Do I have a drink problem??

LegacyUser

Apologies in advance as I'm sure this problem has been posted a million times before. Let's just say the last few months have been a major transitional stage in my life and I've been finding it hard to adjust. I came out of a ten year relationship, went back to college and ended up falling for a girl who after initial signs of promise, turned out to have no interest in me whatsoever. I've never been a particularly confident person and I've always taken rejection very badly, to the point of numerous counseling sessions years ago. Anyway..to the problem.
I can't remember the last time I've went for a quiet 'pint or two' with my friends. Every night out follows the same excessive pattern, eight or so pints followed by numerous shots to the point where I need to get sick, throw up and keep drinking. I then wake up the following morning, feeling awful and realise I've said or done something really stupid in a drunken moment. Since becoming single, the point of every night out is to go on the pull, but in order to do so I invariably end up getting drunk as I could never chat up someone sober. At this stage, my whole week is geared towards going out on Friday and Saturdays, which means I find it hard to concentrate on my college work. I also end up spending most of what little money I have on drink, and go through the whole week more or less broke. I seem to have lost contact or alienated most of my friends and have no-one to talk to about this.
Maybe I should give serious consideration to cutting out drink altogether??

RedXIV

I'm gonna let you in on a secret OP, Drink does not get you girls. sure you may be lucky once in a while but TRUST me, drink does NOT get you girls. If you want to begin a relationship, one that has the potential to go all the way, think about it, is your dream woman gonna be wasted on a dancefloor looking for a guy who's as easy as a one piece jigsaw? NO!

Confidence is the key. Build confidence, build inner strength and then build relationships. Start off small, take a weekend off from drink. just the one, and do something else instead. Join a club or get nightclasses. if money is a problem, get a job in bar work, which would kill two birds with the one stone, raising funds and cutting your ability to drink. Don't waste college, too many people can never afford to get there and you're throwing away a great gift.

last but not least, find out what your friends are up to during the week, invite them to the cinema or something. Do SOMETHING that doesn't end up with drink. I wouldn't say you have a drink problem at the minute but you're heading in that direction if you don't take charge of your life now

Red

AARRRGH

It depends on your definition of "drink problem".

Are you an alcoholic? Probably not.

Is your drinking causing problems? Yes.

In my opinion you have a drink problem.

Firstly, take a look at what you're doing to your liver: http://www.hivandhepatitis.com/2006icr/ddw/images/cirrhosis-liver.jpg

Similar damage is being done to every organ in your body, including permanent damage to your brain.

Secondly, your drinking is making you do things you regret. Keep doing this and it's only a matter of time before you do something you really regret.

Thirdly, your drinking is causing financial problems. You are going to get into debt. Don't do this. I learned this the hard way.

Fourthly, it's affecting your college studies. As someone who is a bit older than the average boards.ie user (I'm 30) I can tell you getting a good college grade will affect the rest of your life.

You're obviously in a lonely and confused place at the moment. That's fine. From what you've typed it even makes sense.

Your ex has left a huge void in your life, and you're trying to fill it with other women.

I went through this myself. It can be fun, but long term it's very destructive.

Try to cut back a bit on the booze (you don't have to stop altogether.)

Do you have any hobbies or interests you could develop a bit more?

biko

You can still have beers but cut out the shots. It's easier to gauge how drunk you are on beer.

Try joining college clubs, arty ones are usually crammed with females. Once you know a few to see you can then approach them in a pub without having to be drunk. Stick to beers and pace yourself with whatever girl you're drinking with.

Perhaps take up a team sport on Saturday mornings? This way you must get up and can't drink so much Friday evening.

LaVidaLoca

Are you an alcoholic? Well who knows, its a pretty shady definition anyways. Some people have lifelong problems with booze, some have a dark period here and there where they drink too much.

It's fairly common to medicate yourself after being dumped, and it's particularly common in Ireland, where many young men grow up without ever learning how to chat up a girl without having umpteen pints in them first.

Right now, you need to have some harmless fun with some other ladies to get your mind off the last one. This is healthy. This is good.

But, like many shy Irish blokes before you, you turn to the one thing that your think get's you out of your shell enough to allow this to happen : Booze.

And the result is: You equate being a sloppy bore whos drooling on himself with being confident. Booze does not make you confident, it simply hijacks your brain's natural confidence circuits, and makes you dependant on it.

I would recommend a period of giving up booze entirely, not just cutting down. You need to learn how to feel confident (particularly around women) without a chemical prop. This takes facing fear and insecurity head on, and not just blotting them out night after night. The reason I recommend total, not just cutting down, is you will never learn this confidence if you r'special friend' is still waiting in the wings when the going gets rough.

Its hard but the advantage is that eventually you learn to feel actual confidence in your self, not just it's chemical equivalent.

Velvet Vocals

There are people who say that if you have to ask this question then the answer is usually yes.
But regardless of weather or not you actually have a drink problem, you've established that you are drinking for the wrong reasons. You should just knock it on the head for a few months and see how you get on. See how much money you save, how many monday mornings you can wake up and not think back with regret to all the stupid things you've done and if you can master going out with your mates without drinking (that one's hard) then you might actually be able to meet a girl and talk to her when you're not pissed out of your face (which is the biggest turn off by the way)
I wouldn't focus too much on the "do I have drink problem" but think of it more like you'd like to be healthier and happier.