Just for fun : WWJD

Blitzkrieger

What Would J00 Do?

There's this girl at work and it occurred to me today that she might be lonely. She's kind of an external contractor and a while ago her office was moved to a very isolated area. I never see her in the canteen or even chatting to anyone. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes to work, talks to nobody, eats lunch and goes home at the end of the day hating the place. I've already decided not to, but I was considering going down and asking her if she wanted to go for a cup of coffee and a chat. There was so many reasons not to.....

For starters, she'd probably think I was coming on to her. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crisps*, but there's just no rush of blood to the head when I see her. What would be worse than her thinking I was coming on to her and making it clear she's not interested, would be if she wanted me to come on to her (stranger things have happened). I've actually been in that situation before and trying to explain to an attractive girl why you don't want to ask them out without digging yourself into a hole or making them feel unattractive is a nightmare.

It would be very hard to get across the message that I just wanted to go for a chat. I mean, if it was a guy, it'd be easier, but there'd still be potential pitfalls. A strange guy asking you to go for a coffee out of the blue? The solution if it was a guy would be to bring a few of the lads and say "let's give Frank a call too". Because it's a girl, this solution would probably be even worse than me going on my own. The lads would immediately think I fancied her, but, well, **** 'em. The thing is, how weird would it be to have a group of lads suddenly turn up in your office wanting to go for coffee......

There's so many ways that could end badly, somebody must have run afoul of a similar situation before. So anybody got any good stories where you were just trying to be friendly and it ended up in hilarity/embarrassment/lawsuits for all?




















*Unless they were cheese and onion. I can't stand people's breath after eating cheese and onion Taytos. That would be a second bookable offense along with the crumbs on the sheets....

StormWarrior

Why don't you and a female friend invite her together?

Uh, give her some loaves and fishes?

/just read title.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

rape her

chopperbyrne

Stop worrying and just go and be friendly and say that it must suck being isolated like that and ask her to join everyone for lunch.

Rb

Mordances with wolves wrote: »

rape her

In the ass?

javaboy

More rape jokes eh? There was a thread in TLL complaining about the rape jokes in AH. The OP said it left a nasty taste in her mouth but a mod was banning people for childish jokes so I had to let it slide. Damn.

Anyway back on topic.

Defenestrate

Send a singogram bloke to ask her for coffee instead.

elmolesto

rb_ie wrote: »

In the ass?

:D:D

joeybloggs

Mordances with wolves wrote: »

rape her

Thats the kind of quality advice which is lacking in PI, tally Ho AH!!!

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

'do you do you like it
is it is it wicked'

biko

World wide Jack Daniels.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smile and say good monring?! If taht ends in a sexual harrassment suit, then the country really is going to hell and thank Joo I'm leaving it.

Voodu Child

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

She's kind of an external contractor and a while ago her office was moved to a very isolated area.

Isolated area, eh?

/strokes chin...

Rb

javaboy wrote: »

More rape jokes eh? There was a thread in TLL complaining about the rape jokes in AH. The OP said it left a nasty taste in her mouth but a mod was banning people for childish jokes so I had to let it slide. Damn.

Anyway back on topic.

F*ck TLL tbh.

Rb

Mordances with wolves wrote: »

'do you do you like it
is it is it wicked'

Ah Dj pied piper, where did it all go wrong...

BKtje

Stop worrying and just go and be friendly and say that it must suck being isolated like that and ask her to join everyone for lunch.

Next time you go into the canteen with a few friends, ask her if you'd like to join all of you. Happens to everyone where i work on their first day so no one feels left out and alone. I know it made my first few weeks much easier instead of sitting by my lonesome.

Blitzkrieger

chopperbyrne wrote: »

Stop worrying and just go and be friendly and say that it must suck being isolated like that and ask her to join everyone for lunch.

Then I'd go from having a few of the lads taking the piss thinking I fancy her to the entire canteen thinking I fancy her. It'd be nice if I could just go talk to her and say : "Maybe I've got the wrong impression, but you seem a bit isolated here, would you like to go grab a coffee?", but I don't think I could do that without her thinking :

A : What kind of sad/despeate/creepy guy is this?
B : What kind of billy-no-mates loser does he think I am?
or possibly even
C : Woo! - Rapist!

