she cant decide!!!!!!!!

TURRICAN

hello people
i have a problem with my girlfriend,i found her to be txting her x.
i had to find out for myself.she denyned everything and told me if i keep asking her questions i know where the door is.she also said i dont have to answer your questions,because we were on a break.
i eventually got it out of her theat she has feelings for the x and for me,i dont think this is right.
i am waiting to see who is she going to pick like an eejit.
the other fella is her x and is a waster who spends his time drinking the whole time.he has been txting and ringing her when i have been beside her and she wont answer the phone or tell him to go.she said that she had been asked out by him and she refused but she has feelings for him.
its gone to the stage where i dont know what to do and its hurting me.
i think she has control over me and im only seeing it now.
she dosent get to see the x much...not that im aware just by txt and calls.or if she goes to the pub where he lives,while im at home minding our daughter.
what do i need to tell her ?
thanks

Sherifu

Sit her down and ask her what's going on. It's not fair to you. She's not showing you any respect.

TURRICAN

Sherifu wrote: »

Sit her down and ask her what's going on. It's not fair to you. She's not showing you any respect.

ive asked her but i dont think she is being honest.she does not like me asking her questions,i gather im not good enough for an answer

Rowley Birkin QC

My gf texts her ex the odd time, but as in your case he is a complete waster, doesn't bother me in the slightest to be honest. He is the epitomy of a waste of space and I'm comfortable enough to take it. Pity texts don't count for much.

However if she was meeting up with him it would be a different story, just talk to her about it is the only course of action really.

TURRICAN

bigkev49 wrote: »

My gf texts her ex the odd time, but as in your case he is a complete waster, doesn't bother me in the slightest to be honest. He is the epitomy of a waste of space and I'm comfortable enough to take it. Pity texts don't count for much.

However if she was meeting up with him it would be a different story, just talk to her about it is the only course of action really.

thanks bigkev
she said nothing is going on if she is meeting him what action does one take?

RedXIV

TURRICAN wrote: »

or if she goes to the pub where he lives,while im at home minding our daughter.
what do i need to tell her ?
thanks

Point out she has alot of responsibility here with a daughter involved and she needs to cop on to herself. Don't let her use you as a doormat and tell her blunty, you're not waiting around for her to make a decision. She can embrace her family or suffer the concequences of going after a waster

TURRICAN

RedXIV wrote: »

Point out she has alot of responsibility here with a daughter involved and she needs to cop on to herself. Don't let her use you as a doormat and tell her blunty, you're not waiting around for her to make a decision. She can embrace her family or suffer the concequences of going after a waster

thanks
she is using me as a doormat but at the back of it all i still have love for her because i know she is making a mistake.i want to point this out to her but she shuts me out.how can i get past that?

monkeytronics

OP,

You need to sit her down and again and try to force (not physically) a mature conversation on the topic. You need to let her know how she's making you feel by her actions.

At the end of the day, the only way to get her to choose you is in the actions that you do - you need to ensure that you treat her right and appreciate her. Its not about the other guy.

IF you treat her the way she should be treated and be the best you can toward her and she messes you around & chooses the other guy, then its her loss in big way (particularly if the other guy is such a waster). Life is too short, you need to make sure you're as happy as possible.

best of luck

c - 13

You cant, she'll only see the issue when she wants to acknowledge it. If she's convinced everything is peachy then shes going to continue that way and not see anything wrong with what she's doing.

The kid is yours ? If it werent for that i'd advise you up and leave even though you may still care for her, she has no respect for you (or possibly your daughter) and only thinks for herself.

What do you think is going to happen if she does decide she wants her ex ? She's going to up and off with your kid to her ex.

Its a tough situation man and I sympathise, but you really need to make yourself heard here. The child complicates matters, otherwise i'd recommend you offski.

kryogen

do not wait around for someone else to decide the course of your life or happiness, dont give her an ultimatum but let her know that you are not prepared to put your life on hold for much longer and tell her to take some time now to decide what she really wants, you say she has feelings? you dont say you are in love....sorry, i need to go to work unfortunatly so i cant be much help right now, i have experience in this though so ill check back later!

RedXIV

TURRICAN wrote: »

thanks
she is using me as a doormat but at the back of it all i still have love for her because i know she is making a mistake.i want to point this out to her but she shuts me out.how can i get past that?

You can't. being honest, c - 13 stated it best, until she realises, she's not going to ackowledge it. In your situation, i'd be doing everything in my power to make sure custody of my daughter would be staying with me. Get your own life together and make it as good for you and your daughter as you can. The ex is a waster so he obviously won't have as much to offer. after that, you're simply waiting for your gf to wake up and realise what's she's doing

TURRICAN

monkeytronics wrote: »

OP,

You need to sit her down and again and try to force (not physically) a mature conversation on the topic. You need to let her know how she's making you feel by her actions.

At the end of the day, the only way to get her to choose you is in the actions that you do - you need to ensure that you treat her right and appreciate her. Its not about the other guy.

