Should I get back in touch with an old friend?

Velvet Vocals

Ok... sorry for the length of this but I feel I have to tell the full story....
I used to have a best friend. But she wasn't just my best friend she was like my family. We were in school together from 1st year and were always together. It could have had something to do with the fact that we both from families who's parents were divorced (not many others,if any in school at that time had divorced parents) Anyway, we were the usual type of best friends, together all the time, in each others houses, I'd call for her on the way to school we'd either go or bunk off and hang out. Every weekend we'd do something together etc etc.
So anyway we went to sepperate colleges but still hung out all the time. Had the same group of friends. We got so close that we would tell each other absolutely everything, we really depended on each other. She even told me one time that she felt closer to me that anyone else in her family.
Anyway, as we got older we naturally had different groups of friends and stuff but it never affected our friendship. She was the type of person that loved to be in with the "cool kids" and I always felt that she thought that maybe I wasn't cool enough (that sounds a little sad but you know what I mean) anyway in all the time that we'd been friends, we'd never had a fight, never fallen out, maybe got a little pissed off every now and then but nothing major.
But then she goes away for year, and the whole time she's away she never contacts me. Just gone... nothing. I was really,really hurt but when she got back she called and I just kinda joked about it but never actually said how hurt I was, but it was there between us.
Then I started to see this guy that she didn't like and it became this huge issue, I knew she didn't like him and he didn't like her so I said to them both (sepperatly) that I love them both and we'll just hang out sepperatly and don't let it get in the way but it did and she did it again, just stopped calling me, stopped inviting me to things wouldn't make time to see me or anything.
So as she'd always been able to just drop me before I was already kinda worried and I decided not to keep contacting her and trying to resolve the issue, if she wanted to contact me she could.
but she never did. And I sware it was like someone had died, I really did feel like my heart had been broken.
So that was about 3 years ago and obviously I've moved on and I have lots of other friends and stuff and I've actually broken up with that guy she didn't like (she may have been right about him!) but I still think about her every now and then and really miss her. It doesn't help when my mum often asks about her and still sends her cards for birthday's and Christmas and she bumped in my step-dad in town last year and gave him big hugs and was asking for me.

Anyway, I bumped into her at a gig the other night. It was in a packed smoking area and she saw me before I saw her and did a big Hi.... but I was so stunned that I just said hey and walked away. And then she left....
Was she up set? did she leave coz of me? Am I the bad guy now coz I didn't do a big Hi?
but the big question is.....After treating me that way could I ever be friends with her again? Should I contact her?

Marksie

In the end what have you got to lose?.

If she said hi then take it as such, no more no less. you dont know what else was going on there.
Drop her a message and say that you couldn't really talk etc. Take it from there.

Life is too short not to do something you wnat to like this. Particularly when a simple message or series of messages will establish whether your friendship can be renewed. Three years is a long time i guess it may very well not be the ttype of friendhsip it was as you will both have grown

Velvet Vocals

Marksie wrote: »

In the end what have you got to lose?.

my dignity!

I sent her a text for her 30th birthday last year, just coz I thought, well it's a milestone birthday and maybe it'd be nice and I got nothing back! Nothing!!!

You're right about the growing thing.... but I just wish she'd contact me, I think if I have to make contact again then I'd feel like such a looser...

LegacyUser

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

my dignity!

Dignity? or pride? There's a big difference............

I don't think there's anything undignified in contacting her & not getting a response - but your pride might be hurt.

After all, you're the one who turned away at the gig. She may not know what's going on with you.

Marksie

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

my dignity!

I sent her a text for her 30th birthday last year, just coz I thought, well it's a milestone birthday and maybe it'd be nice and I got nothing back! Nothing!!!

You're right about the growing thing.... but I just wish she'd contact me, I think if I have to make contact again then I'd feel like such a looser...

How did you know she got it? etc etc etc.

Lesson: Dont text, talk .

And why would you feel like a loser? Its her choice not to engage, if you phoned and said, Hi saw you last night couldnt say much, how are you? then you have direct contact none of this texting mularky

muppetkiller

Call her..say it's been ages and fancy catching up ?

