She's 8 years older than me ;-o

fsgewg

Note for MODS: I just put up this exact post as an unregistered, when I remembered I had a registered account already. Could you please remove the unregistered version mods. Or merge it with this one if it has already gone up and someone has responded. Thanks and apologies.


Hey all. Just a quick question about ages. It's not something someone is going to have an answer for, but maybe some insight or experience.

I'm a 30 year old male. And although I've met loads of lovely women in my time, I have yet to have had a meaningful relationship... at least since I was about 19. I am a relatively attractive guy, with a decent job and a decent personality..... and I am capable of getting girls.... so this isn't some act of desperation.

I joined an online dating site about 8 months ago... just to give it a go. Honestly, I gave up after a few weeks. I met a few interesting people, but nothing exciting.

I came back on to it again recently (due to the auto-renewal feature I hadn't turned off).
Again, met a few people, but wasn't taking it seriously.
Then, all of a sudden, the following:

I normally wasn't contacting anyone over the age of about 32/3, but this womans picture was really beautiful. So I sent a message. We went back and forth for a few days, then her subscription expired. We've been chatting on email since.
This woman is 37, close to 38. But she is stunningly beautiful for her age (she could pass for 30/32), and has a fantastic personality. I am seriously attracted to her in almost every way. Physically and mentally.
Obviously it is hard to really know online, and wont until we meet, but I am currently infatuated with her.
So infatuated in fact, that when I didn't get an email yesterday I was getting a bit frantic... lol, funnily enough, she said the exact same. We both thought the other was going to email first..... how childish!!
We're supposed to meet up for a weekend very soon, and I can't wait.

I am a bit worried about the age gap though. Has anyone any experience with this? And please don't come back with experience of age gaps between men and women when the man is older... no matter what you say, it's very different.
I'd really like to hear from either women who are the "older woman" or guys who are the "younger guys"


Obviously we live very different lifestyles... even now.
And when I'm 35, she'll be 43.... I know that's thinking ahead... but generally, i'm not the type of guy to get involved with a girl unless I can see a future, just don't think it's fair on either person.

She actually lives a good distance from me too, but the effort shall be made.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe just to talk about it (obviously, friends don't know), or maybe for people to talk me into/out of it ;-)

Tusky

What do you have to lose ? If you like each other you like each other. If you are attracted to each other you are attracted to each and if you get both get along then who cares about the age gap ?

8 years isnt that much older.

BubbleWrap85

I'm 22 and had a relationship with a 30 year old for a short while. Didn't work out as he had baggage but I don't see that you could have a problem. A little word of warning though, don't get your hopes up until you actually meet her. I did this before with a guy, seemed like the perfect match, used to talk the whole time, texting and everything. Met and didn't work out and now we don't even speak lol so just don't build up your expectations too high!

Teddi

I didnt even need to read your post to give an answer on this...

age means nothing, full stop, 5,10,15 years older than the significant other, your having relations with the person, not his or her age. if you both like each other, what else should matter? nothing....

you shouldnt even over think this...

go for it mate


....

Dudess

fsgewg wrote: »

And please don't come back with experience of age gaps between men and women when the man is older... no matter what you say, it's very different.

Why? Because it flies in the face of what's considered the "norm"? I really can't for the life of me see what's so very different about it. I'm sorry, not trying to be harsh.
I'd be amazed if anyone advised you not to go for it. You have to. I agree with Tusky - it's not that much older. If she was 18 years older, then yes, you might have to assess things. Eight years - really not that much of a generation gap.

Lockstep

Eight years is grand mate.


Don;t worry about it.

Also, as far as other peoples thoughts go,

Stifler's mom!

b3t4

Are either of ye looking to have children?

If ye aren't then I'd said go for it.

If one or both of ye are then this relationship has the potentail to go from 0 to 100 pretty quickly. Are you ready for that OP?

A

Beruthiel

fsgewg wrote: »

I am a bit worried about the age gap though. Has anyone any experience with this?

I am 8 years older than my bloke and we've been together nearly 9 years. Not once has it ever been an issue.
This is because we are on the same page, we want the same things from life.