IF you treat her the way she should be treated and be the best you can toward her and she messes you around & chooses the other guy, then its her loss in big way (particularly if the other guy is such a waster). Life is too short, you need to make sure you're as happy as possible.

best of luck

thanks
if i tell her how i feel does that make me weak as it deeply saddens me ,i try to hold back the tears then i loose control of what i was trying to say.she sees that and then tries to change the subject

TURRICAN

c - 13 wrote: »

You cant, she'll only see the issue when she wants to acknowledge it. If she's convinced everything is peachy then shes going to continue that way and not see anything wrong with what she's doing.

The kid is yours ? If it werent for that i'd advise you up and leave even though you may still care for her, she has no respect for you (or possibly your daughter) and only thinks for herself.

What do you think is going to happen if she does decide she wants her ex ? She's going to up and off with your kid to her ex.

Its a tough situation man and I sympathise, but you really need to make yourself heard here. The child complicates matters, otherwise i'd recommend you offski.

child is mine yeah shes on her way up here now so i have to go .thanks for all replies and il post laterwhen i get a chance

TURRICAN

kryogen wrote: »

do not wait around for someone else to decide the course of your life or happiness, dont give her an ultimatum but let her know that you are not prepared to put your life on hold for much longer and tell her to take some time now to decide what she really wants, you say she has feelings? you dont say you are in love....sorry, i need to go to work unfortunatly so i cant be much help right now, i have experience in this though so ill check back later!

ok laters

aidan24326

TURRICAN wrote: »

thanks
if i tell her how i feel does that make me weak as it deeply saddens me ,i try to hold back the tears then i loose control of what i was trying to say.she sees that and then tries to change the subject

You need to grow some balls. She will only treat you like a doormat if you allow her to. You know that yourself so it's up to you to take action.

I'd echo what c-13 said, if it wasn't for the child I'd be suggesting you head for the exit. She's taking the piss and you need to call her bluff maybe. Tell her if it's the waster ex she wants then off she goes, that you're not going to sit around like some puppy in a pet store waiting for her to decide. She sounds very immature and I'm guessing you're you're both young.

Collie D

Normally I hate when people say this but I'd have to say dump her. I understand that there's a kid involved but this is the 21st century. People don't have to stay around for the kids' sake anymore.

By waiting around gfor her to make a decision she is showing you no respect and you aren't exactly showing yourself much either. Kick her ass to the kerb.

c - 13

Collie D wrote: »

Normally I hate when people say this but I'd have to say dump her. I understand that there's a kid involved but this is the 21st century. People don't have to stay around for the kids' sake anymore.

By waiting around gfor her to make a decision she is showing you no respect and you aren't exactly showing yourself much either. Kick her ass to the kerb.

I agree with what your saying but even still in this day and age the mother still generally gets almost full custody and control of the child.

I'd be very cautious and only follow this avenue if all else is exhausted because she sounds like a sadistic bitch who'll go out of her way to make it tough on him to see the child.

davyjose

c - 13 wrote: »

I agree with what your saying but even still in this day and age the mother still generally gets almost full custody and control of the child.

I'd be very cautious and only follow this avenue if all else is exhausted because she sounds like a sadistic bitch who'll go out of her way to make it tough on him to see the child.

+1. It makes ME sick to think about it, never mind the OP. But her ex will have more involvement in the kids life.

My uncle hasn't seen his daughters in years, having been bad-mouthed by his ex to the point where they see him as a monster. I can vouch - he is not.

TURRICAN

davyjose wrote: »

+1. It makes ME sick to think about it, never mind the OP. But her ex will have more involvement in the kids life.

My uncle hasn't seen his daughters in years, having been bad-mouthed by his ex to the point where they see him as a monster. I can vouch - he is not.

thats what im afraid she is starting to do.

i told her anyway im walking away if she dosent put a stop to calling the x.
so now we are split.now she is being evil towards me,telling me that i turned my back on my daughter,but she was the one who asked for space in the first place and put me out of the house.and then to find out that shes txting her x,expects me to wait around for her to decide on who she wants to be with.

i dont think she taught i had the balls to walk away,anyway she gave me no choice but to walk away.
i dont know whats going to happen from here.

Fatloss08

op sad to say but women always like the wasters , the treat them mean keep them keen crap etc

as others said , dump her , the fact she's having uncertainty says it all , be the man and just say ok ive had enough cya

see what she does now , but even f u get back with her i dont think u can trust her

she hid the texts and calls at start so whos to say she wont do again being more cautious and it will play on ur mind

best of luck

MagicMarker

TURRICAN wrote: »

thats what im afraid she is starting to do.

i told her anyway im walking away if she dosent put a stop to calling the x.
so now we are split.now she is being evil towards me,telling me that i turned my back on my daughter,but she was the one who asked for space in the first place and put me out of the house.and then to find out that shes txting her x,expects me to wait around for her to decide on who she wants to be with.

i dont think she taught i had the balls to walk away,anyway she gave me no choice but to walk away.
i dont know whats going to happen from here.

You made the right decision. And i know it must have been tough with a child involved.

All you can do now is move on, don't get involved in any petty arguments.

TURRICAN

its very hard and its starting to show on me in work last week.and its only a new job ive started ,i dont kow if i should tell them in work whats happened or ???