How do I defuse this?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this, I'm in a bit of a pickle, I'll try keep it short. Basicly I was going out with a girl for 3 years and we broke up a while ago, about a year ago we were on a break and I ended up meeting somebody else during it, nothing ever became of it me and that girl are still friends but my ex blames her on the way thing's ended up between us a year later even though it had nothing to do with it. Since we broke up I've been trying to get on with thing's and I've been hanging out with the girl I met as she's a mate and we have friends in common etc. Now here's the problem my ex is still on the when I see her I'll kill her buzz and tonight I'm going out to a certain bar with a few friends and my ex will be there aswell, she text me today telling me not to turn up because if I do not only will her new boyfriend be gunning for me but she'll be after my friend.

Now me and the ex are friends, well try to maintain some contact because of mutual friends but this is ridiculas, I suggested she just live and let die and act mature, just stay out of each others way if it's that much of a problem but getting nowhere with it. I know the obvious answer is just don't go but it's our local pub where we go to see friends etc and i'm not going to be intimiated away from it , I've been nothing but supportive of her new boyfriend etc despite it hurting, i've no idea what i've done to him, as my ex knows i'm well able to defend myself and in fairness he wouldn't have a hope but I hate fighting over thing's as stupid as this and I won't, I don't want every night we end up in the same place this drama to be going on it does my head in...guy's advise here please?

Sherifu

Disfuse wrote: »

she text me today telling me not to turn up because if I do not only will her new boyfriend be gunning for me but she'll be after my friend.

What age are they? 12?

smellybiker

sounds like you got a very lucky escape man!! my motto for dealing with idiots like that is give as good as you get. if they want to start something tonight - let them. they'll do so in front of all your mutual friends - make a fool out of themselves and end up excluding themselves out of your group and then it's happy days for you!!

Wagon

I don't think the new boyfriend is going to give you any hassle. I think he might just be wanting the few pints and a bit of craic himself. She sounds like she's just trying to scare you away and judging from your post it seems like the type of thing she'd do. Tell your friend that your ex is a looper and not to mind anything she says. It really just sounds like scare tactics.

LegacyUser

Definitely don't be intimidated by this childish and idiotic behaviour. You're going to have to talk to your ex and tell her and her new boyfriend to cop on and grow up. Especially the new boyfriend (as fair enough she may still have feelings for you), it's none of his business at all. He probably feels threatened by your presence, and the history between you and your ex, so he's trying to assert some form of masculinity and dominance in the most primitive and ape-like way possible.

Just don't react to him if he says or does anything but tell him that what's happened before he appeared on the scene is none of his business.

Zzippy

Yep, sounds like scare tactics, she really doesn't want to see you with your friend, so she's trying to scare you out of going to your local. Very childish behaviour.
Go out anyway, but at least give your friend fair warning of what has been said, and let her make her own decision on whether to go or not. It wouldn't be fair on her to drop her into a situation like that with no warning.
Oh, and tell all your mutual friends what has been said, so they know what she's really like. If anything does happen, be dignified and calm, she'll just make a fool of herself in front of everyone and you'll look like the bigger person for not getting dragged down to her level.

Zulu

Don't defuse it, don't react.

Go to the pub, and enjoy your night. If there is any hassle at all - tell security. She'll be kicked out and you can continue to enjoy your night.

Because she is an immature physco bitch, doesn't have to impact you.

BobTheBeat

Last thing you should do is try to defuse it. You have both made the decision to move on with your lives, so let that be that. If she wants to act the clown, let her off. She'll come off as a headcase and everyone will see that. And whatever you do, get yourself down to the pub and have a good time, show her that things are good and that you dont need her.

helimachoptor

Wagon wrote: »

I don't think the new boyfriend is going to give you any hassle. I think he might just be wanting the few pints and a bit of craic himself. She sounds like she's just trying to scare you away and judging from your post it seems like the type of thing she'd do. Tell your friend that your ex is a looper and not to mind anything she says. It really just sounds like scare tactics.

Agreed most lads know that when a break up happens s**t goes on. All of this happened before he came on the scene. So he shouldnt really have a problem.

Your ex sounds like a nut job though!