Messed Around?

LegacyUser

There's this girl I'd consider a friend - she works in an office where I worked for Summer. We got on well and she kept in contact with me after I left. We've had lunch a few times since Christmas and went to dinner once. I like her and she kinda knows it but we're happy to do the 'friends' thing.

Lately though, I've realised things seem a bit one-sided; she's bored in work, I e-mail her to chat. But outside of work we really dont talk - she doesn't reply to texts I send but on Monday morning I'll have an e-mail telling me how boring her job is.

This week (Monday) I asked her if she'd like to do something - she immediately came back with a variety of excuses, she had to buy a dress on thursday AND friday and go to some formal event on Saturday. I can take a hint, so I said that was fine. I guess my reply was a bit curt (however, civil) because she staretd asking if I wanted to see her next week or if something was wrong. I basically levelled with her and said that I was increasingly conscious of the fact that if she wasn't stuck behind a desk all day, we wouldn't talk much. She said that things weren't like that.

About an hour later I got a text saying "Okay, help! How would you like to escort a fabulous girl to a ball on Friday?". First off; was I waaaay off base in assuming she was referring to herself? Before I could answer, however, she sent me another text saying "Oh and I'll be there too". So things started to click - she wasn't actually asking me to go, she needed me to take her friend. I called her and politely declined, saying that I'd feel uncomfortable going to something formal with someone I didn't know. Of course, I asked who she was going with - a friend of a friend seemingly.

I thought about it for a while and then sent her a text, basically saying that from her first message, it seemed she was referring to herself. She asked me "Well would you have gone if I had asked you?". She knew the answer to that one.

Sorry for the rant but this has really annoyed me. I feel like she was kinda messing me around. We havn't exchanged e-mails since but I really feel like she's treated me unfairly.

RedXIV

You two are playing games. simple as. Unfortunately, you're inital up-front assualt failed and instead of accepting it, you lashed out by saying you wouldn't talk to me if we didn't work together. Think about that. that does not sound mature. Her, on the other hand, while i cannot presume to undestand her feelings for you, has asked to meet up a second time with you, tried to arrange something for the two of ye to get together at, and is now flirting with you (yes, the last question would constitute as flirting).

Now, while it might not be for you, but if a straight on approach didn't work, i'd keep playing the flirting game with her. "Well would you have gone if I had asked you?" that question is confirmation that the game has begun and hopefully, you'll play along.

Hope this helps

tbh

I'll tell you what I think. I think you know she doesn't like you, but you think that if you keep talking to her for long enough, eventually she'll like you. That's why you don't straight up ask her out, because if she says no, you can't pretend you don't like her.

that's all very well and good, it's a strategy I've used myself with varying success. However, the price you pay for engaging this stratagy is that

a. She might not know you like her.

b. She might know you like her, but not like you and just ignore the issue hoping you find someone (fabulous?) so she doesn't feel guilty about not liking you.

Either way, she's not the one being two-faced, you are. So what if she only texts you when she's in work? Why don't you just stop replying? I'll tell you why - you think out of sight is out of mind. Let me ask you a question, if a male friend was treating you like this would you have a problem?

You're only going to solve this issue if you are honest with yourself about your motives. You can only have the "highs" of getting her texts if you are willing to pay for them with the "lows" when she doesn't treat you like you want her to. That's the lesson I learned. Sometimes the highs are not worth the lows.

Overheal

tbh wrote: »

I'll tell you what I think. I think you know she doesn't like you, but you think that if you keep talking to her for long enough, eventually she'll like you. That's why you don't straight up ask her out, because if she says no, you can't pretend you don't like her.

that's all very well and good, it's a strategy I've used myself with varying success. However, the price you pay for engaging this stratagy is that

a. She might not know you like her.

b. She might know you like her, but not like you and just ignore the issue hoping you find someone (fabulous?) so she doesn't feel guilty about not liking you.

Either way, she's not the one being two-faced, you are. So what if she only texts you when she's in work? Why don't you just stop replying? I'll tell you why - you think out of sight is out of mind. Let me ask you a question, if a male friend was treating you like this would you have a problem?

You're only going to solve this issue if you are honest with yourself about your motives. You can only have the "highs" of getting her texts if you are willing to pay for them with the "lows" when she doesn't treat you like you want her to. That's the lesson I learned. Sometimes the highs are not worth the lows.

Must agree.

do you love it?

to be honest coming from a girls point of view, she knows you like her!

Carrigart Exile

You are her old dependable, that puppydog that craves her attention that she can pick up and drop when it suits her. You can stay that forever (because that's all you will be) or you can get yourself a life away from her and she can fit in to your life when it suits you.

I have a friend who's life has been spent pining for such a woman, and she plays him.

BobTheBeat

It sounds like she is well aware of your feelings, but is ignoring them when it suits her. A whole lot of games going on here, making things much more complicated than they should be.

If the 'just friends' thing is not working out, then so be it. Dont torture yourself looking for reciprocation on her part, its obvious she isnt in that place right now.

Bubbly

Oh My God if anyone was ever being messed around, im sorry but she is COMPLETELY messing you around, getting your hopes up saying "well if t was me that asked you, would you hav said yes?"
Eh just leave it and dont talk to her etc and if she likes u, she'll come running, if not, leave it be.

LegacyUser

Look, to all of you who think I feel aggrieved over something as trivial as attraction or the desire to sleep with her...you're wrong. Sorry, but I'm not acting like some sort of petulant kid who's handling informal rejection badly. I can appreciate that she doesn't like me - it's the fact that she conducted herself in this way when she knows that I liker her, that's what pisses me off. If we were friends, and we're supposed to be, she should have a little more respect for me.


I knew when I was writing this that people were going to assume I was bothered by an unrequited interest.

RedXIV

Pssedoff wrote: »

Look, to all of you who think I feel aggrieved over something as trivial as attraction or the desire to sleep with her...you're wrong. Sorry, but I'm not acting like some sort of petulant kid who's handling informal rejection badly. I can appreciate that she doesn't like me - it's the fact that she conducted herself in this way when she knows that I liker her, that's what pisses me off. If we were friends, and we're supposed to be, she should have a little more respect for me.


I knew when I was writing this that people were going to assume I was bothered by an unrequited interest.

Man if you didn't want an opinion, why did you post. with a bit more info, we could have provided better options but with what you gave us, we did what we could.