And please don't come back with experience of age gaps between men and women when the man is older... no matter what you say, it's very different.

Is it?
Care to expand on that? Or are you just being infulenced by what society has brought you up to think? I dislike double standards and you are generalizing. We are all different, consider the individual, not your preconceived ideas.

The only time is would make a difference is if she wanted kids and was in a rush, or if you wanted them in the future and she's not interested.
If that is not the case then all that matters is that your outlook on life and what you want from it are basically much the same.
If you are attracted to someone and they rock your world, then age is nothing more than a number in your head.

Lockstep

fsgewg wrote: »

And please don't come back with experience of age gaps between men and women when the man is older... no matter what you say, it's very different.

I keep reading that it all comes down to procreation:
Men go for younger women as they offer fertility and rearing kids.
Women go for older men as they can offer security for them and the offspring.


Could be BS for all I know, but lately there has been far more older women with younger men.

Although a word to the wise: if the relationship goes further and is based purely on physical attraction be careful, as her looks won't last forever but seeing as you seem to like her personality too things should be fine.

Puffin

A difference in age is completely irrelevant BUT a difference in life stage is a serious problem.

If you know that the two of you are at the same place, and have similar goals and desires for 5 years time, ten years time etc then go for it. However if you have dramatically difference visions on what you would like to be doing in, say, two years then you have a big problem.

Probably the only genuine and insurmountable issue anyone with a 38 year old girlfriend will face is fertility. Sadly, biology is cruel (and difficult to fight) and no woman can assume that she will be able to conceive a child over the age of 40. I think you should ask her outright if she wants kids, and if so, when. You then need to ask yourself if that fits in with your plans. You also need to mean in mind that if she does want kids, and wants then soon, she isn’t being manipulative or pushy she is actually being intelligent and facing the facts of life.

mikewest

Youd could roll it eleven years on and find yourself in my shoes. Two kids later and a very stable relationship that has withstood a fair few knocks from the world. The age difference is the same as in your case but this has never been an issue. TBH we are very different people who on the surface seem to have very little in common but there is a bond that holds us together which does not take heed of minor things like age or careers. If it is going to work it will just don't over analyse it.

biko

When you're 60 she'll be 68, hopefully it'll last that long.

bandit197

Go for it. Life is too short to risk being with your potential soulmate over a few years age gap. As a previous poster said its all about where you are in life and what ye both want at this stage. Best of luck

Keano

8 years is not a big gap!

From your post it sounds as if ye get on ,that is a great start.

Go for it and don't forget an invite to the wedding for all boards members

WindSock

Puffin wrote: »

A difference in age is completely irrelevant BUT a difference in life stage is a serious problem.

If you know that the two of you are at the same place, and have similar goals and desires for 5 years time, ten years time etc then go for it. However if you have dramatically difference visions on what you would like to be doing in, say, two years then you have a big problem.

Probably the only genuine and insurmountable issue anyone with a 38 year old girlfriend will face is fertility. Sadly, biology is cruel (and difficult to fight) and no woman can assume that she will be able to conceive a child over the age of 40. I think you should ask her outright if she wants kids, and if so, when. You then need to ask yourself if that fits in with your plans. You also need to mean in mind that if she does want kids, and wants then soon, she isn’t being manipulative or pushy she is actually being intelligent and facing the facts of life.

I agree with this post. There is a difference in life stages for men and women, whether you want to accept it or not.
she may not want or can't have children but if she does she can't afford to be dicking around with go nowhere relationships. Go out with her a few times and see if you are suited well to each other but if you aren't, then don't go wasting her time.

geminilady

i dont think really your age gap is really that signifigant, she seems to have everything else your looking for, personality etc so that let a number stop you good luck

WindSock

My older sister and her boyfriend have that exact age gap. They have been going out successfully for the last 4 years. I don't know what their future plans are concerning babies but in the meantime they are enjoying their lives together.

