May have STD: BF slept with girl while broken up

LegacyUser

Hello - my boyfriend of two years broke up with me in January over long-distance relationship issues - long story, but after a few days he realised he'd made a massive mistake and begged me to come back and I eventually agreed.

Tonight he told me he thinks he may have chlamydia caused by him sleeping with someone else (just once AND he used a condom) during that break. So I might have it too - am going to doctor tomorrow to see.

Anyway, I was really angry when I first told me, not only coz of the std but also with him sleeping w/someone else. But then I figured it happened at a time when we both thought we were finished so it's not like he cheated on me. So I'm annoyed but don't feel the need to break up with him. He was crying nonstop on the phone, very sorry, felt he ruined everything and really really wanted me to forgive him. Said he couldnt believe how understanding I've been. Thing I'm wondering is - am I being too nice about this? SHoudl I be bothered about the fact he might never have mentioned this incident if he hadnt started showing std symptoms?

Would just love to hear anyone's thoughts on this. It's not something I want to talk to my family or friends about - and maybe that says something about the situation, that I feel so mortified about him having been with someone and all.

Thanks

anonymous_joe

It's one of the ways people try to get over a break up, and the more important the relationship, the more likely he is to do to something like that. Having just suffered the end of a relationship with a girl I still love, trust me, it's a very human thing. My ex has been with someone else a few times, despite the fact she still has unresolved feelings, and yeah, it hurts, a lot, but I can't really blame her for that. It's her way of coping.

The guy feels bad about what he did, and he clearly still cares for you. You probably shouldn't hold it against him...

AARRRGH

Get tested.

I have to say my wtf alarm is ringing a little bit. Safe sex in January resulting in STI symptoms in May? Something not right about that...

Regarding the "am I being too nice" question, I think you are being nice. However, I also think it would be a shame to break up over this.

Nevyn

Ok people can and do contract STD it happens.

The good thing is that he told you and that you can get tested which is just a swap and the other good news is that chlamydia is treatable. If not discovered and treated it can lead to fertility problems in women.

So it sounds like he is trying to do the responsible thing and so are you by going to the dr.

If you are sexually active and have more then on partner and your partner has had more then one partner then you are at risk from and STD as you can be effectively exposed a whole web of people.

Yes it's upsetting, yes it's something most people never dream they will have to do
and it's something post people never talk about but it happens and good for him for being honest with you about it.

Did he have a full screening and that is the only thing that came back positive ?

cjmcork

i'm a bit dumb on the whole STD thing - how did he catch something while using a condom - I KNOW they're not 100% effective, but still??

Nevyn

cjmcork wrote: »

i'm a bit dumb on the whole STD thing - how did he catch something while using a condom - I KNOW they're not 100% effective, but still??

Condoms don't cover all of the genital area and there are STD which spread via skin contact and vaginal secretions on to skin which is not covered by the condom. Some of these can be treated and cured and do not reoccur like chlamydia, others like viruses that causes genital warts and herpes once you catch them you have them for life and they can flare up from time to time.

Warning the following is a very good site but does have explicted photos and is not safe for work it also should not be used to self diagnose if you are concerned about your sexaul health consult your dr.

http://www.afraidtoask.com/STD/

cjmcork

jaysus, thanks, i think (yuk)

Miss Fluff

dublindude wrote: »

I have to say my wtf alarm is ringing a little bit. Safe sex in January resulting in STI symptoms in May? Something not right about that...QUOTE]

I agree, seems a little suspect. You sure he hasn't been playing away?

Nevyn

It is not that unusual with chlamydia some people have it and have no symptoms or delayed symptoms.

CHLAMYDIA
What is it?
Chlamydia is actually a group of different infections caused by different strains of the Chlamydia bacterium. Though Chlamydia pneumonia can cause a type of walking pneumonia, and Chlamydia psittaci can cause a type of pneumonia caused by birds, it is Chlamydia trachomatis that causes various sexually transmitted diseases. Chlamydia is currently the most common STD.



Common Signs & Symptoms
Chlamydia can cause asymptomatic (no symptoms) infections in both men and women. In men it can cause groin pain and swelling (epididymitis) as well as burning on urination (so called, non-gonoccocal urethritis (NGU)). In prepubertal girls, it can cause a mild vaginal discharge and odor (called vaginitis); in postpubertal women it can cause an off-white discharge and odor which comes from an infected cervix. In women, it can be especially dangerous because it can silently linger for months and progress to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) which can lead to infertility, chronic pain, and even death.

AARRRGH

That says there may be no symptoms, not that there may be delayed symptoms. And he says he used a condom...

Dodgy IMO.

Nevyn

Chlamydia is batcerial infection it can take a while to grow to the stage where there are clear symptoms.