I really didn't want to turn this into a PI. Somebody must have made a fool of themselves in a similar situation before so I was thinking there must be some funny stories out there....

c - 13

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Then I'd go from having a few of the lads taking the piss thinking I fancy her to the entire canteen thinking I fancy her. It'd be nice if I could just go talk to her and say : "Maybe I've got the wrong impression, but you seem a bit isolated here, would you like to go grab a coffee?", but I don't think I could do that without her thinking :

A : What kind of sad/despeate/creepy guy is this?
B : What kind of billy-no-mates loser does he think I am?
or possibly even
C : Woo! - Rapist!

I really didn't want to turn this into a PI. Somebody must have made a fool of themselves in a similar situation before so I was thinking there must be some funny stories out there....

Avoid asking the following questions and you'll be fine -

And where are the closest fire exits to your desk here ?
And do these locks on the doors work well ?
And are the walls here fairly sound proof ? Like could you listen to say a stereo on really high volume ?
Would you like to see my knob ?

:pac:

javaboy

You could try luring her to the canteen using pieces of candy. Like this only forwards:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd4bL6Mfj1I

Keano

I don't know if you have her email address but maybe copying her on a few funny mails you send to other colleagues? That way you are including her.

javaboy

Keano A Legend wrote: »

I don't know if you have her email address but maybe copying her on a few funny mails you send to other colleagues? That way you are including her.

Better yet, forward her the link to this thread.

Sherifu

Give her a taste of the one eyed snake. You know she wants it.

rb_ie

rb_ie wrote: »

In the ass?

Ass, ass, mouth and then ass. In that order.

Earthhorse

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Then I'd go from having a few of the lads taking the piss thinking I fancy her to the entire canteen thinking I fancy her.

Do you work with teenagers or something? The entire canteen will be thinking, "There's Blitzkrieger having lunch with that girl" at worst. More likely they'll be thinking, "Why is the canteen food so crappy?".

Don't know if it's a comparable situation but when a new girl joined our office I would ask her if she was going over to leaving dos or the pub on a Friday with the rest of the gang. She did work with us so it's not exactly the same.

How far is her desk from yours? Could you drop by with some lame excuse like you're looking for a copy of last Friday's Times or something? Then start chatting to her, get to know here a bit. It'll make chatting to her again that bit easier.

Rob_l

Earthhorse wrote: »

Do you work with teenagers or something? The entire canteen will be thinking, "There's Blitzkrieger having lunch with that girl" at worst. More likely they'll be thinking, "Why is the canteen food so crappy?".

Don't know if it's a comparable situation but when a new girl joined our office I would ask her if she was going over to leaving dos or the pub on a Friday with the rest of the gang. She did work with us so it's not exactly the same.

How far is her desk from yours? Could you drop by with some lame excuse like you're looking for a copy of last Friday's Times or something? Then start chatting to her, get to know here a bit. It'll make chatting to her again that bit easier.

Its a common misconception that people think about what other people are doing most people are too busy wondering what other people are thinking of them to think about what other people are doing its a mad circle madddddddddddddddddd

Earthhorse

[thinks]I wonder what Rob I thinks of my post. I mean, he quoted it in full so he must like it. But then, this is After Hours, he could be taking the piss. I don't know.

Right. That's it. I'm never inviting Rob I out for lunch again.[/thinks]

Kold

Mordances with wolves wrote: »

rape her

Don't let her have an abortion though. It's against God.

justsomebloke

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Then I'd go from having a few of the lads taking the piss thinking I fancy her to the entire canteen thinking I fancy her. It'd be nice if I could just go talk to her and say : "Maybe I've got the wrong impression, but you seem a bit isolated here, would you like to go grab a coffee?", but I don't think I could do that without her thinking :

A : What kind of sad/despeate/creepy guy is this?
B : What kind of billy-no-mates loser does he think I am?
or possibly even
C : Woo! - Rapist!

I really didn't want to turn this into a PI. Somebody must have made a fool of themselves in a similar situation before so I was thinking there must be some funny stories out there....

man just go down and ask her to have lunch with eevryone. I have meet you in person so I can tell you the chances of her falling for you are pretty low:D. Ye the lads will take the piss out of you for a short while (been there had it done to me) but at the end of the day you can help brighten up somebody's day by just being nice.