Zzippy

OP, when I read your post I thought it was a friend who was writing, but he's a bit further down the road than you. He's same age as you, met a woman online who was 8 years older, they lived in different countries, but you know what, he's over there at the moment for 3 months, and planning to move there permanently. They're engaged a few months now, and I think planning to marry next year.
8 years isn't that much unless its a problem for one of you. If it isn't a problem then go for it!

cinde_rella

Hi,
I agree with the previous posters that age shouldn't matter if you two get along and want the same things at this moment in life.
Besides, 8 years is not that big a gap. Last year I fell for a guy 12 years younger than me (I'm 41) but despite the mutual attraction I didn't let anything happen because I thought it would have no future. However, one year later I deeply regret not having taken the chance because I really cared for the guy. So I encourage you to follow your heart (corny, I know and go for it! Good luck!

i-digress

b3t4 wrote: »

Are either of ye looking to have children?

If ye aren't then I'd said go for it.

If one or both of ye are then this relationship has the potentail to go from 0 to 100 pretty quickly. Are you ready for that OP?

A

I'd agree. That's really the only practical issue. Other than that, life's just too god damn short. If you like her, go for it

fsgewg

Okay, thanks for all of the replies. I think you've put my mind at ease.
Firstly, to respond to the people saying it's no different with older men younger women. Maybe your right, and it is just social stigma on my part. I don't know, but it's certainly the way I would feel about it. Apologies if i offended anyone.

Secondly, to the point about phases in Life. Currently, we are certainly living different lifestyles. I mean, I go out a lot, at least once a week, normally two times. But to be honest, I'm tired of that scene.... have been for a while. All my friends are at least 1/2 years younger than me.
I have felt the need to settle down for a while, but haven't had someone to settle with. So that point really isn't an issue.

Thirdly, children. Yes, that's the big one really isn't it. I mean, I have always considered that I would want kids. But I wouldn't be rushing into it. It's not something i would consider doing with someone immediately. Ever, too big a deal for a kid if a relationship doesnt work.

I'm unsure of what her situation is about kids. We did meet online, and her profile says "maybe", but I haven't brought it up with her.

I think you all have at least put my mind at ease a bit. I'm meeting her pretty soon, so I will let ye know how it's going. But Ill be honest, something drastic would have to happen to stop the flow of chemistry between us.

ModeSkeletor

I agree with everyone, 8 years isn't that much especially once you hit the 30's. But all the same see how it goes after a few dates. You might feel completely different after going out with her a few times. Good luck !

supertramp

I was going to give a bad reaction until I saw you are 30....it's different to my situation,,,,I was 20 when i went out with a 27 year old..

8 years is absolutely nothing, I don't see why people even acknowledge it....go for it.

Affable

Shouldn't be a problem, doesn't have to be seedy just 'cos of an age gap.

neuro-praxis

Have a good chat with her about your hopes for the future, and whether or not it could work will be pretty clear once the topic of finances, kids, etc. comes up.

FYI: I have two sets of friends where the woman is considerably older, and they're married and very happy. One is a couple who got married at 21 and 28 and now are 26 and 33 and have 2 kids. When they got married a few eyebrows were raised but that was more to do with his marrying age than the age difference between them!

The other couple, I don't know how old they were when they married, but he is 43 and she is 52 (I think) and they are incredibly happy and also have two kids.

In both cases the couples look around the same age, too.

I know a third couple also where he is 19 and she is 26 and a (surprise) baby is on the way, and so far they're happy and hopefully it will work out well for them too. So good luck!

fsgewg

well, just to update. We were supposed to meet up last Monday.... she was cooking me dinner....I was bringing the wine. I feel it would have been a great night.... but alas, the poor girl had to fly home (she's from the states) due to a tragedy in the Family.
Now it's looking like I might not see her for months. Her brother in law died in a car accident, and her sister is in recovery. She is the only one in the family that does not have kids and a career (that ties her to one place) so she is going to look after the sister and her family (they had 3 children) for a while.

I am supposed to be going to the states for a 6 week job in the near future. Its not definite yet, but if it happens this woman wants to fly over to meet me (different coasts). That's a pretty big deal isn't it? I mean, we only know each other through a computer.... although we do get on really well...and she's beautiful inside and out. But, well I dunno... that kinda freaks me out a bit.
Any opinions?