How do I tell my longterm boyfriend I am leaving the country?

happypartygirl

Hey everyone

I am moving to Cali for good in 6 weeks and unfortunately (for him) my boyfriend aint invited.

We have been together 2 years. I do really love/care for him, but this is something I have always wanted to do!

How do I best break the news? :pac:

feylya

How long have you known that you'd be moving?

euph

"unfortunately (for him)" he isnt invited..

Are you also breaking up with him? Are you glad he isn't going?

If so you should tell him that also and let him move on rather than pine over the long distance etc.

Miss Fluff

Have you been planning this without talking to him about it? Has he any inclination that you intend to leave? How long are you moving for, permanently?

ergonomics

I'm assuming you've known about this for a long time, it's not the sort of thing you organise over night. You have embassy visits and all that to do, as well as getting visas and flights. Yet despite this you haven't told your boyfriend about any of your plans, but you say say you 'really love/care for him'. Well your actions speak otherwise. If you loved him you have told him a long time ago, and you'd invite him. Can't see why he wouldn't be invited.

To be honest, I think he's better off without you. I know that's not your question but that's the only opinion I can form. I can't believe you would organise to leave the country and not consult your boyfriend or even invite him along.

slumped

if you REALLY loved him then you would have talked to him a long time ago and had a heart to heart with him.

It's not a good sign that you are here looking for advice on how to tell someone you "love" and have been with for 2 years that you are leaving the country for good.

You obviously don't have the strong loving relationship you think you have....

S

Ian Beale

'Unfortunatly for him'

You say you love him....yet you appear to not care about leaving him....let me correct your sentence,

'Fortunatly for him i'm leaving'
Much better.

Garthicus

You could always direct him to your other thread

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055293652


Perhaps he will reply saying he'd like to go with you? :rolleyes:

Overheal

Garthicus wrote: »

You could always direct him to your other thread

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055293652


Perhaps he will reply saying he'd like to go with you? :rolleyes:

..................

Yea seriously what the hell?

horsecrap

dont tell him, hop on a plane to cali, then straight away send him a postcard ...'wish u were here' NOT.

ah no, im sorrry thats not rite...ease him into it. tell him its time ye moved on!

MrPillowTalk

Email him a link to this thread.

leeroybrown

By the looks of it the OP already has US citizenship and has just made a snap decision "****, it I'm quitting work and moving to California...". It'll be impossible for a non-citizen to move over on a long term on short notice.

OP, just tell him how it is as soon as possible and don't be too surprised or annoyed if he's seriously pissed off. A clean break with no back-tracking such as him coming over on holiday or dragging it out over long distance for a few months. Also, I wouldn't lay on the "I really love you" crap too thick as if that were really the case then this wouldn't be such an easy decision.

kowloon

With Leeroybrown on this, you don't really care about him if you have not only decided to move but also decided to cut him out of the trip.
It's a really poor show and it would have been less selfish if you had told him when you originally decided you didn't want him. The sooner you tell him the better.

Wagon

I don't care how severe this sounds but you're talking bollix. You don't love him. If you did you wouldn't be planning a trip for the best part of a year and putting up an ad on boards looking for a travel buddy.

Just tell him as soon as possible. He shouldn't have to waste any more time than he should with you.

x in the city

you dont give a flying fcuk about your 'long term boyfriend' id say.

tell him your going to la ASAP to have a great time baby.

bronte

How could you not have informed your boyfriend of 2 years that you had this planned?

Aurora Borealis

By the sounds of it you hardly consider him a partner/boyfriend really anyway otherwise you'd have discussed above with him. Tell him upfront you're going and read up on what a proper relationship means when you're away.

Sephiroth_dude

Ian Beale wrote: »

'Unfortunatly for him'

You say you love him....yet you appear to not care about leaving him....let me correct your sentence,

'Fortunatly for him i'm leaving'
Much better.

hahaha ^^^^^^^^^^ right on


Your a pathetic excuse for a girlfriend and hes better off without you!!!!!!!! oh and your a heartless bitch as well

good day to you madam :pac:

Slainte1978

Is this a joke!?

Beruthiel

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

hahaha ^^^^^^^^^^ right on


Your a pathetic excuse for a girlfriend and hes better off without you!!!!!!!! oh and your a heartless bitch as well

good day to you madam :pac:

Banned.
B

Beruthiel

Slainte1978 wrote: »

Is this a joke!?

