need advice

kazzpop

Hi

how do you get someone to seek professional help about something that happened to them when they where younger.
Short version. My Partner was abused as a teenager. he nevers talks about it with anyone. he met his abuser recently and it brought back a flood of memories. I dont think he is coping very well. what to do for him ??? any suggestion ?

Miss Fluff

He should probably have a look at this website and maybe make an appointment to go and see them. www.oneinfour.ie

MysticalSoul

Unfortunately you can't get anyone to seek advice, all you can do is point them in the right direction. Are you getting support for yourself too, as a background of abuse can impact on both parties in a relationship. Have you asked him if he would consider therapy?

AARRRGH

irishamethyst wrote: »

Unfortunately you can't get anyone to seek advice, all you can do is point them in the right direction.

I agree.

An ex of mine suffered badly from the sexual abuse she had to put up with when she was growing up. It really damaged her.

I tried to get her to consider therapy, and was willing to pay for whatever system appealed to her, but she felt it wasn't for her.

This was many years ago. I have spoken to her since and she's a lot happier now. She never got therapy, but she came to peace with her past her own way.

The only thing you can do is be supportive and patient. It's their problem, and only they will choose when, if ever, they are going to get outside help.

I appreciate you love your partner and feel helpless/frustrated that you can't help your partner and (let's be honest) get the problems associated with the abuse out of your relationship, but you can't talk your partner into getting help.

kazzpop

thanks Miss fluff i will check out that web page and see what happens and take it from there!
irishamethyst: i am not getting any help myself- I just hope i am able to carry on. and keep things on a positive note.
dublindude- thanks for the advice and information I think theraphy might be a good idea for him- but i cant see him going - but maybe i would go myself and he might get the hint.

funny thing that i dont understand about it, he reported it to the guards but nothing was done about it- can you believe that? - really strange but then again that was back in 80s the guards must of been brainless then about abuse cases! Maybe brainless is not a good word- sorry to any one who is in guards hope i havent offended anyone

Talliesin

kazzpop wrote: »

i am not getting any help myself- I just hope i am able to carry on. and keep things on a positive note.

Not saying that you necessarily should, but it could help you if you did.

This is going to hurt you too. There's a danger of belittling how it does - by telling yourself that any upset you have is nothing compared to how it affects him. This isn't important though, what's important is keeping yourself okay as otherwise you won't be in a good position to help him.

kazzpop wrote: »

funny thing that i dont understand about it, he reported it to the guards but nothing was done about it- can you believe that?

Yes, I can easily believe that.

Unfortunately, even in cases where the authorities respond well it's not always likely enough that they'll be able to prove something beyond reasonable doubt for them to be able to take a case.

kazzpop

I dont know, what kind of help i would need. I dont know what he is thinking - i am worried that he might do something that we will both regret - is it possible to get the abuser sacked from this employement at the mo>>

Talliesin

kazzpop wrote: »

I dont know, what kind of help i would need.

Depends on how it affects you.

kazzpop wrote: »

is it possible to get the abuser sacked from this employement at the mo>>

Right now he is legally an innocent man who someone has bad things to say about. Until someone demonstrates otherwise, there isn't much you can legally do.