Op you said

tooforgiving? wrote: »

Tonight he told me he thinks he may have chlamydia caused by him sleeping with someone else (just once AND he used a condom) during that break. So I might have it too - am going to doctor tomorrow to see.

Has he been tested if not what is he basing this off ?

Marksie

Thaedydal wrote: »

Chlamydia is batcerial infection it can take a while to grow to the stage where there are clear symptoms.

Op you said

Has he been tested if not what is he basing this off ?

Good point i was posting on this. Though she later says he "showed symptoms".
Thaed is correct that symptoms may be delayed.
Thus it is unwise, on the information given, to make assumptions of the probable source of infection being other than stated. Your picking on wordage on an internet website to fit your own assumptions.
There are many more likely reasons why this has happened now, than "playing away".

But has he actually had this confirmed OP and what was the basis for teh diagnosis??

If not then he should do so and get treatment, whihc the doctors will prescribe. You are correct in getting tested yourself.

I include this for reference, i dont have time to copy information from my own textbooks.

http://herpes-coldsores.com/std/chlamydia.htm

"Asymptomatic

It is called Asymptomatic if there are no symptoms

In the beginning Chlamydia may not make you feel anything so you may not even know you have it

It can just come and go

Those who do notice that they have this infection will have certain symptoms for weeks or months, depending on the severity of the infection and whether treatment was undertaken early, or not at all. But, as it gets worse, you will begin to experience different symptoms"


OP it can and does happen that people will sleep with others aftre a breakup, i belive you are aware of this and that is why you have tried to move on.

If we look and take what you have said, he has showed a degree of responsibility in telling you.
He is visibly upset as he feels that you have been more than understanding and now this occurs.
Its a double whammy, it really depends whether you can a) acceot that he made a mistake initially and that he was juts very unfortunate.

AARRRGH

Marksie wrote: »

Thus it is unwise, on the information given, to make assumptions of the probable source of infection being other than stated. Your picking on wordage on an internet website to fit your own assumptions.

No, I am just saying that -

1. He has safe sex in January
2. He develops symptoms for chlamydia in May

That is dodgy. The OP should be careful.

CathyMoran

I dont think that he did wrong sleeping with the other girl when you were on a break but he should have got tested before you slept with him again. It is not worth breaking up over though.

valleyoftheunos

OP be careful here, it doesnt seem to add up to me, Does he think he has an STD or does he know? Chlamydia has very few symtoms particularly in men, what has promted him to think he is infected? Did he really wear a condom or is that what he is telling you so that you wont be so mad?

If he had safe sex in January and is now infected I'd think that two aren't necessarily linked, either the infection is from a prior relationship, he could be carrying the infection for years, or... there is something he isn't telling you.

You are seeking screening and treatment so you should be fine, but his story doesn't add up.

do you love it?

yeah, something really isnt adding up.....
there is also a huge possibility that he's been playing away the entire time, now that he has just caught an std, he feels he should say something, you know?

Puffin

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU???

It is EXTREMELY NORMAL to not show symptoms of MANY STIs (including chlamydia) for MONTHS. It is also EXTREMELY NORMAL to not contract MANY STIs (including chlamydia) EVEN WITH CORRECT CONDOM USE.

If you didn’t already know that, ok (thought it does speak volumes for the Irish educations system) but DON’T GO SPREADING YOUR IGNORANT FEAR MONGERING ON THE INTERNET.

To the OP- yes I do understand why you are annoyed/hurt etc but sometimes you have to let logic rule your heart. It is extremely believable that he contracted chlamaydia when you were broken up. And as for sleeping with someone else… yeah that does suck but you were broken up so you are correct in keeping a cap on your emotions. The bottom line is, there is no evidence he cheated on you, he has been very upfront and mature about the STI issue and he clearly cares for you. I’m not saying you should marry him, but I am saying do try to keep these in mind before ditching him.

And I do have a final piece of information that is so important I am going to post it in triplicate after this one…

Puffin

CHLAMYDIA often shows no symptoms is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT TO DIAGNOSE, even when using the best testing technologies. If you believe you have been EXPOSED TO CHLAMYDIA, MANY HEALTH PROFESSIONALS STRONGLY ADVISE YOU SHOULD TAKE ANTIBIOTICS TO TREAT IT EVEN IF TEST RESULTS COME UP NEGATIVE.

Sherifu

Get tested.


o/t Puffin trip post & caps; nice.

sharkie2008

i think a lot of people are jumping to conclusions saying he may have cheated, as has been said chlamydia can have delayed symptoms, sometimes never showing syptoms. you're lucky that your boyfriend has been honest about it so that you can be checked

as for sleeping with someone else, you're right in what you have said. you were broken up and he didn't think you would get back together. i think its mature of you not to throw it in his face as its something many people have done when trying to get over someone

do you love it?

listen puffin... relax.

