Shes A Cow

ShesACow

Hi there
Just wanted some outside opinions on this. My BF and I have been together about six months or so now, very happy and very in love.
I have met a number of his friends now and get on quite well with all of them except for one. She has a tendency to speak over me and tell me things I like are 'sh1te'. We were discussing coffee a couple of weeks ago and when I mentioned a particular brand that I liked I was told that it was utter kack and that I didn't know good coffee and the only places in Dublin to get good coffee were X and Y...I let that slide, nodded and said nothing more on the subject. I like what I like - no use arguing over it.
Last week we were all out one evening and my BF paid me a compliment saying my outfit was gorgeous and I looked fab (kudos to him, he is always so good about saying sweet things like that) anyway Cowface butted in and said loudly 'well I'd look fab too if I had the time to get ready..' and then she proceeded on a tirade about how busy she was. She kinda hijacked his compliment to me and I wasn't impressed. She has her own fella (they're together around 6 months).

Now I reckon she may have had a crush on my guy at one stage and now feels as though she's competing with me, even though there's no need.

I get along really well with his other female friends, just can't stand this one. She's constantly telling me I'm wrong about my opinions and feelings...any suggestions? I don't want to tell him to stop inviting her to things as I'm not that type of girl, but I really don't want to have to spend time with her again.


Suggestions greatly appreciated!!!

witnessmenow

Just ingnore the cow! You could well be right about her previously having a crush on your man. Every time she annoys you just remember thats shes only jealous! Think about that everytime she annoys and it should make you feel better!:)

Overheal

Maybe youre right about the jealousy thing? Talk to the boyfriend about it. Perhaps confront her if it really ticks you.

Its good practise to let petty things slide but I know too well you can only take on so much before you have to stop it at the source.

StandnDeliver

she sounds like she is jealous of you,or intimidated somehow.I would just ignore her,if she says something rude,just start a conversation with someone else,get up and order drinks,or observe something else in the room and comment on it. This may drive her nuts that she isnt center of the whole night but keep on ignoring her.
I would let your boyfriend know she is annoying you,ask him does he see it. He may pick up on it more if he is aware she is being rude.

K_P

Sounds like jealousy imo. I'd suggest laughing it off, especially the "I'd look fab too if..." type of comments. Make her see how ridiculous she's being.

flogen

The likes of the "I'd look fab too.." thing are so blatently attention/praise-seeking that only a moron wouldn't see right through them; the best thing you can do here is just be dismissive in a polite way. So when she's finished her rant just go "anyway..." and carry on with an actual topic of conversation.

As for her criticising your tastes, when she does it just say "Well I like it" and hold that point no matter what she says in return. Simply point out that you can't be wrong about taste and allow her to make a tit out of herself trying to prove the unprovable.

If she thinks your opinion on, say, an issue is wrong don't be afraid to challenge her on it too - but again be relaxed about it and let her work herself into a frenzy.

I'd imagine people are already getting there but it should get to the point where people will see just how annoying she is. How she's just argumentative for the sake of it or how she can't be wrong on anything.

She'll either cop on soon enough that you're not a push-over or will cop on that people are getting annoyed at her antics.

Hrududu

the best thing you can do here is just be dismissive in a polite way. So when she's finished her rant just go "anyway..." and carry on with an actual topic of conversation.

Absolutely the best thing to do. It will drive her up the wall.

sharkie2008

Hrududu wrote: »

Absolutely the best thing to do. It will drive her up the wall.

got to agree, this will drive her mad

JackieO

She's just a b"tch.

Act totally indifferent towards her and it will drive her crazy!

chuci

just ignore it as hard as it may be just ignore it.and as someone said when she is finished another attention seeking spiel just continue the conversation you were having as if she didnt say anything.she will soon get the hint.

