slapped him

LegacyUser

last nite i had an argument with my o/h which resulted in me slappin him accross the face quite hard. the thing is, i know know its wrong but i dont feel much remorse yet as i am still angry at what he said and accused me of and he knows i broke up with my last bf because of his paranoia and insecurity and false accusations. i am worried now that i have some issues, probably anger management but i also don't know whats going to happen now as he was very drunk and obnoxiously playing loud music until 4 am while i was trying to sleep, so i told him to **** off. i think he might do that but we have been going out together for 3 yrs and its complicated. sorry for length i just dont no whats going to happen.

Kaldorn

dont think you should have hit him,but then again its only a slap,if he gave you a right hook it would be alot differnt...just apologise and tell him you wont do it again.something tells me you must be a bit of a flirt hense the insecurities of your two most recent partners,fill us in a bit more

do you love it?

Kaldorn wrote: »

dont think you should have hit him,but then again its only a slap,if he gave you a right hook it would be alot differnt...just apologise and tell him you wont do it again.something tells me you must be a bit of a flirt hense the insecurities of your two most recent partners,fill us in a bit more

there is a similiar thread somewhere else, it may be worth a read to the OP

AARRRGH

slapper023 wrote: »

i know know its wrong but i dont feel much remorse yet as i am still angry

If he had slapped you across the face "quite hard", how would you feel if the following day he didn't feel much remorse?

You need to apologise to him about this asap.

slapper023 wrote: »

i am worried now that i have some issues, probably anger management

Hitting your partner is always wrong. It doesn't mean you're a freak, but you really need to make sure this doesn't happen again.

slapper023 wrote: »

whats going to happen.

Talk to him. Be really apologetic. I'm sure he was being a dick but you were way out of order hitting him.

Tails142

If he was pretty drunk there's a fair chance he mightnt even remember it or wont think it was such a big deal.

A few weeks ago I apparently had a huge row with my girlfriend on the phone at about 3am. I was nursing a massive hangover the next day so only managed to pull myself together at about 6 or 7pm, not remembering much from the night before.

Anyway called up the misses and was chatting away grand. It was only a couple of days later that she said, "Are we going to ever talk about are argument the other night?", and I could only respond, "eh.... what argument?". Anyway, I got a good chuckle out of it but she couldnt really see the funny side.

So... thats my story anyway

IvyTheTerrible

Kaldorn wrote: »

dont think you should have hit him,but then again its only a slap,if he gave you a right hook it would be alot differnt...just apologise and tell him you wont do it again.something tells me you must be a bit of a flirt hense the insecurities of your two most recent partners,fill us in a bit more

How is it different? If he gave her a "slap", we would be calling him all the names under the sun.

I think you need to talk to him ASAP about this. Also you might need to deal with your anger issues.

RedXIV

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

How is it different? If he gave her a "slap", we would be calling him all the names under the sun.

I think you need to talk to him ASAP about this. Also you might need to deal with your anger issues.

These aren't necessarily anger issues, after all, everyone on the planet has only got so much of a temper until they lose it. my mam wouldn't think twice about giving me a slap when i was a kid but i'd hardly say she had anger issues.

But OP, you def need to address this. While i realise that you were pushed to the limits in this argument, you have raised the bar to a completely different level. He deserves an apology regardless of the issue at hand.

Also, ya might wanna have this discussion when he's sober. just a thought

pebblesjm

personally I don't think hitting your bf is ok in any circumstance, a relationship should be about mutual respect and slapping him is as out of order as if he slapped you, I understand that he wasn't showing you too much respect playing the music that loud etc but he deserves an apology and ya do chat to him about it, the power of talking should NEVER be underestimated!!

bp

here is the other thread...

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055294577

and like as was said on the other issue surrounding a girl slapping her b/f - if a guy did that to a girl we would all be screaming bloody murder.
Women abusing men is a serious an issue as the other way round.

If you slapped your b/f pretty hard and feel no remorse then maybe the relationship just isn't working. Some people may love each other but cannot be together - maybe you just aren't right for each other but hitting someone is never the answer!

star-pants

agree with what most have said - relationships shouldn't escalate to that level OP - if things get to that then you have to step back and look.
You shouldn't have hit him - an apology is needed, and then the separate issues that are causing problems in your relationship should be addressed.

Ye will have to sit down, sober and not at 4am to discuss the problems.

Gummy Panda

We all make mistakes. You made your mistake by hitting your boyfriend.

If its an isolated instance, then it could have been a lot of things that contributed to it. Stress from work/college, fatigue and of course someone insulting you when they're drunk can get the temper going. I'm not saying this is an excuse for violence but i think you found a threshold that you need to be a warn of.

If its a regular thing then maybe you need to readdress how you approach your problems. Anger management would help.

