Need a girl's opinion on this please - relationship type

oddone

Okay, I'll try to be brief and keep this short as possible;

I'm a grown man, have had problems meeting girls in the recent past because of the demands of my job, (irregular shifts, weekends taken up etc etc)
but now that that has changed for the better and
seeing as I've been single for the guts of 2 years and pretty lonely, I have wanted to / hoped to find someone special now for so long (doesn't every single person), I didn't fancy the whole bar/club scene as I don't believe that they're great places to meet someone nowadays unless it's for something short-term but perhaps I'm being too judgmental.

Anyway......decided to try looking online and without going into how and why I was lucky enough to meet someone really really nice with a lot in common.
Now I've never tried that way before and I was pretty sceptical but I'm hopeful I made a good choice.
So after weeks of getting to know this person, phonecalls, emails, online chatting even text mesages etc to build up trust we are meeting for the
first time soon.
Now I have built up feelings for this person and feel like I know her very well but of course meeting in person is a whole different thing.
The idea of meeting is because we feel we both want to make something of this but I know I will still have to make the right impression when we get together and say and do the right things or she may not be interested.
She is travelling here from the uk as she is moving here for work and she hasnt been before so let alone trying to impress her personally she hopes I can show her around the country and have some fun (i mean seeing places/doing fun things etc.)

The reason for my post and apologies for being long winded is I have no idea what approach to take, I mean I'm sure I'll give her a hug and a peck on the cheek when we meet but after that I am confident we will get on well because I know what makes her tick and her interests but I am getting really anxious about simple things like keeping her entertained while we're together,
I suppose that might come naturally to some but I tend to fret about these things unfortunately.
Anyone out there ever been in this type of situation?
whether meeting someone for the first time?
The reason I asked for a girls opinion is I'm just looking for some useful
ideas on what would be a fun thing to do, of course I have ideas like going out for dinner, the theatre or the movies, seeing some sights, I want to be make sure she has the time of her life while she's here.

Reading this back I realise it sounds kinda strange and I come across as being completely witless and naive:-D but that's certainly not the case, we have a similiar sense of humour so it should be easy to get on it's the transition from phone / online conversation to real life that's a bit worrying. I've been in relationships before but I am so rusty and so interested in this girl that I fine myself being afraid of f*cking things up.
I know I should just go with the flow but theres no point not being prepared and not having a clue what to do to entertain her when she is in my company, I know I'd hate that if it was the other way round.

There's nothing worse than awkward silences and I am starting to have big worries about trying too hard and simply running out of things to say to her,
I know it will be the same for her of course, but she is the one making the effort and I feel the onus is on me to show her that I'm the person she has gotten to know over the last while.

There's only so many anecdotes you can tell and questions you can ask...

Enough rambling, if anyone has any genuine advice I'd really appreciate it..............

kowloon

I met someone through the Internet, the only time I've met someone with no drink involved. Not an unusual thing these days. Just try to be the same person you are online and don't change personality at the first glance of a the real person. You should have a fairly good idea of what she would like to do. I would avoid the cinema or anywhere that gets in the way of a conversation. (unless of course you're both huge film goers and spend ages talking about the film afterwards).

Maggie Simpson

oddone wrote: »

She is travelling here from the uk as she is moving here for work and she hasnt been before so let alone trying to impress her personally she hopes I can show her around the country and have some fun (i mean seeing places/doing fun things etc.)

The reason I asked for a girls opinion is I'm just looking for some useful
ideas on what would be a fun thing to do, of course I have ideas like going out for dinner, the theatre or the movies, seeing some sights, I want to be make sure she has the time of her life while she's here.

There's nothing worse than awkward silences and I am starting to have big worries about trying too hard and simply running out of things to say to her

First off, the fact that she's coming over is great so don't worry so much! She obviously wants to make something of this, as you say and she'll probably be as nervous as you are! So, try not to get too stressed about it. Easier said than done I know, buy I met by bf online and our first meeting he was really nervous, but I was okay but by me being okay, I think it made things a lot easier.......

Now, things to do, where is she coming to? Dublin??

Also - awkward silences don't have to be awkward. I know very few people who can spend hours & hours together and not have a few silences. It's perfectly normal, so don't worry about it. In fact, someone talking non-stop to fill in silences can be a bit annoying IMO!

RedXIV

Red's golden tip of the day!

"Ask her what she wants to do in Ireland, ONCE! Don't badger the girl. If she doesn't know, have a back up plan and then say if she doesn't like it, you have another."