I suggest you read this forums charter before you get yourself banned.
B

Beruthiel

happypartygirl wrote: »

I am moving to Cali for good in 6 weeks and unfortunately (for him) my boyfriend aint invited.

From your other thread:

happypartygirl wrote:

Is anyone heading over to Cali for the summer that is looking for a travel buddy.. someone to head over with (I dont know anyone else going) and maybe share a place with for a while?

So my question is, if you are looking for someone to go with, why haven't you asked your b/f if he'd like to go with you?

hugejeans

<cough>tramp!</cough>

is_that_so

I would have thought that the answer to the question is to talk it out like anything else in a relationship and certainly with something like this which will have such an impact.

If as the OP suggests she has great fondness or maybe even love for her bf why has this not come up in conversation? People who share a strong bond share dreams as well. I understand the need to travel having done a lot myself, but the fact that you have not even discussed it suggests that your own perception of your feelings for him may not be as strong as you think.

If I were the bf I would be more put out by the fact that my OH didn't trust me enough to tell me about it in the first place. Sorry to be harsh but IMO this looks like a relationship that is going to come to a relatively swift end, because you didn't trust him enough to talk about it.

dazberry

happypartygirl wrote: »

Hey everyone

I am moving to Cali for good in 6 weeks and unfortunately (for him) my boyfriend aint invited.

We have been together 2 years. I do really love/care for him, but this is something I have always wanted to do!

How do I best break the news? :pac:

Well you could
a) tell him now
b) appear at his door crying your eyes out - tell him you are going but its only for 6 month, cut all contact because it would be "too hard" while still sending birthday and christmas cards - and then ring out of the blue 5 years later too see how he is...

I may have experienced one of these options - a) is best in the long run...

D.

Irishcrx

To be honest it looks like you have no respect for your boyfriend, with him for two years and then just up and leave without so much as talking to him first, well if you were my girlfriend and you done this and put an add up on a website looking for a travel buddy i'd think two things.

1. You don't care about me and are a bit of a tramp at heart.
2. I'm breaking up with YOU.

Beruthiel

hugejeans wrote: »

<cough>tramp!</cough>

banned
b

JAMM222

in before the lock!!:D

Beruthiel

JAMM222 wrote: »

in before the lock!!:D

Banned.
Seriously. There are actually times when I'm rendered speechless.

Dudess

Irishcrx wrote: »

1. You don't care about me and are a bit of a tramp at heart.

A "tramp"? Where did the OP give any indication she's been sleeping around? Or is it just easier to use a term from the "whore/slut/trollop" pool of synonyms since she's female?

happypartygirl wrote: »

I am moving to Cali for good in 6 weeks and unfortunately (for him) my boyfriend aint invited.

We have been together 2 years. I do really love/care for him, but this is something I have always wanted to do!

How do I best break the news? :pac:

Your line "unfortunately (for him) my boyfriend ain't invited" and the casual tone of your post, as well as your use of the term "ain't" in a humorous manner and the pacman smiley, indicate you aren't even remotely upset about the prospect of leaving him behind - not to mention the fact that you haven't invited him to go with you even for the first few weeks. AND you'd prefer a stranger as a travel buddy to him. Therefore you don't "really love/care for him" - fair enough, but don't try to fool us into thinking you do. You're going to California for good (well that's the plan - things change) and you obviously aren't one bit concerned you might miss him. You should have broken up with him a long time ago, never mind told him about your big plan.
Saying it's unfortunate "for him" and not for you that you're both going to be apart, really indicates - actually proves - you care very little for him. I'm sure you like him and all that but you're only worried about breaking the news because it will upset him and you don't want to be dealing with that. Well there's no other way. Just tell him - blurt it out. As soon as possible.

The fact you've kept this hidden from him so far even though you're supposed to be in a "longterm relationship"... well I get the impression it's not a proper relationship at all, just one of those teenage, not-very-serious "couplings".

Nevyn

" So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu
I'm of to california, but not you, not you, not you."

Beruthiel

tut tut Thaed
Am gonna have to ban you for that.
B

Gone West

Look you should probably just tell him outright.
Obviously theres not much point in dilly-dallying about.
Leave it too late and you might really hurt his feelings.

Sherifu

I agree, just sit him down and tell him.

Beruthiel

Well. I think this thread has gone just about as far as it's going to.
B