Your boyfriend was drunk and said hurtful things. Alcohol can be a depressant and stuff he might have been slightly worried about in the back of his mind could surface. Alcohol can be nasty for some, luckily/unluckily for me it just makes me love everyone then make a show of myself in a funny way.

I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and discuss the night. Especially his concerns and how he communicated them might have push a button you didn't know you had.

UrbanFox

Physical violence is not an acceptable form of interpersonal communication. At a minumum, it displays disrespect and contempt.:mad:

How Strange

Gummy Panda wrote: »

We all make mistakes. You made your mistake by hitting your boyfriend.

I think calling it a mistake is trivialising what happened. She hit her bf because she got frustrated at her inability to articulate her feelings. That's not a mistake, that's a deliberate act of aggression. It's a bully tactic which says 'I can't argue my points so I'm going to hit you to shut you up and win this argument'.

Your boyfriend was drunk and said hurtful things. Alcohol can be a depressant and stuff he might have been slightly worried about in the back of his mind could surface. Alcohol can be nasty for some, luckily/unluckily for me it just makes me love everyone then make a show of myself in a funny way.

So what are you saying? That it's the bf's fault? Would you say the same thing if the OP was a man and he said that his gf was screaming at him and he got so frustrated that he hit her?

As I said before, if us women want equality then we have accept all parts of it and that means that a woman hitting a man IS the same as a man hitting a woman.

I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and discuss the night. Especially his concerns and how he communicated them might have push a button you didn't know you had.

Again, you are saying that the OP should place the blame at the bf's door and use it as an excuse for her hitting him. The OP hit her bf, she knows she f*cked up but somewhere in her post is the qualifier 'but he shouts at me and is mean to me when we argue so I just lost it'.

If the OP and her bf are to salvage anything out of this then she has to accept 100% responsibility for what she did regardless of how her bf behaves when they argue. That's a separate issue.

BigglesMcGee

Whats going to happen when you do it again and the only way he can "articulate his feelings" is to hit you right back.

I'm sure though that it will be a night in jail and expulsion from your circle of friends for him.

If i was him id be gone straight away, never to darken your doorstep again.

chuci

if you feel no remorse you need to have a long think about the relationship. think you should address the anger issue too this just shouldnt happen.

the GALL

Violence does't solve anything
You need to apoligise
If there was drink involved and he returned the violence you could have been seriously broke up
and then would it have been a case of "I started it I hit him first he defended himself" or "That brute hit me cause we were having an arguement"
As another pointed out equal rights and all that ....you've got issues and you need to sort yourself out.

Gummy Panda

How Strange wrote: »

I think calling it a mistake is trivialising what happened. She hit her bf because she got frustrated at her inability to articulate her feelings. That's not a mistake, that's a deliberate act of aggression. It's a bully tactic which says 'I can't argue my points so I'm going to hit you to shut you up and win this argument'.

Sorry but I'm accepting she is human and has made a mistake. I don't think she planned to hit her boyfriend. I'm not saying its right but i am saying its something she can over come.

So what are you saying? That it's the bf's fault? Would you say the same thing if the OP was a man and he said that his gf was screaming at him and he got so frustrated that he hit her?

I never blamed her boyfriend. I was giving a possible explanation for his abusive form that night and that alcohol might be making a mountain out of an ant hill for him.

Verbal abuse from someone drunk and angry can be as terrifying and mentally painful as someone hitting you.

Again, you are saying that the OP should place the blame at the bf's door and use it as an excuse for her hitting him. The OP hit her bf, she knows she f*cked up but somewhere in her post is the qualifier 'but he shouts at me and is mean to me when we argue so I just lost it'.

Sorry it that's the message i got. I was expressing that i think they should discuss the whole night. Not just the punch. I understand were you would get that view from my line "Especially his concerns and how he communicated them might have push a button you didn't know you had."

I didn't mean that in sense of Don't piss me off or i'll hit you again. I meant as in how the two of them have communication problems. He gets drunk and abusive. She resorts to violence. I agree she has to accept responsibility for attacking him but i think that's just one part of a bigger issue.

Bitz n Pieces

The same thing happened with me and my boyfriend on Saturday night. He was drunk, I wasn't. We got in a blazing row, then he clammed up, wouldn't speak to me, mid-argument. Then he started taking the piss out of me for crying when we argue (I do this out of pure frustration), anyway I was so angry/frustrated with him that I lashed out and slapped him. He got soooo angry...he told me to drop him off at the side of the road before he "dropped me" (meaning knocked me out). I know he would never do that, but I shouldn't have hit him either. I didn't drop him off at the side of the road, we just stayed silent, dropped him home, he got out and slammed the door. We more or less sorted things out then on Sunday. I apologised for hitting him, and he didn't apologise for anything (as usual).

Aurora Borealis

Physical violence is not acceptable from either men or women. You need to discuss this properly when sober.