Nevyn

Then don't. If you feel that you have been hurt to the extent that you can't be around her with out it dragging up that hurt then you have to let her go until you have moved on to the point where how contacts who first is not an issue.

I find that if people want to be in your life they will be in your life.

K_P

Just to throw in a different opinion, I'd be against contacting her. If she wants to call or text you or meet up, she knows where to find you. She has done for the last 3 years.

The big hello and friendliness to your step-dad was to save face and to be honest, asking your step-dad how you are is a bit much when if she's really interested she can just ask you herself.

Pub07

Why would you bother contacting someone who clearly has no interest in contacting you and has on two previous occasions completely dropped you out of life completely when it suited her. You contacted her last year and got no reply as usual. Get some respect for yourself and forget about her like she obviously has about you.

Never mind this "big Hi" craic when she came across you at the gig, it's just a supeficial gesture from her, you already know from her past actions what she's like when it comes to being a real friend. I think your reaction of just saying 'hey' and then walking away was almost spot on. Same with when she met your step father and was asking for you, another superficial gesture, you can take it for granted she was going to mention you to him as you are the obvious link between the two of them. If she wanted to get in touch with you she easily could, she wouldn't be 'asking for you'.

It's not like you were teenagers when she last decided to drop you, which would be more forgivable as everyone grows up at different rates, she was 27 and this is just the type of person that she is. You should treat people with the same respect they treat you, in this case, f*ck all.

kelly1979

Hmmm......This a tough one.
Whenever I'm faced with a decision to make like this I always just follow the advice that it's;
better to do and regret later, than not do it and regret it anyways.
I'd advise if you were to contact her that you would phone her, not text!
And try and arrange to meet up, if she meets up with you, then tell her how much you miss her friendship etc..
If she doesn't contact you after that then at least you know you tried all could and will have no regrets.

Hope it works out for you:)

LegacyUser

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

my dignity!

I sent her a text for her 30th birthday last year, just coz I thought, well it's a milestone birthday and maybe it'd be nice and I got nothing back! Nothing!!!

You're right about the growing thing.... but I just wish she'd contact me, I think if I have to make contact again then I'd feel like such a looser...

Well... It's up to you but I guess put yourself in what may be her position... she lost contact with you - and lets say she thinks it was her fault - Asking after you and saying hello at a gig *are* reaching out to you... yeah she could call you but she could be embarrassed as well and her eyes you haven't responded whenever she's asked after and it sounds like you blanked her at the gig... I would feel upset if that happened to me...

anyway look, no-one is the bad guy here... people just drift apart but honestly, what do you have to lose by calling or e-mailing or texting or whatever and saying hey, lost track of you there - it would be great to catch up... yeah it's a matter of pride but really, what's she going to do that could feel worse than you do now... and what you might gain back is a good friend... either way surely it's better to know...

berno17

I have to agree with most of the above. It really is up to you whether or not you feel that you want to be her friend again. It seems like you have shared alot with this girl over the years. If you feel that she's really betrayed you and your better not being in contact then I would stick with that.

However, as Marksie said, life is too short, we've all done snidey things to friends at times, we don't always mean it or realise it. If you feel that this girl could be a really valuable friend then I wouldnt personally wouldnt want to lose that but again if theres potential for more harm than good then maybe you should just move on and leave it.

Velvet Vocals

JoeJoe90 wrote: »

Dignity? or pride? There's a big difference............
I don't think there's anything undignified in contacting her & not getting a response - but your pride might be hurt.
After all, you're the one who turned away at the gig. She may not know what's going on with you.

Yeah, you're right actually,I think it's more pride and it's been really hurt. She might not know whats going on with me, but if she wanted to wouldn't she contact me? But the thing is, I know her so well (or at least I used to) and she was always afraid of confrontation, I feel that if she wanted to contact me and that she might not for fear of having a row.

