Stuck In The Middle

LegacyUser

I'm sorry if this post is overly vague,

There are two people in my life who I am extremely close to for now im just calling them A & B, unfortunately over the past while their relationship has deteriorated. I would love for things to be back to normal with them but after so long (2-3 years) I cannot see it happening.

I told them that I did not want to get involved in their arguments but that I would be here to talk if they wanted to. B has been airing certain grievances which I would listen and nod to but give no real insight into as I just didnt have it.

A never really talked about the situation but recently came to me and asked if we could meet up so they could give their side of the story, which I agreed to and basically did the same listening intently that I would do with B. Anyway during that meeting A wasnt pleased with the fact I seemed uninvolved and felt that I was being unsupportive about the situation and wasnt helping to fix it. Its been about six weeks since that meeting and we havent spoken since eventhough we'd see each other every day.

Am I naive in thinking I can get away without being involved in their relationship problem as I dont have the answers, what should I do about someone who refuses to talk to me over this?

I guess I just want outside perspectives on this.

Oryx

Get A and B into the one room with you. Tell them they are adults, and they need to sort their own problems without you as mediator. You are their friend not their counsellor.

RedXIV

Oryx wrote: »

Get A and B into the one room with you. Tell them they are adults, and they need to sort their own problems without you as mediator. You are their friend not their counsellor.

+1
Def do this. And feel free to lay on a guilt trip saying that you are friends with both of them and friends don't do that to each other. This is not your fight so you're perfectly right not to get involved with either side

AARRRGH

Can you tell us if A and B are family, friends or colleagues?

LegacyUser

dublindude wrote: »

Can you tell us if A and B are family, friends or colleagues?

They are my parents

LegacyUser

dublindude wrote: »

Can you tell us if A and B are family, friends or colleagues?

Yeah, they are my parents, not that im a child or anything, im in my 20's

star-pants

That's not very fair of them to do that to you - I've had situations where I've fallen out with a friend, and our mutual friend would still be friends with both of us. I even go so far as to tell the mutual friend not to think bad of the other person just because I do.
Every friendship/relationship is separate, contains two people only -- they shouldn't drag you in to it. It's nice that you've listened but they shouldn't expect you to fix it. If they are both adults they should sort it themselves, not guilt trip you.

Unfortunately you'll have to say it to them - especially A - you've done nothing wrong. If they want to remain friends with you they need to understand that you're not in control of 'their' relationship

BlackMamba

I agree with star. It was wrong of your two friends to get you involved. It would have been fine if you knew one of the people but since you know both, it's a messy situation. To me, they are being very childish by getting you wrapped up in their problems.
If I was in your shoes, I'd sit both of them down and explain that it's gone too far. You love them both and would hate it if you had to choose between them.
FYI, if they actually do make you choose, that's your cue to walk away from both of them!
Hope this helps! Good luck!!:)

RedXIV

involved wrote: »

Yeah, they are my parents, not that im a child or anything, im in my 20's

ok i realise parents is something fairly big to tackle but you're still on the right track dealing with this. DON'T let either parent guilt trip you into thinking they are in the right, just lay down the law saying that if they love you as they should, they wouldn't put you in a position to choose

MIN2511

involved wrote: »

I'm sorry if this post is overly vague,

There are two people in my life who I am extremely close to for now im just calling them A & B, unfortunately over the past while their relationship has deteriorated. I would love for things to be back to normal with them but after so long (2-3 years) I cannot see it happening.

I told them that I did not want to get involved in their arguments but that I would be here to talk if they wanted to. B has been airing certain grievances which I would listen and nod to but give no real insight into as I just didnt have it.

A never really talked about the situation but recently came to me and asked if we could meet up so they could give their side of the story, which I agreed to and basically did the same listening intently that I would do with B. Anyway during that meeting A wasnt pleased with the fact I seemed uninvolved and felt that I was being unsupportive about the situation and wasnt helping to fix it. Its been about six weeks since that meeting and we havent spoken since eventhough we'd see each other every day.

Am I naive in thinking I can get away without being involved in their relationship problem as I dont have the answers, what should I do about someone who refuses to talk to me over this?

I guess I just want outside perspectives on this.

Hi, I am in a similar situation... Mine is so bad that when i speak to A i feel like am cheating on B and vice versa... I have put them in a room and they refused to get on... B especially is quite immatured and would not acknowledge A.
It's really difficult to stay away... I don't talk to B about A and vice versa but i talk about their argument to another friend C who understands how i feel.
Honestly untill they resolve their issues you would always be in the middle... Don't take sides though