You might be a copper if...

metman

This has been knocking around the net for a while, but its pretty spot on if you're in the job.....

You might be a copper if;

* You have the bladder capacity of five people.

* You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

* You believe that 75% of people are a waste of space.

* Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

* You call for a name check on anyone who is remotely friendly to you.

* Discussing dismemberment over dinner seems perfectly normal to you.

* You find humour in other peoples stupidity.

* You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

* You believe the government should require a license to reproduce.

* You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "God its quiet today".

* Whenever you phone someone, you ask them 'are you free to speak?'

* Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can track.

* You're the only sober person in the kebab house.

* You believe chocolate is a food group.

* Having alcohol at 7am seems perfectly normal.

* You have ever wanted to hold a seminar called "Suicide, getting it right the first time".

* You believe "too stupid to live" should be a valid court outcome.

* When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to a food group.

* You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

* Your prisoner says "I've no idea how I got here" and neither have you.

* You end normal conversations with loved ones with Received or Acknowledged.

* You walk down the street looking at people as potential criminal intelligence submissions.

* You believe the carpet bombing of certain areas of your beat is a viable alternative to policing.

* You believe that some crimes can be sorted out with a damn good kicking.

* Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

* You are the only person you know who ever uses the word 'liaise'.

* Your partner tells you off for walking with your hands held together behind your back.

* At least once every working day you use the phrase, "The job's f*cked!"

* You regularly say, "With all due respect, Sir" but mean nothing of the sort.

* You have a nose finely tuned to the smells of cannabis, decomposition and stale body odour.

* You think Monday is the best night to go into town for a drink with your mates.

* You nodded and laughed at all of the above, and realised what a f*cked up bunch we all are

Eru

Im clearly not right in the head!

yayamark

oh i laughed

when herself asks me a question and i agree with her i answer "roger" or if she wants to talk to me i say"go ahead with your message"

I dont say this for the crack but just cos i'm used to saying it.

She obivously hates it:mad:

or if im on a dual carraige way and i over take a car i have to look at the driver just to see if i know him.? wtf ?

loads more just cant think of them now.

angelfire9

Brilliant, absolutely classic!

FGR

Thank God I'm not the only one who understood all of it!

Victor

You know you deal with cops two much if:

You give a woman your name and date of birth instead of your phone number.

TheNog

Holy **** its so true. I do and say all of that. I can't walk down the street without giving everyone a good 2-3 second stare to see if I know them!!!!

angelfire9

There's a copy of this going up in the rec room of a certain station today, have to say i thought this was very good, showed it to a few cops who thought so too! Cheers Metman

metman

angelfire9 wrote: »

There's a copy of this going up in the rec room of a certain station today, have to say i thought this was very good, showed it to a few cops who thought so too! Cheers Metman

No worries mate :pac: Same job, same cops, no matter where you are!

angelfire9

metman wrote: »

No worries mate :pac: Same job, same cops, no matter where you are!

Roger that

congo_90

Victor wrote: »

You know you deal with cops two much if:

You give a woman your name and date of birth instead of your phone number.

haha so true! i done this not too recently!