Asking what she wants to do will identify anything she's already curious about in the country and will be easy to entertain her with. asking once and only once, means your a decisive person who already has a backup plan, means well prepared. and having a second back up plan is just for security. (i've never had someone complain about the first part)

don't say "ummmmm do you want to.....?"
say "right, you should enjoy this"

don't say "....are you sure you're having a good time?"
say "say the word, and i'll initiate plan ....B!"

to quote the teenage mutant ninja turtles "it's all about attitude! cowabunga dude!!"

rocks

I was in the exact same situation, we met on myspace and she was moving over to Ireland from Australia, and a year on, we're living together and we're very happy.
I agree with the advice above, ask her what she would like to do, if she doesnt know, you decide something. Something neutral, that there is a good possibility that she will like, like bowling or ice skating or something.

sharkie2008

i'm sure she will be just as nervous as you so just relax and be the same in person as you have be online. and as for what to do, i agree with what redxiv and others have said. if she doesn't know then you take charge and decide what you think she would like to do

oddone

RedXIV wrote: »

Red's golden tip of the day!

"Ask her what she wants to do in Ireland, ONCE! Don't badger the girl. If she doesn't know, have a back up plan and then say if she doesn't like it, you have another."

Asking what she wants to do will identify anything she's already curious about in the country and will be easy to entertain her with. asking once and only once, means your a decisive person who already has a backup plan, means well prepared. and having a second back up plan is just for security. (i've never had someone complain about the first part)

don't say "ummmmm do you want to.....?"
say "right, you should enjoy this"

don't say "....are you sure you're having a good time?"
say "say the word, and i'll initiate plan ....B!"

to quote the teenage mutant ninja turtles "it's all about attitude! cowabunga dude!!"

Thank you and to everyone else for replying. that's exactly the type of thing I was hoping to hear.

My biggest fear is choosing what i think might be something fun to do
only to turn around and see a look of boredom/disinterest on her face and
not knowing what to do or having a plan b.

There must be thousands of cool and interesting places to see and visit
in Ireland and yet when I sit down to think about it, my mind draws a blank so any suggestions would be great! :-)

Cheers folks,

raemie21

From a female perspective, it's far better to go out with someone who has plans for the day. Seriously, this has cropped up in conversation loads of times with friends and the general consenus is that the guy should take the lead and seem confident in what he's doing - really I suppose, because it mimimises our own uncertainty and indecisiveness. If one person is or at least seems at ease/comfortable, then it helps evoke the same in the other person.

oddone

raemie21 wrote: »

From a female perspective, it's far better to go out with someone who has plans for the day. Seriously, this has cropped up in conversation loads of times with friends and the general consenus is that the guy should take the lead and seem confident in what he's doing - really I suppose, because it mimimises our own uncertainty and indecisiveness. If one person is or at least seems at ease/comfortable, then it helps evoke the same in the other person.

Thanks raemie, I guessed as much. Hence my fears of failure LOL.

For me making plans is only half the battle, it's making the right plans!

Trying to guess what she might enjoy doing and how to keep things
interesting / exciting is what my challenge is for want of a better word.

I know everyone's different but if you have any ideas would love to hear them.....

thanks

MrPillowTalk

Zoo is allways a good choice.

Get to walk and have a chat, something to chat about if conversation flags, ie look at the red arse on that monkey etc. If it goes well then you have the evening to move on to dinner etc.

My personal fav deal clincher was allways a drive out to glendalough for the day timing the return for around half nine or ten so its too late to go on anywhere else but early enough to ask her back to the house without it being ominous, then on with the mix tape guaranteed action by song 5 usually finished and all by song 6 though lol :pac:

oddone

MrPillowTalk wrote: »

Zoo is allways a good choice.

Get to walk and have a chat, something to chat about if conversation flags, ie look at the red arse on that monkey etc. If it goes well then you have the evening to move on to dinner etc.

My personal fav deal clincher was always a drive out to glendalough for the day timing the return for around half nine or ten so its too late to go on anywhere else but early enough to ask her back to the house without it being ominous, then on with the mix tape guaranteed action by song 5 usually finished and all by song 6 though lol :pac:

LOL! Hence the username eh??

I actually thought of the zoo, but thanks a lot for the advice, oh and the rest might depend on whats actually on the mix tape!!

Pen1987

Stand up comedy, the international bar.

Maggie Simpson

oddone wrote: »

LOL! Hence the username eh??

I actually thought of the zoo, but thanks a lot for the advice, oh and the rest might depend on whats actually on the mix tape!!

If she's an animal lover, zoo could be a bad move. Lots of people don't like them.

Here are some suggestions:

Powerscourt in Enniskerry - lunch, walk around the gardens, potter around the shops or afternoon tea in the Ritz if you want to splash out!

Take a picnic to the Phoenix Park. There are lots of quiet places you could go. Or Trinity at weekend. Much quieter than during the week.