Marksie wrote: »

How did you know she got it? etc etc etc.
Lesson: Dont text, talk .
And why would you feel like a loser? Its her choice not to engage, if you phoned and said, Hi saw you last night couldnt say much, how are you? then you have direct contact none of this texting mularky

Well my mum sent her a text and she got one back... so presumably her phone was working....
I know it's better to talk then text... but it would just be so hard....
I think maybe looser was a bad choice of words, but if I did all this and she rejected me... again!!! I'm not sure I'd be able for it.... I hate to sound so week coz normally I'm a very strong person but I think it'd hit me really hard, someone that I cared so much about just completely rejecting me....

Thaedydal wrote: »

Then don't. If you feel that you have been hurt to the extent that you can't be around her with out it dragging up that hurt then you have to let her go until you have moved on to the point where how contacts who first is not an issue.
I find that if people want to be in your life they will be in your life.

Yes, I think you're right Thaed, I do feel that if she really missed me then all she'd have to do would be to inniciate contact and see how it went. But like I said earlier, she's always been afraid of conflict, thats why we never had a row or anything, it was just complete cut off. Which is another reason that this is so frustrating, I never knew if I'd done something wrong or if something could have been sorted out.



I wish I was the type of person that could just move on totally. Draw a line under it and say ok, she's made this decision and now it's time to move on. But it does fester with me and tbh I'd never be posting this if I hadn't bumped in to her again. But since then I've been obsessing about it

RedXIV

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

I wish I was the type of person that could just move on totally. Draw a line under it and say ok, she's made this decision and now it's time to move on. But it does fester with me and tbh I'd never be posting this if I hadn't bumped in to her again. But since then I've been obsessing about it

Get it out of your system so. It's either do it or have it nag at you for a long time until you FINALLY forget about it. But at least this way you know

Velvet Vocals

RedXIV wrote: »

Get it out of your system so. It's either do it or have it nag at you for a long time until you FINALLY forget about it. But at least this way you know

Yeah, good point... I think I might have to do that.... I need to know the story..... I hate speculating all the time and I always think the worst.
God I'd be shi*ting it ringing her though....

JackieO

She sounds like a selfish little b"tch to be honest.

But the fact that you are posting here means that you are concerned about her and your friendship with her. For that reason alone I think you should make one final attempt to get in touch. You have nothing to lose.

If she doesn't reciprocate the gesture then you will know once and for all that she is not worth the hassle and never will be. Then you can draw a line in the sand and get on with enjoying the rest of your life with your real friends.

If she does maybe you could rekindle your friendship. But there must be balance in all friendships - it sounds like she likes leaving everyone else to do the work! Don't be a doormat for her either.

How Strange

I had a friend like that when I was younger. She was like my other half and where you saw one of us then the other wasn't far behind and we lived in each others houses. We were the same age so grew up together, we went to different secondary schools but managed to stay close. She started seeing this guy when she was 19, he didn't like me so she chose him over me. I would've always thought that we'd still be friends at 80 but I guess life just doesnt' work out like that.

I made a few attempts at being friendly again but nothing came of it and now I have to say it's gone too far to ever go back. We're both completely different people. I've since had close friends where we've drifted apart too for whatever reasons.

OP, you have to decide if you are hankering back to an idealistic past that doesn't exist anymore or if you really want her friendship again. My guess is you're romanticising the past. For one reason or another you both drifted apart and you've both left it too long so the friendship dissolved. I honestly don't think that you can recapture what you once had. At best you will have a semi-formal relationship where you tip toe around each other and laugh about what you USED to do.

I really think its part of life and the friends who stick by you and are there for you now are the ones you should be concerned with keeping rather than chasing the friends of your past.

Velvet Vocals

JackieO wrote: »

She sounds like a selfish little b"tch to be honest.

But the fact that you are posting here means that you are concerned about her and your friendship with her. For that reason alone I think you should make one final attempt to get in touch. You have nothing to lose.

If she doesn't reciprocate the gesture then you will know once and for all that she is not worth the hassle and never will be. Then you can draw a line in the sand and get on with enjoying the rest of your life with your real friends.

