Can't seem to get my **** together and don't know why

Affable

I come from a family heritage where people have handled very hard careers, made things of their lives etc.

So why am I so incapable of getting myself independence, a decent job, self respect, finding the discipline to cope with life?

I also find the social 'performance' required miserable and hate doing it.

Can't find what I'm looking for at all. Need to escape my hometown.

Sherifu

Have you tried to get some career guidance?

Affable

Sherifu wrote: »

Have you tried to get some career guidance?

Had a few interviews I believe, have done my research on the web.
Can't find my way still. I think it's more a mental thing were focus is so hard. i'm not saying life should be a picnic but there should be some pleasure involved. Or things should seem more doable at least. It's weird.

AARRRGH

Can you tell us some more about yourself? Age? Education?

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

Can you tell us some more about yourself? Age? Education?

Yes. 27, part college education. Not completed degree in Maths from a top uni.

Sherifu

Have you thought about travelling? You added 'escape my hometown' to your OP. A change of scenery may help you decide what you want.

AARRRGH

Affable wrote: »

Yes. 27, part college education. Not completed degree in Maths from a top uni.

OK - first of all, forget the heritage **** and what your family think. That's a totally irrelevant distraction. You are not your family's history; you are your own person.

Now that that's out of the way, what do you like doing? What type of jobs do you think are cool and interesting?

Affable

Sherifu wrote: »

Have you thought about travelling? You added 'escape my hometown' to your OP. A change of scenery may help you decide what you want.

Getting away is my dream, I just havent done it cos I felt like I'd be 'slacking' and directionless, I suppose I could take some savings out.
I'd like to go just up north or to Ireland, hence why I joined these boards.

Sherifu

Affable wrote: »

Getting away is my dream, I just havent done it cos I felt like I'd be 'slacking' and directionless, I suppose I could take some savings out.
I'd like to go just up north or to Ireland, hence why I joined these boards.

It sounds like you know what to do already.

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

OK - first of all, forget the heritage **** and what your family think. That's a totally irrelevant distraction. You are not your family's history; you are your own person.

Now that that's out of the way, what do you like doing? What type of jobs do you think are cool and interesting?

Yeah true, I just compare to them as they are the most convienient thing t it seems sensical.

I like outdoor stuff. Music/footy too. Wouldt mind workng at a footy stadium or concert venue. I'm trying to get some voluntary work in events, helping with aan outdoor concert venue...need some dough at soe point soon though, and to leave the area. Wouldnt mind some outdoor work somewhere picturesque also. I worked a bit in accounts lately and couldnt stand it.

Affable

Sherifu wrote: »

It sounds like you know what to do already.

Relocation isn't as easy as all that though. I dont want to be in something like full time bar work living in the middle of knowhere, which is what some 'live in ' positions are like.

Others seem to manage getting jobs, mortgages, flat payments etc etc. I just don't feel I'm in any kind of mental state to do that somehow, or at least my track record shows me that.

Sherifu

Affable wrote: »

Relocation isn't as easy as all that though. I dont want to be in something like full time bar work living in the middle of knowhere, which is what some 'live in ' positions are like.

I'm not saying it's easy but you need to take chances.

AARRRGH

Affable wrote: »

Yeah true, I just compare to them as they are the most convienient thing t it seems sensical.

I like outdoor stuff. Music/footy too. Wouldt mind workng at a footy stadium or concert venue. I'm trying to get some voluntary work in events, helping with aan outdoor concert venue...need some dough at soe point soon though, and to leave the area. Wouldnt mind some outdoor work somewhere picturesque also. I worked a bit in accounts lately and couldnt stand it.

Would you work as a bar tender in a club, eventually progressing to nightclub manager or something like that?

Affable

Sherifu wrote: »

I'm not saying it's easy but you need to take chances.

Yup, suppose you are right, otherwise indepedent happiness is hard to find.
I literally find te tiniest of chores or responsibilities overwhelming though
dunno whether thats depression or what. I suppose I could try and stay in BandB's whilst claiming dole and jobseeking. Hard to see definite joy from that though.

Slutmonkey57b

Affable wrote: »

Relocation isn't as easy as all that though. I dont want to be in something like full time bar work living in the middle of knowhere, which is what some 'live in ' positions are like.

Others seem to manage getting jobs, mortgages, flat payments etc etc. I just don't feel I'm in any kind of mental state to do that somehow, or at least my track record shows me that.