Carrigart Exile

I used to work with someone like her, eventually I used to just laugh at her outrageous comments and say 'Go on M***, say something positive about someone', eventually it sunk in

McGinty

Hi Op

When I read your post in a way I could identify in a sense, the person I am with, well I know that one person does not approve, the thing is I have a simple choice, I can allow their thoughts/comments to affect me or I can choose to ignore them. If you allow this female friend of your boyfriend to get in on your relationship, it could have a really negative effect. Basically let her on, so what if she does not like what you like, or attempts to downgrade your opinions on certain things, own your decisions and smile and say I am happy with what I like. When she tries to take over when your boyfriend comments on how good you like, wait until she is done and say 'thank you so much for your kind comments' it shows that you have only focused on what he said. Finally you need to ask why are her comments affecting you? This is important because you need to ask yourself do you feel threatened/afraid she may affect things? Things can only be affected if you let it. I personally would not discuss this with a boyfriend, as I said I am with someone, and in my case it is a family member (its too complicated to go into) but I decided to bypass their comments, but at the same time I looked at why they affected me for a time, and it was helpful what came up. Also if this girl gets on your nerves, tell your boyfriend that you can't relate to her so you are happy that he meets her alone without you there, if that is possible. Good luck,

allabouteve

K_P wrote: »

Sounds like jealousy imo. I'd suggest laughing it off, especially the "I'd look fab too if..." type of comments. Make her see how ridiculous she's being.

Take her by surprise and next time she responds very negatively to a comment of yours, especially in front of others, say very clearly that you've noticed that your preferences are usually the opposite of hers so she shouldn't feel the need to comment on everything. Be polite.

Redpunto

Think the only thing to do is to shock her so she wont do it again so next time she acts like a d*ck tell her to go f*ck off. That'll shut her up., Either that or she'll never speak to you again, either way problem solved:)

Colonel_McCoy

Ignore the wagon......she is jealous!

She needs to learn that blowing out somebody else's candle does not makes theirs burn any brighter!!!

estar

and like she makes herself look pompous, negative and original.

make a joke of her. the next time she makes a negative comment
butt back in, smile and say - wow how are you always so positive
and upbeat?

and if asks what you mean, keep smiling and say nothing? and laugh.

there is nothing in this world more annoying than someone
that no matter how hard you try you cannot ruffle, but
they just stay calm, and let you have on right back.

if she says something is ****e, add in your opinion and smile
to her comment.

Chinafoot

Redpunto wrote: »

Think the only thing to do is to shock her so she wont do it again so next time she acts like a d*ck tell her to go f*ck off. That'll shut her up., Either that or she'll never speak to you again, either way problem solved:)

I have to disagree here. She sounds like the type of girl that would absolutely relish you getting angry or being rude to her. If she does have a crush on your fella or just feels threatened by you in general, then this would give her a perfect reason to badmouth you to your boyfriend's other friends and more importantly, your boyfriend himself.

I understand how frustrating it can be as I've been there. You need to keep your cool and remain poilte with this girl as she's been in your boyfriend's life longer than you have and although she's being a cow right now, your boyfriend is obviously friends with her for a reason.

McGinty wrote: »

I can allow their thoughts/comments to affect me or I can choose to ignore them. If you allow this female friend of your boyfriend to get in on your relationship, it could have a really negative effect.

McGinty's whole post was great advice and I really wanted to highlight this part. You need to ignore her and not let it affect your relationship as it will end in tears, most likely yours. In a past relationship I was hated by a friend of my then boyfriend. Nothing I did was good enough and in the end the friend admitted that he hated that my boyfriend was spending more time with me. Unfortunately I let this affect me, and the relationship, greatly and myself and the boyfriend fought a lot. The relationship didn't stand a chance once that happened and we ended on pretty bad terms. Like I said above, your boyfriend is friends with this girl and presumably will have some sort of loyalty to her. Would you choose a boyfriend of 6 months over one of your mates if it came to it? I wouldn't tbh.

You need to grin and bear it. You could even kill her with kindness and make a really big effort to be friendly with her. If your boyfriend has his birthday coming up soon maybe ask her for advice on a present, something like that. She sounds like the type of girl that likes think she's the queen bee so she probably sees you as a threat, not necessarily in a romantic-I-fancy-your-fella way, but in a group dynamic kind of way. It sucks to have to pander to that kind of thing but chances are she'll calm down once she realises that you're not out to take her place.

Keep calm and remain polite, she'll give it up eventually.