If she does maybe you could rekindle your friendship. But there must be balance in all friendships - it sounds like she likes leaving everyone else to do the work! Don't be a doormat for her either.

Totally.... to everything you said. I think the thing was when we were younger I was always afraid of loosing friends so I became a doormat and as I got older I realised that this was silly (coz I'm lovely:)) so I stopped being a doormat and that did affect my friendship with her. At some point there was a shift from me being doormat me to being the way I am now and maybe that was part of the reason she decided not to be friends with me anymore.

I think I am going to have to contact her though.... just so that I don't spend the rest of my life having it drive me crazy... I actually have a sick feeling in tummy thinking about it though.:(

Velvet Vocals

How Strange wrote: »

OP, you have to decide if you are hankering back to an idealistic past that doesn't exist anymore or if you really want her friendship again. My guess is you're romanticising the past. For one reason or another you both drifted apart and you've both left it too long so the friendship dissolved. I honestly don't think that you can recapture what you once had. At best you will have a semi-formal relationship where you tip toe around each other and laugh about what you USED to do.

I really think its part of life and the friends who stick by you and are there for you now are the ones you should be concerned with keeping rather than chasing the friends of your past.

I don't think I am hankering back to the past, I know there is no way that we'd ever get back to the way we were nor would I want that, I never want to be that reliant on someone to validate my feelings every again, nor do I need that. I'm much stronger in my self now then I was then. But what I do think I need is some kind closure.

Faith

I was actually in a very similar situation before. I was good friends with a girl throughout primary school, and when we were about 14, we started hanging out together all the time. We were really good friends until after the junior cert, when I went into 4th year and she skipped straight into 5th year. She started panicking about her leaving cert and kept cancelling plans because she needed to study. Eventually I got tired of it and told her that she was working too hard and I never got to see her, etc. She got really angry and just cut off contact with me. I tried to make reparations several times, but was ignored. I texted her on her 18th birthday and before her leaving cert, but never heard back.

In May after first year of Uni, I was home and went to the pub with some friends to celebrate them finishing their exams. I saw a girl I knew and went to talk to her, and promptly realised that she was with my ex-friend. My instinct was to say hi and walk away, but all of a sudden she smiled at me and asked me how I was. We started chatting and arranged to go for coffee to catch up. Since then she's been one of my closest friends again, and I'm really glad to have her back.

Actually, now that I think about it, I've been in that situation twice, and both times I've made huge efforts to get my friends back. Both times I have (maybe I'm a walkover, but whatever), and I'm happier for it. The upshot is I think you should contact her. Do it properly by ringing her though, texts are so easy to forget to reply to. Good luck!

If she ignores you this time, that's it though. Forget about her because she's not worth it.

Velvet Vocals

ok... so I've pretty much decided that I'm going to ring her. But now I've NO idea what to say
hi
your a douche and hang up....

No ok, childish moment over

but everything I think of sounds lame... "hey, sorry I was a bit rude the other night but I got a shock seeing you" .... too apologetic

"Hey, seeing you the other night got me thinking about our friendship and I'd love to have a chat with you about it" ..... it all sounds like we used to date or something.
JESUS! right I've just decided I can't do this now. No way...

of course I'm probably going to change my mind in five minutes.

HELP!

Thank god for boards.. you guys are the best!

biko

She was the one with a big Hi, which means she still likes you I think.
Btw, a text for a big birthday like that? A card/call would have been appropriate.

Friends fall out and get back all the time. Give up a bit of pride, it'll do you good in the long run.

RedXIV

Did the two of you have any signature events you would get together for? me and one of my mates used to go the cinema every so often and that was just something that we always liked doing together. Point is, if there's a show or something, book it, ring her up and say "hey! got to thinking the other night when i saw ya, how do ya feel about going to see X?"

If show's etc weren't your thing, ring and say "Hey, i'm at a loss for the weekend, want to get together?"

