The Ex factor

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

I've been seeing a great guy now for the past 6 months and it's going really well. We have so much fun together
and I feel blessed that I met him.

He was going out with a girl for 8 years but they broke up 2 years ago and although they remain friendly, he says
he's completely over her. They live near each other so she's often in his local and they'd phone each other the odd
time. She's apparently dying to meet me which I find a little strange but she got that chance yesterday morning..

Myself and my bf who i'll call James woke up with banging hangovers and decided to go to a cafe near his house to
get a full Irish breakfast. We were both starving and decided to get food then come back and shower etc. So I scraped
my hair back in a ponytail, had no make up on and hadn't showered (this has relevance - stay with me!). We arrive in the
cafe and had just ordered our food when this tall, tanned blonde girl comes bouncing over to the table looking fresh and
gorgeous. Low and behold, it's his ex.

She has a new bf now and he was sitting at a table near ours. Anyway, she chatted for a few minutes with us and seemed
nice but very fake. She said the 4 of us should go for dinner sometime and satrted talking about past times with James and
thankfully our food arrived then so off she went. I felt absoluetly awful! I hadn't even showered and was not looking how I'd like
to have looked meeting the ex for the first time. A few minutes later she came back over and said they'd been waiting ages
for their food and asked if she could have some of his bacon. She picked up his fork and started eating off his plate!! He just sat
there and let her. I felt so uncomfortable and felt like throwing my orange juice at her. I just wanted her to leave us have our food in
peace and I think she must've known how uneasy I was and was getting a kick out of it.

I know James didn't do anything wrong but I felt really upset and couldn't even eat my food. I asked him to just take me home.
Am I over -reacting to that fact that he didn't say anything to her for eating of his plate? She was eating it and looking up at him
chatting away. I told him on the way home that I thought she was way out of line for doing that and he agreed but said he was
too shocked by it to say anything.

She texted him later on that day saying it was great to meet me and that I was gorgeous. So fake, believe me, I did not look anywhere
near gorgeous, I looked hungover, unshowered and uncomfortable. Sorry for the long post, just wondering how u guys woul've felt in
that situation and if you think he should've said something to her..

Thanks for reading!

RedXIV

Hey OP, I can see where you're coming from with this one. Although i must point out that one ex of mine in particular has always classed herself a friend above an ex and as a result, we've always been close and she always looks forward to meeting girls i hook up with. She may or may not have an ulterior motive but she's never done anything to comprimise trust and EVERY girl i've ever introduced her, she calls "goregeous" or "stunning". Till we break up of course and then "yeah but she was hidieous anyway".

Ask your bf if he thinks of her as an ex or a friend first off. two very different things. if he says ex, then yes, you might be right it's out of line, but if he says friend (as i would if asked about the girl in my case) you shouldn't have anything to worry about. they no longer register in the "potential partner" folder, they've hit the "friends" one instead

Iusedbecoooler

As if you are over reacting...I mean your supposed to hate her I get that and I probably would be the same but like....as an outsider: less of the jealousy

thecheese

Sounds like she really stepped over a boundary there, but I must say i would probably have reacted in the same way as your boyfriend.. In utter shock and not wanting to make a scene over it in a public cafe..

I'm sure her boyfriend was just as angry as you were when he seen her go over and start eating off her ex's plate leaving him sitting there like a lemon.. Don't think much can be done about the situation at the moment but if anything similar happens next time you meet, maybe get your boyfriend to put her straight on the situation

LegacyUser

thecheese wrote: »

Sounds like she really stepped over a boundary there, but I must say i would probably have reacted in the same way as your boyfriend.. In utter shock and not wanting to make a scene over it in a public cafe..

I'm sure her boyfriend was just as angry as you were when he seen her go over and start eating off her ex's plate leaving him sitting there like a lemon.. Don't think much can be done about the situation at the moment but if anything similar happens next time you meet, maybe get your boyfriend to put her straight on the situation

Yeah, I don't think either of us saw that one coming. Eating off someone's plate using their cutlery is quite intimate and I found it really inappropriate. He said she can be very manipulative so I'd say she was loving the fact that I was squirming.

Suzi D

She's still possesive of him - the eating off his plate thing is as territorial as a dog marking a lamppost.Your bf probably won't like it if you kill her so AVOID HER LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

LegacyUser

Suzi D wrote: »

She's still possesive of him - the eating off his plate thing is as territorial as a dog marking a lamppost.Your bf probably won't like it if you kill her so AVOID HER LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

I agree completely!! Do you think I have any right to be a little annoyed at him for not saying anything to her. He knew I was upset, it was visible! Even picturing her doing it now is bothering the hell outta me.

tbh

this isn't about her, this is about you.

imo.

edit: too glib, even for me. Anyway, here's what I mean. Firstly, you are making a lot of assumptions. Like that the ex knew you were uncomfortable and was being malicious. Here's a different spin. Maybe she really was happy that her ex met someone he really seems to like, and it was important to her to break the ice with you. So maybe she went a little over the top, but maybe all she was trying to do was show you she felt comfortable with you - for your sake as much as hers.

Also, who cares anyway? Why are you letting it get to you so much? Your bf probably didn't say anything to her because he didn't know what to say, and figured it'd be better just to leave it as ye were leaving the cafe soon anyway. If you thought she acted like a tit, surely your boyfriend did too?

or are you more worried about the "she looked great, I looked rough" part of things? Don't you think your boyfriend has seen her looking rough? Remember, judge the guy on his actions, not what you *think* he's thinking.

anyway, long story short, i bet she's not spending as much time obsessing about your meeting. Just get over it.

SarahSassy

Thexfiles wrote: »

I agree completely!! Do you think I have any right to be a little annoyed at him for not saying anything to her. He knew I was upset, it was visible! Even picturing her doing it now is bothering the hell outta me.

I dont think you should. He did nothing wrong. As you said you were both hungover and as such ill guess he was totally incapable of acting on his feet and pulling her up on her behaviour. She is his EX so leave it at that or you may find yourself in the same boat.....