with the feedback that I get (good & bad!) I can improve. And I would love if you did read any more that I post as hopefully I have explained my self a bit now. But in general, when I write, I write about my emotions and whats going on in my head & sometimes I cant help what that is!
Thanks again x

rebeldiamond

dylan1969 wrote: »

Hi I can almost totally agree with the reply above and I'm no poetry exepert either!! Thanks for replying to my poem - I wrote it in a text message one night a long time ago 2 a girl I was going out with to sound a bit romantic:)

But if you like poetry, keep writing!! you will get better and better as time goes on

Hi there!
Thanks for reading it dylan1969 and thanks for the encouragement, and I do love poetry so am defo gonna keep writing!

rebeldiamond

i-digress wrote: »

The rhythm is a little off, and I agree with the above posts. That said, everybody who writes in any capacity has pieces that were a little misguided. The poem doesn't seem real, perhaps write something based a little more on your own experience and emotions. Keep writing anyway!

Hi i-digress,

I just wanted to reply to what you said there quickly. I was very surprised that you said "the poem doesnt seem real", I am wondering how do you know what I feel and that what I write about is not relevant to my life and thoughts?
What makes it seem like its not real?? That seems totally crazy to me when I write completely from my heart and thats all I know? I would not want to write about anything only something that I know or understand?
Now I do appreciate your comments in the sense that it does make me think about the way I write & what I write about, which is what I asked for!! But I just think that its a strange assumption that you would think it wasnt from my own experience when unfortunetly, it is.
I guess I just wanted to explain that to you that these poems are all me as I want to post some more and I would love if you did read them as maybe now you know a little more about me and what/how I write.
So thanks for reading it & taking the time to reply & I do appreciate your encouragement at the end too! Thanks x

Call Me Jimmy

rebeldiamond wrote: »

Hi "Call Me Jimmy",
Firstly, I do want to say thanks for at least having a read of my poem, I do appreciate it.
But I did want to as k you about the comment where you said that " the words should roll out like a red carpet"?? Surely a poetic license allows me to vary on the stereo-typical rhyming process and basically just put down the words that I feel best convey how I am feeling? Do you know what I mean? Poetry means so many different things to different people.
I also dont know what you mean by saying "does this even make sense?" as thats fair enough if you dont "get it" or understand it as its very personal to me, but I want to know how you can therefore say it is a "cliche"??
I also wanted to let you know that "rhyming" was NOt one of the main objectives of the poem, especially not more than making the poem meaningful. Like "Clubman998" said most poems are wrote mainly for the writer with the hope that others may get some joy or a sense of understanding from them.
I just wanted you to know that I was really writing from my heart ad not just "trying" to write a poem badly as I think you may suspect?
But anyway, I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to it as I am going to post some more and hopefully with the feedback that I get (good & bad!) I can improve. And I would love if you did read any more that I post as hopefully I have explained my self a bit now. But in general, when I write write about my emotions and whats going on in my head & sometimes I cant help what that is!
Thanks again x

Hey

When I said "roll out like a red carpet" I explained that it meant the poem should read well. IMO if yer writing a poem it should sound nice when said out loud (or in yer head) and should flow well. I wasn't referring to rhyming here, just word selection and punctuation.
Also, you have a poetic licence to do anything you want, but because it's different doesn't necessarily mean it's good.

"does that even make sense?" - what I meant was, not necessarily the meaning but the way it's written. For example, the first line "Floating through life, blind to see." Two things. Firstly, "blind to see"? I just dont know that that makes sense, and secondly I don't think that's a sentence. Again you can argue about poetic licence if ye want, I'm just saying.

Finally, when it doesn't make sense to me and another person says it doesn't seem real I think it means that you haven't conveyed your feelings well enough through the words for others to feel/imagine what you're feeling or imagining.

I'de like to reiterate that I'm no expert, I would represent your non-poetry reading demographic, that's just honestly what I thought and felt it would be helpful for ye to know.

rebeldiamond

Clubman998 wrote: »

I agree with Jimmy. Would be no much of a poet myself but if you organise firstly your thoughts and feelings then it may be easier to get them on paper. When I write something I only really care whether or not I like it and that there is some honesty in it for me.

Good effort, keep scribbling.

Hi Clubman998,

How are you? Just wanna say thanks for reading my poem & for your feedback! I appreciate what you said about liking the poem yourself and not wondering about whether others will like it or not? I have to say I was quite disheartened by some of the other comments as some people didnt seem to "get" what I was trying to say? And some thought the feelings and emotions werent personal to me, which I just couldnt understand? As I only write about my own feelings and emotions, but I do appreciate what you said about trying to organise my thoughts and feelings, I definetly should do that!
I am gonna post some more so I would appreciate if you had a look at anymore that I put up! So thanks very much for your encouragment and I am really happy that you said it was a good effort, and I will deo "keep scribbling!". Thank you! x

rebeldiamond

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Hey

When I said "roll out like a red carpet" I explained that it meant the poem should read well. IMO if yer writing a poem it should sound nice when said out loud (or in yer head) and should flow well. I wasn't referring to rhyming here, just word selection and punctuation.
Also, you have a poetic licence to do anything you want, but because it's different doesn't necessarily mean it's good.