Glendalough - always good. And you can take a bus down there (Dublin bus lakes & something tour).

Walk Dun Laoghaire pier & bit of lunch

As above in Howth

New cinema in Smithfield, the Lighthouse is great.

Guinness Storehouse - even just for the view at the top

Dublin Bus Ghostbus tour - brilliant fun.

lily lou

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

Here are some suggestions:

Powerscourt in Enniskerry - lunch, walk around the gardens, potter around the shops or afternoon tea in the Ritz if you want to splash out!

Take a picnic to the Phoenix Park. There are lots of quiet places you could go. Or Trinity at weekend. Much quieter than during the week.

Glendalough - always good. And you can take a bus down there (Dublin bus lakes & something tour).

Walk Dun Laoghaire pier & bit of lunch

As above in Howth

New cinema in Smithfield, the Lighthouse is great.

Guinness Storehouse - even just for the view at the top

Dublin Bus Ghostbus tour - brilliant fun.

They're really good ideas but just remember at the weekends if the weather is gorgeous half the country will be heading to places like Glendalough, I know last weekend the queues to get into the carpark were huge!!
She's a lucky girl I've been doing the internet dating thing myself with no luck, I'm sure she'll appreciate the effort you're putting in and enjoy whatever you arrange. Good luck and enjoy you're time together:)

oddone

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

If she's an animal lover, zoo could be a bad move. Lots of people don't like them.

Here are some suggestions:

Powerscourt in Enniskerry - lunch, walk around the gardens, potter around the shops or afternoon tea in the Ritz if you want to splash out!

Take a picnic to the Phoenix Park. There are lots of quiet places you could go. Or Trinity at weekend. Much quieter than during the week.

Glendalough - always good. And you can take a bus down there (Dublin bus lakes & something tour).

Walk Dun Laoghaire pier & bit of lunch

As above in Howth

New cinema in Smithfield, the Lighthouse is great.

Guinness Storehouse - even just for the view at the top

Dublin Bus Ghostbus tour - brilliant fun.

some great ideas there, cheers maggie

McGinty

Hi Op

I have just met someone recently through the internet, and I can understand your anxiety of the whole internet/phone to real meeting but if this makes you feel any better, the man I met, well we got on brilliantly via the net, and like you I was nervous re: attraction, how we would get on etc. However when we met we got on brilliantly, had some quiet moments that were very relaxing so I think the vibe is there before hand for you and this girl.

As for places to see, if she is into art there is the National Gallery and the Hugh Lane Gallery. Glendalough as others suggested is good, the IFI, Kilmainham Jail, Colin Barracks (they have art and design stuff), the Chester Beatty, also google the irish tourist board you will get loads of ideas there as well. I know having a plan is good, but allow some room for spontenaity as well. When I met my now boyfriend, I suggested going to the Hugh Lane Gallery because we both like art and it took the pressure of our nerves, whilst at the same time we could surreptiously check each other out, it was a great ice-breaker, but we hadn't planned going to the Writer's musuem (which we did) nor sitting in the park enjoying the weather and holding hands, so give a little wiggle room as you don't need to be too regimented in plans. Finally, be yourself, that is she is coming to see. I wish you the very best of luck and hope it goes really well for you. Do give us an update of how you got on.

oddone

McGinty wrote: »

Hi Op

I have just met someone recently through the internet, and I can understand your anxiety of the whole internet/phone to real meeting but if this makes you feel any better, the man I met, well we got on brilliantly via the net, and like you I was nervous re: attraction, how we would get on etc. However when we met we got on brilliantly, had some quiet moments that were very relaxing so I think the vibe is there before hand for you and this girl.

As for places to see, if she is into art there is the National Gallery and the Hugh Lane Gallery. Glendalough as others suggested is good, the IFI, Kilmainham Jail, Colin Barracks (they have art and design stuff), the Chester Beatty, also google the irish tourist board you will get loads of ideas there as well. I know having a plan is good, but allow some room for spontenaity as well. When I met my now boyfriend, I suggested going to the Hugh Lane Gallery because we both like art and it took the pressure of our nerves, whilst at the same time we could surreptiously check each other out, it was a great ice-breaker, but we hadn't planned going to the Writer's musuem (which we did) nor sitting in the park enjoying the weather and holding hands, so give a little wiggle room as you don't need to be too regimented in plans. Finally, be yourself, that is she is coming to see. I wish you the very best of luck and hope it goes really well for you. Do give us an update of how you got on.

Hi McGinty!

Thanks so much for taking the time to write about your experience, glad to hear it worked out well for you.

Some excellent advice there, I shall take it all on board, much appreciated, thank you!