Getting out of your current "comfort" zone (seems like a misnomer, as you're not happy, but the fact is you've been stuck in a situation where you don't have to change anything, so you haven't) is what's going to show you what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you can be. Up sticks, go somewhere big (you're from a small town, right?) and see what you can get done with yourself. When you're away from home where you can't lean on anyone but yourself you'll have to get things done. The more you get done, the better you'll start to feel. Take one big step away and take small steps when you're there.

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

Would you work as a bar tender in a club, eventually progressing to nightclub manager or something like that?

I've done bar work before, it's ok but it can feel like you never escape. I'd want decent hours off, but i'd consider it defo. That kind of progression opportunity sounds good.

Affable

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Getting out of your current "comfort" zone (seems like a misnomer, as you're not happy, but the fact is you've been stuck in a situation where you don't have to change anything, so you haven't) is what's going to show you what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you can be. Up sticks, go somewhere big (you're from a small town, right?) and see what you can get done with yourself. When you're away from home where you can't lean on anyone but yourself you'll have to get things done. The more you get done, the better you'll start to feel. Take one big step away and take small steps when you're there.

Thanks slutmonkey, encouraging words. I'm from Cambridge actually. I don't particularly hanker for a huge city , doesnt have to be London, but I do want a change of atmosphere/scene.

Affable

Why Dublindude, do you know of such positions?

AARRRGH

Affable wrote: »

Why Dublindude, do you know of such positions?

Well, looking on the jobsites, e.g. Jobs.ie Pub/Club Jobs I can see there are loads of jobs in this area.

The good thing about pub/club management is you can do it anywhere in the world as the general concepts are the exact same.

I'm 30 and only got my **** together over the past 18 months or so. I wouldn't stress out too much, something will click eventually!

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

Well, looking on the jobsites, e.g. Jobs.ie Pub/Club Jobs I can see there are loads of jobs in this area.

The good thing about pub/club management is you can do it anywhere in the world as the general concepts are the exact same.

I'm 30 and only got my **** together over the past 18 months or so. I wouldn't stress out too much, something will click eventually!

Thanks mate.:)

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

I'm 30 and only got my **** together over the past 18 months or so. I wouldn't stress out too much, something will click eventually!

What are you doing now, out of interest?

AARRRGH

Affable wrote: »

What are you doing now, out of interest?

I work in IT and I'm slowly building up a business (lots of different websites, like the ones in my signature.)

Up until about two years ago I never really took my career seriously (was more interested in going to the pub ) and was kind of floating from job to job.

Now I have the head down, working hard (tonight I'm working on my MSc thesis) and saving cash.

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

I work in IT and I'm slowly building up a business (lots of different websites, like the ones in my signature.)

Up until about two years ago I never really took my career seriously (was more interested in going to the pub ) and was kind of floating from job to job.

Now I have the head down, working hard (tonight I'm working on my MSc thesis) and saving cash.

I don't know that I'll ever reach that truly focused stage again tbh.
But still, it can improve.

AARRRGH

Giving up alcohol changed everything for me.

You know that episode of the Simpsons where Barney gives up alcohol? It's been like that for me. I didn't realise how much it was messing up my concentration, ambition, energy levels, etc.

I reckon if you stay positive and believe in yourself you'll get to where you want to be.

Affable

dublindude wrote: »

Giving up alcohol changed everything for me.

You know that episode of the Simpsons where Barney gives up alcohol? It's been like that for me. I didn't realise how much it was messing up my concentration, ambition, energy levels, etc.

I reckon if you stay positive and believe in yourself you'll get to where you want to be.

I agree about alcohol, to many Brits/Irish are too casual about it. The Americans seem to regard drinking more gravely.

I don't drink though so it can't be that for me.:p

To me it's more like a kind of obsessing that holds me back, did get diagnosed with OCD.

aislingm137

why dont u forget about what your family have done and think about what you want yourself. I dont think maybe you are not sure of what you want but the best way is questioning urself what makes you feel good , what do you like, what are you interested in and when you find out what you really want to do in your heart then the struggle will get easier. you should think with your own mind because its your own life. I dont know what is the meaning to social performance but i believe its very important to be yourself and try to be the best of yourself. well, i hope things go good for you

Rb

How far are you through the degree and would you consider going back and finishing it?

Affable

rb_ie wrote: »

How far are you through the degree and would you consider going back and finishing it?

1 year, I maybe could get credits transferred and do something with support from the poly in my hometown.

But really, I'd rather just get into a career.