Throw out a plan straight away, that way you don't have to stay on the phone long, you'll gauge how interested she is and you'll have time to prepare for the actual event

Pub07

Am I the only one who's noticed this 'friend' dropped her twice previously and didn't bother replying to her text message last year, altho she replied to the op's mother. I would be waiting for this friend to get in contact now rather than the other way around. At the end of the day, you've done more than your share of making the effort when it comes to making contact and she would've reciprocated if she wanted, she's not a kid anymore, her not liking confrontation is not gonna wash as an excuse for an adult of 30.

I have one or two ex-friends that I don't talk to or see anymore as I didn't like the people they turned into. One of them used to txt or ring me every so often and I would reply out of courtesy but I would not initiate contact and eventually I stopped hearing from them. If I wanted to contact them I could and would have just like your friend could and would have. Also, If I met them, and I have once or twice, I would of course say hello and have the usual small talk, the same as with your friend.

I've also been on the other end of things where I met up with someone who used to be a friend. I hadn't seen them years after we kinda fell out and just like my previous paragraph we had good laugh and got on great guns when we met. We said we'd go for a pint in the near future. Well I txted him and he said he was busy and we'd go for one the following week, well he never got back to me and I left it at that. The point being - he knew I was up for going for a pint as I'd txted him, yet he chose not to get back to me, fair enough, I wasn't that bothered anyway and I'm not gonna pester someone.

You've made more than enough effort with your friend and she has chosen not to engage with you, the txt on her birthday being the final straw. And I disagree with the previous poster, a text was the perfect way of sounding her out on her birthday, sending a card or calling up someone that has blanked you for several years is going overboard...and it turns out she got blanked again with the text anwyway.

RedXIV wrote:

It's either do it or have it nag at you for a long time until you FINALLY forget about it. But at least this way you know

The op already has done it...several times, it's about time she finally forgot about it. How many times does this ex-friend have to give you the cold shoulder before you take the hint?

wandering_star

Op, I can understand where you're coming from.
I'm in my mid twenties and I had a friend who I was close to who let me down a few times, and a few times we drifted. The drifting being due to different uni's, and living in different countries, the letting me down being particularly hurtful and personal. However every time I tried to be the "bigger" person and get back in touch and sort things out.

I'm glad that I did as I know that I made the effort, and I can say that I sleep soundly at night because of that. I don't worry about what might have happened.

She has since let me down another time. Now I don't really care, I've tried. Well I do care, I'm really hurt, but I'm standing the fu(k up for what I believe in, which is being a decent person to your friend. I have to echo Thaedydal's sentiments if she wants me in her life she knows where I am, and she can come with an apology. It still hurts though, but I have to move on. If I dwell on it I'll just get angry or sad, which isn't helpful, so I just try and think of the happy times and occasionally wonder if she'll see what an eejit she's been.

So my advice would be this, call her, suggest meeting up for a drink/tea/something that ye used to do, and talk to her. If you don't try you won't know, and at least if you try, then you'll know and you can put it behind you.

AngryBadger

Marksie wrote: »

How did you know she got it? etc etc etc.

Lesson: Dont text, talk .

And why would you feel like a loser? Its her choice not to engage, if you phoned and said, Hi saw you last night couldnt say much, how are you? then you have direct contact none of this texting mularky

Usually I'd tell you to forget about your old friend OP, I'd probably espouse the fact that someone who does that obviously has no respect, better off without them, yadda yadda yadda.

But there's been a lot of people in life in general lately bemoaning how lonely and isolated they feel, so maybe, jsut this once, I'm wrong.

My adivce is to go with Markise on this. If she blows you off again, so what? If you're on here asking us what you should do, then obviously you want to contact her, but you're afraid she'll not respond, essentially rejecting you.

But you're also obviously hoping she won't, so I'd look at it like this; if she responds and you manage to re-kindle the old friendship, wouldn't that be jsut about the greatest thing ever? (ok, I'm exageratting slightly, would be pretty awesome though), and if she doesn't respond, well then at least you took the bull by the horns and tried to re-kindle something, and wouldn't that be jsut about the greatest thing ever

Seriously though, you know it'll always bug you if you don't make some kind of attempt, and if she doesn't respond you'll have that attempt, and you'll have closure on this.