However if it turns out shes a nutter then you a screwed but then again the other lads maybe enjoy her company and one of them may end up hitting on her.

i71jskz5xu42pb

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

Then I'd go from having a few of the lads taking the piss thinking I fancy her to the entire canteen thinking I fancy her. It'd be nice if I could just go talk to her and say : "Maybe I've got the wrong impression, but you seem a bit isolated here, would you like to go grab a coffee?",(good, stop thinking at this point) but I don't think I could do that without her thinking :

A : What kind of sad/despeate/creepy guy is this?
B : What kind of billy-no-mates loser does he think I am?
or possibly even
C : Woo! - Rapist!

I really didn't want to turn this into a PI. Somebody must have made a fool of themselves in a similar situation before so I was thinking there must be some funny stories out there....

You're totally over thinking this. Grow a pair, don't worry about what anybody else thinks, ask her for a coffee - she'll hardly spit in your face.

Dinter

If you really, really care about how she's settling in there's a very easy way to sort it for her.

It’ll take a bit of time but it’ll be worth it.

First of all for the next four weeks stop shaving one side of your face. Make sure you stop bathing and brushing your teeth as well. Get a pair of thick shades and wear them constantly in the office no matter whether it’s sunny or snowing outside.

When you get home tonight burst the fly on every pair of trousers you own so that you can walk around the office with a bit of your shirt hanging out the front. Obviously stop washing your clothes as well. Get yourself to a charity shop and buy the biggest pair of boots you can find that’ll allow you to tuck your trousers in at the top and make sure you never tie them up.

Find a phrase you like the sound of and repeat it constantly to yourself as you stomp around the office. Make a habit of scratching your arms intensely every 5 seconds while laughing aloud at nothing.

After three weeks of this start following her around. Wait for her at the lifts. At all times make sure you’ve about 20 euro worth of change in your pockets that you can jangle as you go. Ensure that she dreads the sound of your snuffling breathing and foetid smell wobbling towards her.

Soon everyone else in the office will be so nervous for her safety that they’ll ensure she’s never left by herself and your work will be done.

passive

Dinter wrote: »

If you really, really care about how she's settling in there's a very easy way to sort it for her.

It’ll take a bit of time but it’ll be worth it.

First of all for the next four weeks stop shaving one side of your face. Make sure you stop bathing and brushing your teeth as well. Get a pair of thick shades and wear them constantly in the office no matter whether it’s sunny or snowing outside.

When you get home tonight burst the fly on every pair of trousers you own so that you can walk around the office with a bit of your shirt hanging out the front. Obviously stop washing your clothes as well. Get yourself to a charity shop and buy the biggest pair of boots you can find that’ll allow you to tuck your trousers in at the top and make sure you never tie them up.

Find a phrase you like the sound of and repeat it constantly to yourself as you stomp around the office. Make a habit of scratching your arms intensely every 5 seconds while laughing aloud at nothing.

After three weeks of this start following her around. Wait for her at the lifts. At all times make sure you’ve about 20 euro worth of change in your pockets that you can jangle as you go. Ensure that she dreads the sound of your snuffling breathing and foetid smell wobbling towards her.

Soon everyone else in the office will be so nervous for her safety that they’ll ensure she’s never left by herself and your work will be done.

This is probably brilliant advice... I'll meditate over it some more until I can divine your hidden words.

monkeyfudge

Dinter wrote: »

If you really, really care about how she's settling in there's a very easy way to sort it for her.

It’ll take a bit of time but it’ll be worth it.

First of all for the next four weeks stop shaving one side of your face. Make sure you stop bathing and brushing your teeth as well. Get a pair of thick shades and wear them constantly in the office no matter whether it’s sunny or snowing outside.

When you get home tonight burst the fly on every pair of trousers you own so that you can walk around the office with a bit of your shirt hanging out the front. Obviously stop washing your clothes as well. Get yourself to a charity shop and buy the biggest pair of boots you can find that’ll allow you to tuck your trousers in at the top and make sure you never tie them up.

Find a phrase you like the sound of and repeat it constantly to yourself as you stomp around the office. Make a habit of scratching your arms intensely every 5 seconds while laughing aloud at nothing.

After three weeks of this start following her around. Wait for her at the lifts. At all times make sure you’ve about 20 euro worth of change in your pockets that you can jangle as you go. Ensure that she dreads the sound of your snuffling breathing and foetid smell wobbling towards her.

