Doubts about gf

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Heres the thing, we've only started going out recently and work in different parts of the country, meeting up at the weekends. Its being going fine so far, only this week shes been off work so went out alot with friends from her home area. Firstly didn't hear from her for a few days which i thought was unusual for her, i've been up the walls with work and quite stressed lately so have to admit I'm partially at fault for that. Her last few messages on the Tuesday nite (late + drunken) were about how she thought I wasn't interested (which i am) etc...

She rang today like nothing happened but she was suppost to be coming up today but made no mention of it. Firstly she said she lost her phone tuesday nite while texting and only got it replaced today which is fair enough. Secondly she said shes been drinking heavily and doing alot of drugs over the last few days. While I admit I drink a fair bit when I go out, the drugs thing came as a complete shock. She mentioned this was at a house party of someone her friend worked with, not anybody she knows.

Maybe I'm overreacting a little bit but shes never been anything like that when we've been together. I'm moving home soon for a few months which is close to where she is but after what she's said I'm starting to have doubts about staying going out with her. I cant get it outa my head that shes been with someone else the last few days even though I've absolutely no reason to think that. I think i'm feeling that because there's a good chance she didn't have a clue what she was doing and behaviour is so unlike the person I know.

I haven't said any of this to her but she picked up that i was off. Just wondering about your thoughts on all of this??

Thanks!

MagicMarker

Personally, i couldn't be with someone who drinks themself stupid and does drugs... A moderate drinker who maybe smokes some weed on occassion i could probably handle, but anything more than that i have no time for.

Doctor DooM

What type of drugs? In this day and age, alot of people barely consider weed a drug.

However, abuse of any substance is still abuse. I would feel exactly like you do, OP.

LegacyUser

Thats it magicmarker, she never gets like that when we go out together and I really enjoy her company. I'm thinking now that it might be because we only have a short time together and I'm worried that'll change when we're closer together. It's not that I've a big problem with people who get really messy...it's just that I dont like it in a gf. I don't know about bringing it up... I know I'd freak if someone told me what I should and shouldn't so!

LegacyUser

Weed, pills, and cocaine... a fair amount from what I gather. Yeah wouldn't be too bothered if it was just weed. Have experemented too but it was done in a "safe" way if possibe and never really took enough to have any effect. But again I'm only going on what she says so she might be overstating the effects.

MCMLXXXIII

Sometimes you just need to put it on the "Worth-It Scale."

Is she worth it?

I don't know the girl, or the whole situation. People on drugs are great in the sack, but you always feel guilty after.
Is it worth the money, the time, or you feeling left out when she's doing that stuff with her friends? Will she get you into it?
It seems like you are looking for a little more than some casual fun. Is that they kind of person you want to make a family with?

The main question I usually ask myself: If they don't care about themselves enough to even take care of their bodies, then how can they possibly care about me?

John_Mc

She's still the same person she was before she told you this, so I don't see why it should be a problem for you. Obviously, it would be different if she was doing them in your company and it made you feel uncomfortable.

Smellyirishman

John_Mc wrote: »

She's still the same person she was before she told you this, so I don't see why it should be a problem for you. Obviously, it would be different if she was doing them in your company and it made you feel uncomfortable.

Eh, they only started going out recently, you think you know everything about a person the first time you meet them? He wasn't aware that she was into drugs, now he is aware and it changes his opinion of her. Problem.

OP, wait until you can get some more details on what transpired before you make any rash decisions, ask her about it.

MagicMarker

John_Mc wrote: »

She's still the same person she was before she told you this, so I don't see why it should be a problem for you. Obviously, it would be different if she was doing them in your company and it made you feel uncomfortable.

By that logic, what if she tells the OP she is a thief, or a cheat, or has a sexually transmitted disease?

John_Mc

Smellyirishman wrote: »

Eh, they only started going out recently, you think you know everything about a person the first time you meet them? He wasn't aware that she was into drugs, now he is aware and it changes his opinion of her. Problem.

OP, wait until you can get some more details on what transpired before you make any rash decisions, ask her about it.

Eh, he didn't just meet her for the first time, he's in a relationship with her regardless of how long for. That is long a long way off meeting for the first time.

I agree with you about asking her though. Personally, I wouldn't worry if it were weed or E but anything harder and I'd finish it.

MagicMarker wrote: »

By that logic, what if she tells the OP she is a thief, or a cheat, or has a sexually transmitted disease?

The logic would obviously change if it was something like that. I don't apply the same logic to every situation, do you?

In this particular case, he's in a relationship with her and has had no idea that she was doing drugs. From this, we can assume that she acts within the bounds of what he perceives to be normal.

It would be obvious within a day or two if she were on crack, smack, and probably cocaine (if you knew what to look for, but she wouldn't be pleasant to be around and you wouldn't be in a relationship with anyway).

LegacyUser

Well as someone who once did quite allot of partying and drug taking for kicks I have to say that this post is an interesting one. Now a days I don't do drugs but when I was , I had the most beautiful girlfriend ever. I am 27 but the way male, this was when I was 22. I will never forget attending electric picnic and me and this beautiful girlfriend of mine agreed to meet after whoever was playing at around 12pm. I was with my mates and had taken around 5 pills and by the time I was meant to meet her I was 2 hours late. She up to this point had never dated a drug taker. She forgave me but in the end the drugs won out, she dumped me and I was so heart broken by the time she had dumped me I need some counseling. So the fact is that if your girlfriend does drugs she is looking at life from a open minded false sense of herself which is fine as long as you get to know her 2 different personalities. I now look back and can see what it must be like to date a drug taker '****' springs to mind. You sound like a lovely bloke and I reckon as long as she is always honest with you (which drug takers are not) then love her and marry her etc etc.... If your heart tells you something else then go with that feeling before you are hurt. Remember if and when she hurts you she will not even know it herself and when she realizes this you will dump her and wonder 'why did I bother'???