Pj!

Nah seriously.
Just ring the girl. She gave you a big hi so obviously she was happy to see you.

Go for it. You're strong!

Pub07

Forky wrote: »

Nah seriously.
Just ring the girl. She gave you a big hi so obviously she was happy to see you.

Read my post above and you'll realise that this is just token stuff that people who know each other and haven't seen each other in a while do, you shouldn't be reading too much into it, it means f*ck all.

Op, you said you stopped being a doormant years ago but you seem to be reverting into one again now in this situation.

By all means, pestercontact her again and maybe even guilt her into meeting up but be sure to come back here in 2 months and tell us when she has broken contact with you again. Does anyone here not understand the simple fact that if she wanted to contact the op she would have by now.

Velvet Vocals

well I left her a voice mail, just saying hi and I was just giving her a buzz to see how she was coz I saw her at the gig and saying gimmie a shout sometime and maybe we could have a chat.... it wasn't the worst voice mail in the world but to say it was bright and breezy would be a lie. I wasn't feeling too bad about it but that was before I read this

Pub07 wrote:

if she wanted to contact the op she would have by now.

and now I think... sh*t, he's totally right and I'm a gimp... RAGE!!!!!:mad:
Oh well it's done now.

Pub07

Don't worry about it mate, chalk it up to experience. I'm not trying to be a spoilsport and trying to ruin this possible reuniting of friends, it's just that I've seen this situation and how it plays out numerous times.

Velvet Vocals

Pub07 wrote: »

Don't worry about it mate, chalk it up to experience. I'm not trying to be a spoilsport and trying to ruin this possible reuniting of friends, it's just that I've seen this situation and how it plays out numerous times.

No worries. The thing is I actually don't think I'm looking for a reunion, I think I'm just looking to discover why it all happened and then put a full stop on the whole thing. But I guess that's not her responsibility, it's up to me to be able to let go of it.
Anyway, thanks for the advice and for being so honest. I just wish I'd read your post before I called

LegacyUser

I think you were dead right to contact her, i probabley woudnt have left a voicmail myself, prob would have just rung again thought. At least by contacting her, you wont look back and say..i should have contacted her. There is no regrets, you are better off. Anyway i hope you become friends again, sometime when friendships drift apart, as you said people avoid meeting up for fear of confrontation. had a situation like this myself with a friend, there is every chance you may be friends again, if you click when you meet up, dont feel like you are pestering as another person said. one call is not pestering! Good Luck.

kelly1979

hey, exactly at least you can say you tried and won't be feeling guilty/ wondering should you have contacted her.

if she dosen't reply to your voicemail then feck her:p

ponygirl

OP, what struck me is that you still seem to be giving 'power' to this girl. Her response or lack of should not effect how you feel about yourself or your self worth. Just a thought, but sometimes we use relationships to mirror how we're feeling about ourselves or try to use them to resolve unrelated issues.

I'd leave this friendship in the past where it belongs, and try to keep some positive memories about how it was fun and good until it hit it's best before date! Better to remember fondly?

funkycat83

I know how you feel.

I was in a similar situation myself. Like you I too had a best friend in secondary school since first year, also hung around together because the home life situation wasn't what you would call ideal. Then we went to different colleges and she decided that she was "too cool?" to hang around with me ? but i text her to meet u p about why she was being so frosty with me and she said it was too much like hard work staying on good terms with me? (just because I walked away from an drunken argument outside a club where I was being patronized-I walked away because I didn't want to say anything i would regret)
So that was it. I do think of her from time to time God knows why but probably because our mutual close friend used to hate having to choose between us for spending time with etc. and she begged me to talk to her and I said no way, was sick of being the one with the olive branch being slapped back in my face!

Singer73

Any update on this? I am totally addicted to this storyline...
BTW I definitely would have made contact again, but the voicemail angle is not the way I'd have gone...

Velvet Vocals

Singer73 wrote: »

Any update on this? I am totally addicted to this storyline...
BTW I definitely would have made contact again, but the voicemail angle is not the way I'd have gone...