Soon everyone else in the office will be so nervous for her safety that they’ll ensure she’s never left by herself and your work will be done.

Have you given that advice out to other people before? As I'm pretty sure I have one or two following that course of action in work here.

GhostInTheRuins

Dinter wrote: »

If you really, really care about how she's settling in there's a very easy way to sort it for her.

It’ll take a bit of time but it’ll be worth it.

First of all for the next four weeks stop shaving one side of your face. Make sure you stop bathing and brushing your teeth as well. Get a pair of thick shades and wear them constantly in the office no matter whether it’s sunny or snowing outside.

When you get home tonight burst the fly on every pair of trousers you own so that you can walk around the office with a bit of your shirt hanging out the front. Obviously stop washing your clothes as well. Get yourself to a charity shop and buy the biggest pair of boots you can find that’ll allow you to tuck your trousers in at the top and make sure you never tie them up.

Find a phrase you like the sound of and repeat it constantly to yourself as you stomp around the office. Make a habit of scratching your arms intensely every 5 seconds while laughing aloud at nothing.

After three weeks of this start following her around. Wait for her at the lifts. At all times make sure you’ve about 20 euro worth of change in your pockets that you can jangle as you go. Ensure that she dreads the sound of your snuffling breathing and foetid smell wobbling towards her.

Soon everyone else in the office will be so nervous for her safety that they’ll ensure she’s never left by herself and your work will be done.

Lol. That's ****ing hilarious

Earthhorse

Dinter wrote: »

If you really, really care about how she's settling in there's a very easy way to sort it for her.

It’ll take a bit of time but it’ll be worth it.

First of all for the next four weeks stop shaving one side of your face. Make sure you stop bathing and brushing your teeth as well. Get a pair of thick shades and wear them constantly in the office no matter whether it’s sunny or snowing outside.

When you get home tonight burst the fly on every pair of trousers you own so that you can walk around the office with a bit of your shirt hanging out the front. Obviously stop washing your clothes as well. Get yourself to a charity shop and buy the biggest pair of boots you can find that’ll allow you to tuck your trousers in at the top and make sure you never tie them up.

Find a phrase you like the sound of and repeat it constantly to yourself as you stomp around the office. Make a habit of scratching your arms intensely every 5 seconds while laughing aloud at nothing.

After three weeks of this start following her around. Wait for her at the lifts. At all times make sure you’ve about 20 euro worth of change in your pockets that you can jangle as you go. Ensure that she dreads the sound of your snuffling breathing and foetid smell wobbling towards her.

Soon everyone else in the office will be so nervous for her safety that they’ll ensure she’s never left by herself and your work will be done.

To be honest, this is good advice for any social situation.

rb_ie

rb_ie wrote: »

In the ass?

No.In the ladies lounge!

El Weirdo

Mordances with wolves wrote: »

rape her

rb_ie wrote: »

In the ass?

Twice.

Dinter

monkeyfudge wrote: »

Have you given that advice out to other people before? As I'm pretty sure I have one or two following that course of action in work here.

Funny I actually pretty much described one of the lads who "works" here handing out the post.

He's the strangest fella that ever touched himself in public.

Blitzkrieger

Apart from the boots that describes me perfectly....

GhostInTheRuins

So WDBD?

Kinetic^

el_weirdo wrote: »

Twice.

......using only fingerbang!!!

Faith

Have you actually chatted to her before? If you haven't, locate her, introduce yourself and ask her a few things about herself. Get her chatting and relaxed. After a while, you can mention how it can be a bit hard to get to know people in the company, and if she'd like, you can introduce to some folk over coffee.

pickarooney

Form a band, ask her if she plays bass.

Blitzkrieger

Or the flute?

Jebus - it's all a PI. I've already said I'm going to do **** all for fear of creating an embarassing situation. Where's the funny stuff? I just remembered in an old job, my replacement thought I was asking her out on a date when I asked her if she wanted to get a cup of coffee. I actually wanted her to **** off for five minutes so I could make a personal phone call without her hearing. I'm not good at that communication lark.....

RonMexico

Ask her is she comfortable and would she like a cup of tea? The ask her how is her bra? Then tell her to take off the auld bra while you make a cup of tea.

chuci

javaboy wrote: »

You could try luring her to the canteen using pieces of candy. Like this only forwards:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pd4bL6Mfj1I

if that doesnt work i dont know what will.