I'm not sure what to think of this all?

LegacyUser

Ok, here's the story, I'm in my 20's, at uni in Dublin and whilst I was at home which is some 100 miles from here I met up with this girl who's at Uni over in the UK. Local, lives down the road from me (well a few miles as I do live in the sticks) known her for years. Never been anything between us before but we went out a few weekends together whenever we were home and hooked up etc. After the last weekend she suggested heading to dublin to see me. I Fine says I but in the end it fell through, it was only going to be a day trip and I felt it wasn't worth her while as she was heading back to the UK the next day anyway and she'd have been b0llixed. Grand. We'd work something out.

So anyway, lots of texting, msn, a few phone calls, you know the drill. So anyway she suggested there would be other times and a few days latter a cheapflight came up - fairly close to where she's in college, so I asked her what she was up to those days, nothing she says and went off and booked it, sends me a link as to where to get trains and all that kind of thing.

Anyway over the next few weeks she became a bit more distant, not replying back to texts or whatever. So I asked her whether I should drop over or not, she seemed a bit busy and she said, turns out she's working and it was up to me. Cue alarm bells ringing in my head - normally the "up to you thing" (in my experience) is a polite way of saying "i'm not that keen really"

Anyway as it turns out, the night before I asked she's hooked up with another bloke. Still I believe her when she says she's ran off her feet.

The thing is i don't know how I should feel about it all.

One part of me isn't so happy about it, and I don't know why. I have a suspicion its something to do with pride, being upset at being second best or something like that, or offering to fly over and it it all coming to naught. Someone in my family talked about me having issues with being rejected by people and being paranoid about it (i'm adopted) and not forming relationships that well. I told them to sod off with their physco analysis babble but these days I'm not so sure. The long and short of it all is its all rather complicated and I'm ticked off about it and I don't want to be.

I'm trying to, be rational about it and structure the argument as such - you were never formally going out, ye were out twice together and you probably jumped the gun a bit when booking the flights and not giving her enough time to respond, you've not incurred barely any financial loss over it and heck its worked out for the best anyway"

Any thoughts guys? Ever feel that your getting irritated over something even though, logically you shouldn't? I feel part of my mind deserves a right good thrashing into place, though bashing my head off a wall would hurt. Or do other people sometimes feel like this? Help!

MagicMarker

Forget about her, go for someone a little closer to home. Enjoy.

If this is getting like this so soon then really, it's not a good thing. Don't give yourself the headache.

Leeby

I wouldn't call yourself second best. She met another guy, he's not necessarily any better than you, but he's a hell of a lot more convenient location wise.

Chalk it up to bad luck/timing whatever and move on. It probably would've been a different story if you were both living at home but it's hard to build up a relationship long distance.

RedXIV

long distance relationships are a bast**d to keep going and near impossible to form. She's met someone closer to her, it's not your fault, it's geography's fault.

I wouldn't go over if i were you,
1) Relationship probably not gonna happen
2) New guy could be very jealous type
3) Blow the money on a proper weekend and meet local girls

gogglebok

whattothink wrote: »

Any thoughts guys? Ever feel that your getting irritated over something even though, logically you shouldn't? I feel part of my mind deserves a right good thrashing into place, though bashing my head off a wall would hurt. Or do other people sometimes feel like this? Help!

Everyone feels like that sometimes, or at least I hope they do. We're formed from a very young age by experiences we can't control. Some of them give us good reflexes, some of them give us bad or inappropriate reflexes. I start to feel crowded unless I get a lot of time on my own, for example. I'm sure that must be something to do with growing up in a big family in a small house, but it makes me a ratty git unless I keep on top of it.

It sounds to me like you're doing exactly the right thing here, in that you're questioning your reactions. There may be something in what your family member said, about your touchiness about rejection. If you're aware of that possibility, you can carry that knowledge into your relationships and see where you may be going over the top about things.

But I don't think either of you has done anything bad here. You may feel more irritated than you think you should, but you haven't flown over and nailed a dead rat to her doorpost. Don't be hard on yourself.

smellybiker

i've been in this situation - guy said he was interested - we met locally - he went home - other side of country...asked me to drive down to him for a weekend three or four weeks after we initially met - drove down four hours to stay with him for weekend - had great time! texts were random and distant for weeks after. i eventually decided i was wasting my time and stopped texting - haven't heard anything since.

put it down to having no loss of money having had to go over to her and don't beat yourself up about it. just think of it as another one of life's experiences!!

Bubbly

Ok,
I can totally sympathise, Im in my 20s in uni up here too
So long distance relationships will never work, a guy i was going out with left for uni in england and we "tryed", but within a week i was completely having the time of my life up here, going out every night, etc etc and almost forgot about him.
Sooo........she i assuming is doing the same sorta thing,like ur at home over here and shes over there, sh*t i know, but thats life,
so she obv thinks your over here being a regular college guy and she prob isnt gonna hold back either,
Although it was a bit dirty of her to let u book and then pull the "its up to you" line??
Anyway exams finshing today, i suggest you go party tonight, tonight is going to be mental and forget about her :cool:

neilled

Oh arse, I may as well come out with it, I'm the op. That was surprisingly easy. Why'd i post unreg in the first place. Never mind.

Thanks for the opinions guys, much appreciated. I was never going to be nailing any dead rats to doors, but hey its a neat trick. I'll remember it if I ever need a major act of vengance, as I gather horse heads are a bit more difficult to come by these days!

I was a little bit stung the other night when I found out but today things have settled down. The other chap in question apparently lives some distance away as well but some of the post's here have put things in perspective about distance etc. Your right, its not worth the effort and it might have been a bit naive of me to go ahead with the flights anway.

I'll be heading out tonight - the exams are over and the summers ahead.

Thanks Boardsies

RedXIV

another happy ending, *sigh* why isn't all life this easy to deal with

Bubbly

Is right
EXAMS OVER-SUMMER AHEAD

PAAARRTTYYY TOONNIIGGHHHTT

i shall see you on the dancefloor!(or whatever have a dace in your honour!):cool:

blah

Our work here is done. Everyone to the pub!

Hey blah, you didn't post anything!

*runs*

neilled

See ye in there lads :):)

AngryBadger

MagicMarker wrote: »

Forget about her, go for someone a little closer to home. Enjoy.

If this is getting like this so soon then really, it's not a good thing. Don't give yourself the headache.

+1