Puffin

relax??!??? over ignorance about sexual health???!!! should i also relax over domestic violence, or maybe lack of support for people trying to fight drug addiction??!!!

do you love it?

Puffin wrote: »

relax??!??? over ignorance about sexual health???!!! should i also relax over domestic violence, or maybe lack of support for people trying to fight drug addiction??!!!

the OP wasnt being ignorant, she'lll get tested, nobody asked you for the lecture, the opening line asking what the hell was wrong with everyone was bang out of order.
this is for talking to people not at them.

AARRRGH

Puffin wrote: »

MANY HEALTH PROFESSIONALS STRONGLY ADVISE YOU SHOULD TAKE ANTIBIOTICS TO TREAT IT EVEN IF TEST RESULTS COME UP NEGATIVE.

You're joking, right?

Suggesting people should take medication for a disease they don't have is terrible advice, especially considering antibiotics kill a number of people every year.

Everyone agrees the OP should get tested. The only "controversial" posts were that her boyfriends story is a bit fishy, but considering the amount of people who cheat, and the fact that it is difficult to catch chlamydia when you use a condom, I think the OP should be wary.

Marksie

Puffin what do you think you are doing? calm down step away or whatever..this is totally uncalled for

RedXIV

dublindude wrote: »

You're joking, right?

Suggesting people should take medication for a disease they don't have is terrible advice, especially considering antibiotics kill a number of people every year.

Just bounced that off the missus (a chemist) and she's with dublindude, you'd want to be VERY sure of yourself to take antibiotics for something you don't have

Puffin

I’m 100% serious.

Many diseases, including Chlamydia are very difficult to diagnose.

Given that the treatment for Chlamydia is very simple, and the consequences of leaving it untreated are potentially severe (major fertility problems), many health professional recommending treatment even when the test results come back negative.

Sherifu

Are you a health professional Puffin?

do you love it?

RedXIV wrote: »

Just bounced that off the missus (a chemist) and she's with dublindude, you'd want to be VERY sure of yourself to take antibiotics for something you don't have

taking unnecessary antibiotics can also lead to resistance!!!!!!!!!!
baaaadddd idea, im with you and the missus!!!

Marksie

Puffin wrote: »

relax??!??? over ignorance about sexual health???!!! should i also relax over domestic violence, or maybe lack of support for people trying to fight drug addiction??!!!

There are enough posts in this thread that clearly demonstrate that people are aware.

I suggest you read the thread again and see that people do not need to post three times the same stuff.

I think you should relax about posting in PI for a while.

OH and PS puffin, if you rant about ignorance, be aware i have worked as a medical microbiologist.

BUT folks..discussions on antibiotics are NOT what this is about.

do you love it?

okies, sorry bout the antibiotics rant marksie!

valleyoftheunos

Puffin wrote: »

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU???...
....And I do have a final piece of information that is so important I am going to post it in triplicate after this one…

Very unhelpfull, if you want to shout and rant and give medical advice while you do it go elsewhere.

Velvet Vocals

Marksie wrote:

OP it can and does happen that people will sleep with others aftre a breakup, i belive you are aware of this and that is why you have tried to move on.

If we look and take what you have said, he has showed a degree of responsibility in telling you.
He is visibly upset as he feels that you have been more than understanding and now this occurs.
Its a double whammy, it really depends whether you can a) acceot that he made a mistake initially and that he was juts very unfortunate.

I totally agree with Marksie, OP it happens, it's hurtful but at least he's displaying all the signs of being a very good guy and he obviously loves you or he wouldn't be bothering telling you and going through all of this.
Just deal with it as quickly as you can (ie get tested and treated) and then try and put it behind you both.
Best of luck. x

valleyoftheunos

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

I totally agree with Marksie, OP it happens, it's hurtful but at least he's displaying all the signs of being a very good guy and he obviously loves you or he wouldn't be bothering telling you and going through all of this.
Just deal with it as quickly as you can (ie get tested and treated) and then try and put it behind you both.
Best of luck. x

Good post but I think it glosses over a the way not everthing seems to fit together.

OP if you fully believe him and your sure that he's not usng this to hide something else, than Velvet gives some good advice.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote: »

Condoms don't cover all of the genital area and there are STD which spread via skin contact and vaginal secretions on to skin which is not covered by the condom. Some of these can be treated and cured and do not reoccur like chlamydia, others like viruses that causes genital warts and herpes once you catch them you have them for life and they can flare up from time to time.

Warning the following is a very good site but does have explicted photos and is not safe for work it also should not be used to self diagnose if you are concerned about your sexaul health consult your dr.

http://www.afraidtoask.com/STD/

I know I was warned but \puke