St Bill

So you're thinking of travelling to Ireland and living and working here? My bet is that thinking about doing all that is putting your head in a bit of a spin!
If you're thinking of doing this, take it step by step. eg Step 1 : look up job websites for Ireland. Step 2 : Get to know people/area through a social website (you're doing step 2 already!). Step 3 : Buy a ticket etc etc.
Just think about the first step, when it's done, think about the second step. It doesn't seem so overwhelming then. This is what I did when I went to the other side of the world for a few years. When it came to leaving Ireland, I was still bricking it but I knew it was something I had to do for my own peace of mind!
Doesn't matter what you end up doing, just take it step by step.

Affable

St Bill wrote: »

So you're thinking of travelling to Ireland and living and working here? My bet is that thinking about doing all that is putting your head in a bit of a spin!
If you're thinking of doing this, take it step by step. eg Step 1 : look up job websites for Ireland. Step 2 : Get to know people/area through a social website (you're doing step 2 already!). Step 3 : Buy a ticket etc etc.
Just think about the first step, when it's done, think about the second step. It doesn't seem so overwhelming then. This is what I did when I went to the other side of the world for a few years. When it came to leaving Ireland, I was still bricking it but I knew it was something I had to do for my own peace of mind!
Doesn't matter what you end up doing, just take it step by step.

Thanks for the advice.

Affable

Just would greatly appreciate any more advice, mainly just on the relocation issue...anyone who's relocated before have any good tips on how to do it smoothy and succesfully?

Cheers

Affable

I'm a bit pissed off. With London on the doorstep I feel I'm missing out and living no sort of life here, feel I've showed no chutzpah in being stuck in my hometown. Lack of any stimulating or interesting relationship with the opposite sex too. Just nothing happening really, I feel a failure. Just weird that it's taken me so long to get pissed off as I am now.

togster

Affable wrote: »

I'm a bit pissed off. With London on the doorstep I feel I'm missing out and living no sort of life here, feel I've showed no chutzpah in being stuck in my hometown. Lack of any stimulating or interesting relationship with the opposite sex too. Just nothing happening really, I feel a failure. Just weird that it's taken me so long to get pissed off as I am now.

Only you have the power to change that.

MIN2511

PACK YOUR BAGS AND RELOCATE


Right, stop complaining. What you need is a smack, you are not happy where you are, you don't want to run away from your family because they are all high achievers and you are not, you have savings.....

I was sent to boarding school at 10 and came to Ireland at 16, I had no family or relatives I am nearly 23 now and I have adapted and have accepted my life(very haapy)
You can’t expect things to fall on your laps, you need to work for it!



Really have you read your posts?

Affable

MIN2511 wrote: »

PACK YOUR BAGS AND RELOCATE


Right, stop complaining. What you need is a smack, you are not happy where you are, you don't want to run away from your family because they are all high achievers and you are not, you have savings.....

I was sent to boarding school at 10 and came to Ireland at 16, I had no family or relatives I am nearly 23 now and I have adapted and have accepted my life(very haapy)
You can’t expect things to fall on your laps, you need to work for it!



Really have you read your posts?

Yeah,know it doesn't sound great and seems easier to relocate but everything feels a struggle when you are this flat.

oil painting

hi affable... thanks for sharing your issue... i think you are an individual and have different passions to your family.... nothing wrong with that,also the defination of success is not about what job you have,or how much money you have-it may be in your circle at home which is why you are feeling like you dont fit in...the defination of success to me is how happy i am,is waking up in the morning and feeling satisfied with life....i think you have expressed alot of things you like doing and persuing some of these areas is what will make you happy... i am an artist and i dont make alot of money but i feel fullfilled,i could never work 9-5 it just isnt the way i function well... there are no rules in this life you can create the life you want the way you want.... i started off doing art courses which were government funded and then went to college and now work part time teaching and make art the rest... some nights i stay up all night and just create,i enjoy the flexibility of it...

so if i was you and wanted to relocate i would need to do something that supported me in this move-i think a course in outdoor persuits or music is good... there was a fas cours in dublin for outdoor education,and music courses are available also.... once you have a course you would like to do you can work toward moving to the place of choice... i always found learning easier than working,i prefered to be on a government run course doing art then working as a waitress,i was getting paid 200eu a week and my rent paid while doing this course,there are resources out there if you know where to go....

anyway be proud of who you are and your talents.... life would be boring if we were all the same... best of luck xx

Affable

oil painting wrote: »

anyway be proud of who you are and your talents.... life would be boring if we were all the same... best of luck xx

Thanks for the advice and post.