only fun when drinking

LegacyUser

Hi, I just thought Id post this up to see if anyone else is the same. Im a typical bloke in my mid 20s, I go drinking at the weekend , and drink as much as anyone else in this country but I work and do training during the week. My problem is when it comes to women I am quiet boring when talking to them. Not with boring stories or anything but more with having not much to say. I dont come across as nervous or shy or anything just a small bit quiet.

The thing is after a good few drinks I really get into the swing of things and can be very charming, good fun and flirty with women. I surprise myself on some nights out if theres a girl or two around me and I have them in tears laughing because I know I couldnt be like that when sober.(I know I come across as cocky here but I just wanna explain the difference)
Because of this I dont have too much trouble scoring or anything but if I ever meet them again sober I dont have much to say. It is genuinely not from shyness but Im just not that chatty. I tend not to even talk about the things Im interested in. I'll ask a few questions but if they are kinda quiet as well Im screwed. I end up just having small talk and on a whole I feel they lose interest in me.

I really do feel like that character from friends funbobby. Overall this is why I prefer to meet more chatty women, so I can let them do the talking and bring up conversations.I find it very tough to be really chatty pr funny unless I know them really really well.
I guess the reason Im posting this is just to see can anyone relate to this or has any advice.
thanks

togster

Yup i can relate OP. The thing you have to realise is that alot of people act this way. I used to often feel like you do when you meet after a night out. The thing is often they also have the same feelings!! It's not the alcohol that makes you more charming, rather it lowers your inhibitions, i.e. you don't care what people think. Well it's that way for me anyway.

Nowadays i just be myself and fcuk what people think.

Overheal

I think we've all been there at some stage. My problem is though I often find myself not being able to afford drink so I usually have to fall back on my stunning good looks or my wit and natural charm. All of which are in short enough supply but if you macguyver any bit of that with a piece of shoestring and practice at it, it becomes easier to do.

c - 13

I'm like you a bit. I'm a real sarcastic **** (in a fun jokey way, not a malicious way) and it get worse when I drink. I can be really witty and sharp with a few beers. Couldn't do it when I was sober.

BUT, I worked out why I couldn't, a lot of the jokes/wit were potentially offensive so when sober I thought "****, better not say that I might offend him/her", with drink lowered inhibitions so i'd say what ever I felt like.

So, I started doing the same thing when sober, not caring if someone got offended etc. Thats going on a long time now, I haven't offended one person and have a better time. I think I was just a bit too uptight and worried about offending before or something.

RedXIV

a VERY common problem OP and one that will actually require conscious effort. But once you do get over it, you'll wonder why you ever suffered from it before.

It is, as togster said, about inhibitions rather than alcohol fuelled charm. But all you need to notice is that while your small talk is very politically correct and you're probably not stepping on anyones toes, people LIKE to debate, they LIKE to talk about things not strictly above board and they especially like doing it with people who are confident about what they are talking about.

Do not be afraid to take the plunge, the only difference is you're going to be more aware of your surroundings and as a result you should be able to amplfy your abilities.

Hope this helps
Red

togster

RedXIV wrote: »

a VERY common problem OP and one that will actually require conscious effort. But once you do get over it, you'll wonder why you ever suffered from it before.

It is, as togster said, about inhibitions rather than alcohol fuelled charm. But all you need to notice is that while your small talk is very politically correct and you're probably not stepping on anyones toes, people LIKE to debate, they LIKE to talk about things not strictly above board and they especially like doing it with people who are confident about what they are talking about.

Do not be afraid to take the plunge, the only difference is you're going to be more aware of your surroundings and as a result you should be able to amplfy your abilities.

Hope this helps
Red

Very true. It's about taking that first step and you will look back and wonder why you thought it was so difficult.

LegacyUser

cheers for the replies, at least its common. Dont get me wrong I understand that people are different when they are drunk but I just hate the way I have very little to say, just stupid things like "oh im tired" ,etc.

I think the best thing for me to do is to make a mental note of the type of things I say when drinking that make me this more 'fun' person, and try and say the same things when sober.

LegacyUser

I'm the very same as you OP, but what I hate is when I'm left on my own with another person. If I'm in a group of 3 or 4, I'm grand, but if everyone else goes smoking/toilet/bed or whatever, I just can't make conversation with just one other person. I hate small talk, it just seems so pointless to me and it bores me. Sometimes I do try make small talk to break the silence, but it's so obvious that I am just trying to break the silence and not genuineley interested in the answer. So what often happens when left with someone else is we sit in silence for a few minutes and then one of us leaves. It annoys me so much, I wish conversation could just flow like it does with most other people.

RedXIV

fun_bobby wrote: »

I think the best thing for me to do is to make a mental note of the type of things I say when drinking that make me this more 'fun' person, and try and say the same things when sober.

If you figure out how to remember stuff when you're twisted, post it up here. i never remember what i'm talking about with a few in me

smltlkr wrote: »

I'm the very same as you OP, but what I hate is when I'm left on my own with another person. If I'm in a group of 3 or 4, I'm grand, but if everyone else goes smoking/toilet/bed or whatever, I just can't make conversation with just one other person. I hate small talk, it just seems so pointless to me and it bores me. Sometimes I do try make small talk to break the silence, but it's so obvious that I am just trying to break the silence and not genuineley interested in the answer. So what often happens when left with someone else is we sit in silence for a few minutes and then one of us leaves. It annoys me so much, I wish conversation could just flow like it does with most other people.

If you can't do small talk, then talk about something your passionate about. OR something you know will start an interesting debate. (thats not the same as an arguement). Small talk can be painful at the best of times. I usually find swapping stories goes down well in one on one conversations.