2007

homah_7ft · 2008-05-22 02:33:00

Wisped sun warming face raise, Sail soft downy dandelion, Wished moon duskish whisper, Drop deep to shy shimmered pool. Wing brushed air paint, Song feather skin light, Lost walls ivy ebb, Nest near the rain green hill.

22-05-2008 02:33AM

#1

homah_7ft

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Wisped sun warming face raise,
Sail soft downy dandelion,
Wished moon duskish whisper,
Drop deep to shy shimmered pool.

Wing brushed air paint,
Song feather skin light,
Lost walls ivy ebb,
Nest near the rain green hill.

0

Comments

#2 30-05-2008 11:05PM

redarmyblues

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Posts: 946

I think your poem has drowned,
In a shimmered pool of nouns.

0
#3 30-05-2008 11:17PM

Insect Overlord

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redarmyblues wrote: »

I think your poem has drowned,
In a shimmered pool of nouns.

Indeed, so seems it floundered,
leaving us readers astounded

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#4 31-05-2008 10:51AM

redarmyblues

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An Fhile wrote: »

Indeed, so seems it floundered,
leaving us readers astounded

May I submit advice, some words,
Try some adjectives and verbs.

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#5 31-05-2008 11:36AM

Insect Overlord

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redarmyblues wrote: »

May I submit advice, some words,
Try some adjectives and verbs.

and though you've used poetic license,
what's written here hardly suffices

0