"does that even make sense?" - what I meant was, not necessarily the meaning but the way it's written. For example, the first line "Floating through life, blind to see." Two things. Firstly, "blind to see"? I just dont know that that makes sense, and secondly I don't think that's a sentence. Again you can argue about poetic licence if ye want, I'm just saying.

Finally, when it doesn't make sense to me and another person says it doesn't seem real I think it means that you haven't conveyed your feelings well enough through the words for others to feel/imagine what you're feeling or imagining.

I'de like to reiterate that I'm no expert, I would represent your non-poetry reading demographic, that's just honestly what I thought and felt it would be helpful for ye to know.

Hi there,
Thanks for getting back to me. I think you've made things a bit clearer by explaining that you wouldnt normally read poetry. As I guess I assumed that the people that would read it would be people that read poetry? So it is actually quite interesting to see what someone who doesnt normally read poetry thinks of it!
I did mention the "poetic license" but I do know that I cant use that to justify everything!! . But I did wanna explain something, ya know when I would say something like "blind to see", I'm trying to use the word "blind" as the opposite of "to see" to show how much I cant see and am missing out on?? But I guess maybe there are ways of getting that across more clearly. I find it so intersting though how peoples views on poetry vary. I have only posted this on one other site and its a site for fans of a certain band and they all love it there?? Mad isnt it? That makes me wonder whether this is the wrong place to be posting poems as people dont seem to understand them or is it just that on the other site, people think they understand them as there may be some connection between how I write and the music I/they listen to?
Anyway, its very interesting what you said about how a poem should sound when read aloud or in your head, its definetly something I'll think more about. And as for trying to convey my feelings more clearly, its always something I have struggled with and thats one of the reasons I write poetry but hopefully if I write more, maybe with time, things will become clearer.
So thanks again, and I honestly do appreciate your opinion and do want to know what you think! Cheers!

Call Me Jimmy

I'll tell you one thing, this is the place to post writing because you don't just get one section of people, you get them all. Out of interest, are you in your teens? It would make sense if most of the people on the other forum were around your age too...

i-digress

rebeldiamond wrote: »

Hi i-digress,

I just wanted to reply to what you said there quickly. I was very surprised that you said "the poem doesnt seem real", I am wondering how do you know what I feel and that what I write about is not relevant to my life and thoughts?
What makes it seem like its not real?? That seems totally crazy to me when I write completely from my heart and thats all I know? I would not want to write about anything only something that I know or understand?
Now I do appreciate your comments in the sense that it does make me think about the way I write & what I write about, which is what I asked for!! But I just think that its a strange assumption that you would think it wasnt from my own experience when unfortunetly, it is.
I guess I just wanted to explain that to you that these poems are all me as I want to post some more and I would love if you did read them as maybe now you know a little more about me and what/how I write.
So thanks for reading it & taking the time to reply & I do appreciate your encouragement at the end too! Thanks x

I presumed it wasn't real because it didn't seem believable.

rebeldiamond

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I'll tell you one thing, this is the place to post writing because you don't just get one section of people, you get them all. Out of interest, are you in your teens? It would make sense if most of the people on the other forum were around your age too...

Hey 'Call Me Jimmy', sorry I didnt get back to you sooner but you were wondering if I was in my teens and I'm actually not- I'm in my mid twenties and I think the fans on the other forum I mentioned are quite mixed-age wise. But like you say, there are a good mix of people here so I'm gonna post another one soon and see if I'm getting any better hey?

rebeldiamond

i-digress wrote: »

I presumed it wasn't real because it didn't seem believable.

Hey i-digress,
Please, if you get the chance, could you tell me why the emotions I was trying to convey seemed so 'unbelievable'?? Like I was saying, this particular poem is true to me & my life and emotions. It puzzles me why someone would assume it wasnt real?? I guess I find it frustrating, thats all!! Talk to ya soon!

rebeldiamond

Hey Everyone!
Thanks to all who have commented, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to leave your opinion son my writing. I have noticed though that quite a few people have actually viewed the poem but not half as many people have commented? So that makes me wonder? Does that mean that most people do not like it, or do people only tend to comment if they really llike something?? Or even if they really dislike something? I would like to know what some more of you readers out there think? Even whether you like it or not would be helpful.....
Anyway, thanks for reading & I hope that some of you like it! Have a good weekend!

barney1

I like this. The imagery works for me. I could be way off but to me it speaks of depression. The contrasting imagery of light and darkness suggests bouts of sadness and happiness.