Hey, actually this isn't a storyline.... it's something happening in my life... I'm not a fictional character... I'm very real.
Also, I left a voice mail because I phoned and she didn't answer, it wasn't an angle... it was what happened.
But thanks for your interest

JackieO

So, have you heard from her yet?

I think you definately did the right thing leaving the voice-mail. Now the ball is in her court. She will actively have to make the decision to return your call. If you don't hear from her - you will know that she is not worth the effort!

Velvet Vocals

Nope, haven't heard. Of course I've ran the excuses in my head... maybe her number isn't that number anymore or maybe she's away for the weekend.... but maybe she's just moved on and I'm going to have to do the same.
I actually feel much better about it today then I did on Friday. I'm glad I made one last attepmpt and now I'm just going to forget about it (or try to anyway)

sharkie2008

well if she doesn't get back to you at least you know you tried and its her loss. nothing worse than not trying and always wondering about it

K_P

I know I was originally against contacting her but fair play to you for doing it.
I really related to your original post as I've lost one or two very close friends in the past for seemingly no reason. It wasn't that we drifted apart, it was more of a sudden complete cut-off of communication. You'll probably never know why this happened, which is maddening in itself, as is the occasional feelings of still missing someone who hurt you in that way.

Now you know you've made every effort to rekindle things, haven't let pride or any other negative feelings get in the way, etc. If she doesn't want to respond to that, it's her loss. You can move on without her now without ever thinking "what if".

kelly1979

hi OP glad to hear your feeling better about all this.
You've every right to have your pride about this as by ringing her it shows that you value friendships in your life and therefore value people and their feelings.
She obviously dosen't so if you she does not contact you keep your head held high, you did the right thing;)
She's lost out on a great friend by the sounds of it!

Velvet Vocals

Thanks all you guys. I'll really appreciate all the advice and lovely things you've said. I'll keep you posted if I hear anything but I wouldn't be holding my breath.
May you all have a really lovely monday and coming week!!!
xxx

gubby

Hey,, I just had a though.. wouldn;t be great if that girl was reading this post!!!
Anyway.. I am glad you got in touch. in fact, I think that she may be feeling really bad about the whole thing and really would like to get back to being your friend. but if you do get to sit down and chat i would tell her exactly how much she hurt you and even show her this thread. The thing is, you knew her well but you dont know her well now. She could have lots of problems and issues in her life but is scared to open up to you because she is afraid of your reaction. I know people often lose friend over boyfriends/girlfriends not liking each other. but the big question I would have asked her when she came back from being abroad was why she didnt contact you all that time??? did she give you any reason? did you try and contact her?. Basiclly what I am saying nobody knows what is going on in someone else head. Good luck

LegacyUser

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

Thanks all you guys. I'll really appreciate all the advice and lovely things you've said. I'll keep you posted if I hear anything but I wouldn't be holding my breath.
May you all have a really lovely monday and coming week!!!
xxx

I just want to say that to be honest I really don't think that leaving a voice mail wasn't a great idea... just because hmm... you said earlier that she would avoid confrontation... if she is the way I was talking about earlier then she's not going to answer a voice mail. As I said earlier, put yourself in her shoes... actually, in a way you were in her shoes... how hard was it for you to make that phone call? It's just as hard for her to call you back... and if she's scared (because she's the one who was negligent of your friendship it seems) then she's definitely not going to ring... even if she wanted to be your friend it's easier to just ignore you and try to forget about it, it's less stressful and while it means she's lost a friend it also means she doesn't have to try and mend an old friendship which could be a lot of work, very uncomfortable and may lead to nothing.

Ah well, whatever - actually IMO you've already decided that you don't really want to get back in contact, that's why it's easier to leave a voice mail, get no reply and blame her, rather than just call again. But I'm not saying that's a bad thing or a wrong thing at all, I mean, it is a matter of pride and no-one wants to get hurt, you *are* taking a risk trying to get back in contact - there's nothing wrong with not wanting to get hurt.