Intothesea

Hello there. I think it might be worth focussing in on some
theoretical statements of what makes good poetry good to
you, and good in general (i.e. generally admired though not
necessarily generally loved). Meter and rhyme can be impor
-tant (in that respect your poem would make a good song
lyric as it is I think), but a key feature is the expression of
authentic feeling that can move your readers, and still be
true to you.

Do you think this poem can be felt by the general reader,
could someone without your specific experiences/feelings
tune in to it and move with it, does it tend towards the
universal by being specific? I think the advice here already
is very useful (formulate your thoughts and scope out what
you feel about what you want to say before you write, this
will help keep your imagery and references/allusions clearer
and more coherent and make more of an impact on your
readers), and if you're starting out it doesn't hurt to read
all sorts of poetry until you can critique stuff you like and
nail the mechanisms and approaches that make it great,
while working on developing your own unique, effective style.

Give it a shot and see if you can put the (not so enjoyable!)
ideas to use, all good poetry is created by headache and
well-examined heartache I think Good luck.

rebeldiamond

barney1 wrote: »

I like this. The imagery works for me. I could be way off but to me it speaks of depression. The contrasting imagery of light and darkness suggests bouts of sadness and happiness.

Hi Barney!
Thanks so much for reading my poem, I am so sorry I didnt get back to you sooner. I just love what you saw & said when you read the poem. You totally 'got-it' and hit the nail on the head! Depression is definetly a very strong influence on this poem & the light/dark contrast was indeed meant to suggest contrasting & opposite emotions!
I am so glad that you took the time to reply, thanks a million, you made my day!! x

rebeldiamond

Intothesea wrote: »

Hello there. I think it might be worth focussing in on some
theoretical statements of what makes good poetry good to
you, and good in general (i.e. generally admired though not
necessarily generally loved). Meter and rhyme can be impor
-tant (in that respect your poem would make a good song
lyric as it is I think), but a key feature is the expression of
authentic feeling that can move your readers, and still be
true to you.

Do you think this poem can be felt by the general reader,
could someone without your specific experiences/feelings
tune in to it and move with it, does it tend towards the
universal by being specific? I think the advice here already
is very useful (formulate your thoughts and scope out what
you feel about what you want to say before you write, this
will help keep your imagery and references/allusions clearer
and more coherent and make more of an impact on your
readers), and if you're starting out it doesn't hurt to read
all sorts of poetry until you can critique stuff you like and
nail the mechanisms and approaches that make it great,
while working on developing your own unique, effective style.

Give it a shot and see if you can put the (not so enjoyable!)
ideas to use, all good poetry is created by headache and
well-examined heartache I think Good luck.

Hi Intothesea!
Thanks a million for all your advice! I really do appreciate it, as I dont show my poems to many people so I do rely on the comments here. You made many good points especially about whether anyone who hasnt shared the same experiences as me could understand it. That has made me think and will definetly influence my future writing. I will definetly refer back to this for ideas as I continue to write- so thanks again!
Thanks for the encouragement too, I hope to post some more here soon & I'd love if you see them, to let me know what you think?
Take care & talk again! x

Matt Holck

rebeldiamond wrote: »

Reflection Of My Soul

Floating through life, blind to see.
Scared of that haunting reflection of me.
Thoughts so far above the clouds and sky.
Are wonders & dreams able to fly?

Unable to see past the pain.
Clouds burst into amazing rain.
Taking away the fears one by one.
And for a while it’s all gone.

But in the dark black night,
When I'm frozen & unable to fight,
I sense a shadow and it turns me cold.
When I see the reflection of my soul.

Are wonders & dreams able to fly?
yes, the brain can imagine things in a volume

I'm usually please when I read something I had forgotten

Matt Holck

Intothesea wrote: »

theoretical statements make good poetry Meter and rhyme make a good song
authentic feeling move your readers and are true to you.
Can the general reader without the poets specific experiences/feelings tune in move with the poem?
does being specific invoke the universal?

I did that for my understanding

lmtduffy

You have to be more conscience of whether your writing for yourself or a audience,

this seems like a poem you wrote for yourself.

It is a recording of your emotion rather than your actual experience,
and that is what makes it harder to relate to.

Maybe take a step back and try writing about for example what lead to you feeling like this.

I find with writers starting out regardless of age,
theyre first few poems are often written for themselves and are primarily cathartic.

This is good and should be done as its healthy as it also lets you develop style and mess with different mechanism, but it wont really be until you make the jump to write for audiences that people will begin to connect and truly care for your poem.

But in saying that there is a market for everything,

either way keep writing.

Forsaken1

Guys check out the Irish Poet Denis J Mahon on
http://www.writersstories.com